I am so lost… i am a single father 2 kids, their mother is a drug addict and has abandoned them for 3 years march 12th, i have 2 deaf parents so growing up was very hard, to never be able to talk about your feelings to your own mom hurts me alot, i know sign language but its just not the same… i have constant feelings of giving up, when i look at my kids i cry, when i think about my family i cry. i have gone nowhere for my whole life, dropped out at 16 and never made a attempt to be […]
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Food Stamps
Trapped in the home of people who refuse to understand, who think my depression is hiding something, who think I’m lazy rather than my depression is debilitating.
I could take every type of med, go to every type of therapy, I could have sunshine coming out every orifice. It would make no difference.
Why? Because my problem isn’t me, its my mother. My mother is a cold, venomous, uncaring nag. She does not believe that depression is a mental illness, but instead views it as a weakness of the mind. She has mild dysthymia at worst and thinks she is the authority on depression. I doubt she has experienced a […]
Its another morning.
I awake. I sob. I’m awake. I’m still alive. I wish I wasn’t.
I suffer from dysthymia, a form of mild depression that is persistent. All I know is down, all I have ever known is down. I also suffer from Major Depression, episodes of extremely severe depression that last 1-12 months at a time. Yes, they put depression in my depression so I can be depressed while I’m depressed. This is called double depression. One of its features is being more hopeless than someone with one form or the other, another is that it is hard to treat.
I also have generalized anxiety. Tons of anxiety all […]
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My whole life has been me slipping in and out of depression, so I know what it’s like finally feel renewed and pull out of depression. That said, I’ve never felt this bad before about myself… it’s unprecedented for me to feel THIS bad. You know how people say they’ve hit rock bottom? Well, to give you perspective, I feel like rock bottom was the thing that hit me on the head, that’s how low I am.
So what happened to get me this low? It’s a list of things that have piled on me. 1) I only have $30 […]
I’m 23, and I’m pregnant. I’m miserable. I’m 33 weeks and 5 days, and I want it to be over. I don’t want to kill myself, I just really want to hurt myself. I want to put my fist through a wall or window. I want physical pain to outweigh the emotional. I haven’t been able to work for 3 months and won’t be able to for another two, at least. My husband, the baby’s dad, has a shit job, like $300 every two weeks. He sleeps all the time and smokes too much weed. He doesn’t listen to me. We have no money. We’re […]
Well I just can’t do this anymore! I came to my aunts about a month ago to get my shit together. I got off drugs, got my food stamps, got back on meds, trying to get my insurance back, and I have applied once again for my social security disability. Some good things in the works I guess BUT my depression, and suicidal ideation is at an all time high. I almost killed myself in my aunts basement and for that I am disgusted with myself. The funny thing is now that I am clean I haven’t had one craving for drugs! NOT A ONE! […]
In church, they tell you that porn stars are girls who have completely shattered lives and who behave in ways to find reassurance from men; girls who are desperate for love and for Jesus.
Wanna know the truth? I have the love of Christ, and am thankful for it. I have friends and family who I trust, and an adoring fiance. Know why I star in porn? Because there’s no other fucking way to make enough to live in this shitty country. Tell me how to get even a minimum wage full-time job in a tiny college town, or anywhere, really. Better yet, tell me […]
I don’t know where to start. All i know is at 29 i should be further in my life than this. I’ve had SEVERE anxiety issues since i was in elementary school. I had to quit school and get my GED because of it. I went to cosmetology school and didn’t take my test because i was too nervous and was scared i was going to make an a** out of myself. Anyway, my dad who has cancer pays my rent. They denied me for food stamps so i have no food and no way to pay my bills. I’ve tried to work but because […]