When people ask where you’ve been the last five months or whatever what do you say?
“Oh, I’ve been suicidal and a shut-in and being well enough to be out may not last.”
or “I’ve had issues” or
“Been busy” –I don’t like bending the truth.
Tag:
Five Months
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
Well, I guess hello.
I don’t exactly know what I am doing here..
About ten minutes ago I was ready to end my life, but a person I know recommended I check out this one website awhile back and I figured it couldn’t hurt. That’s how I ended up here.
I don’t really know what I am suppose to say, or do. But I just really need to tell someone what is on my mind.
If you are also on this site reading my words, it is safe to assume that you’re dealing with something around the topic of suicide so you know the amount […]
So I’ve been suicidal for a long time, I usually get this way after someone has treated me badly and made me feel worthless. I attempted the first time when I was 17. I have been struggling for the past year and a half not to kill myself, I’m 24 now. Sometimes the urges were almost overwhelming.
For the first time in my life I started talking to my dad about how worthless I felt. He held me and I was able to cry for the first time in five months. I cried on him for five hours, cried so hard I broke out in fever […]
This one’s pretty long, sorry if I bore anyone. I should preface by saying that I’ve been depressed for four years. I was formally diagnosed with major depressive disorder January of this year, but I knew long before. I’ve never had a true friend, anything even close to a relationship (been led on a few dozen times), and I feel alone constantly. Recently my diagnosis was changed to suggest the cause of my pain is ADD. I’m not sure if the doctors are right, but amphetamines are helping a bit lately. This is the story of the last eight months or so, from the first […]
Sometimes I wish I was normal but that’s never going to happen. Life is supposed to get better but I doubt that. All I feel is numbness and it’s better than the pain I felt before. The only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my best friends wouldn’t be able to handle my death well. My mom stopped caring about me a long time ago but my dad would go crazy without me with him. I refuse to live for myself, I only live for them, although I don’t care about myself, I care too much about others to put them through […]
There are quite a few posts with the same or similar stories… I am writing very slowly because I am not sure whether I should. Â But I probably am searching for consolation, which is an intelligent thing to do, I guess. I have not yet attempted suicide but I think of it too much. I do cut myself sometimes. And that is when someone hurts me really badly again and again… and again. Ironic that instead of trying to heal, I hurt myself even more…
It is because of love, that has always been only depressive for me. I have never had a boyfriend. I have […]
Five months later and I’m back at square one.
Jump or don’t jump?
I fear making mistakes.
I fear disappointing my mother.
I fear life beyond campus.
I fear not being able to repay student loans.
I fear the inevitable graduation.
I fear making choices.
People keep telling me that life is precious. Life is what you make it. But what good is life if you don’t know what to make of it?
They call me selfish. Suicide is selfish. You have no right to end your life.
Hypocrites.
I’m sick of the uncertainty. I’m sick of the fear. Why should I live for others? It’s pointless; they all die in the end. So no matter […]
So, I’ve set the date on the 31st of January. I thought that it would give me ample time to do the things I still want to do like play, watch, eat, etc.  However, I ran into a little snag that surprised me. I’m running out of cash, and thus, I probably have a two or three days worth of takeout left. So annoying. Of course, I could always go out to the cash machine down the street, but get real. I’m a recluse who hasn’t set foot outside my flat for months. I haven’t even taken out five months worth of garbage, so you can […]
So is it so bad to be a gay male.. Yes it is, from how I’m treated. You’d think I was a fucking childmolesting murderer for how the people at school treat me. But no, just gay. It’s my senior year of high school too and you think it’d be the best but it has undeniably been the worst. I never knew that coming out would have such negative consequences. WTF was I thinking! I live in Montana in a small town FULL of homophobes.  And everyone knows that I am gay so that past five months since I did come out have been hell. Everyday I go through the same ritual […]