Omg, like I’m mad paranoid. I’m paranoid to even be writing this right now. I feel like everyone is against me. Like my life is the Truman Show. I struggle and misery is my best friend, it’s like after awhile you enjoy the pain. A sort of frenzy begins to happen. I’m just really in a dark place. I feel like music is talking to me and sending me subliminals from my boyfriend. This happened before with someone else I cared for. It’s like I’m getting all these subliminals and signs from everything. I’m always freaking out and no one knows. No one […]
I woke up very anxious and stressed this morning. It’s midnight here now. And I’m thinking of suicide again. And murder. My parents’ arguing woke me up. It always bothers me when they fight. Why? Because I have a crazy mother. Yes, crazy. Clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness. I have seen her at a low level to the highest peak of her craziness. And when she gets nuts, really nuts, I shake like hell. I hate how much I am unable to control it. I always tell myself to toughen up but my body and mind defies me. I put […]
Although I’ve been feeling better lately (especially last week I was absolutely in a state of frenzy, I was elated to see my friends and everything was amazing for 1 or 2 days) I’ve discovered that my new found ‘betterness’ can be crushed with a few words of discouragement from someone.
A few days ago I stumbled upon a program at my university that offers free counseling if they discover that I suffer from depression.
The thing is that I might not be in a state of true depression right now but I had the symptoms before and felt really horrible. I’m kind of afraid, it took […]
i know its time to check out of the world, but i found out whats holding me back. people, actual people who i know truly care, i dont want to let them go i wanna hold onto them neverlet them go cuz for me its rare to find someone who loves me for me and befriends me to have fun in each others company not to trick me into hurting me along the road. i never wanna see these friends to leave me and i dont leave them. i know this is when im supposed to die. i just took half a bottle of […]
~The Raven~
Dedictated To Storm
(Espen Andersen – Strid)
RIP
The Angelic Process – Million Year Summer
There is a Raven caged within my breast,
But what his name, there is no breast shall know
Save mine, nor what it is that drives him so,
upward & downward, in relentless quest —
That silent rage, baffled but unsuppressed, […]
They dont know how badly i want to die. I’m suffocating. Every day is a battle. I think about how easy it is for me to just overdose or cut to deep. dont want to feel pain anymore.I dont want to be stuck here. I can’t do this anymore. I just want someone to notive how much I’m hurting. It hurts so deeply its a struggle to breathe.i cut to take away the pain for awhile. But when it’s this bad i cant do anything. I’m a basket case. I hate it here. I just want to be free of myself. I am […]
“Enough is enough i can’t go on……”
I’m nearly fort-two, and suddenly i realized that if i was to die right now nobody would know. I have always felt this loneliness inside me since being a young child but until now i have never understood what lonely really was.
I’m going to end my life. I have tried several times before but failed in my attempts. I think if i try one more time i would get it right. I’ve searched the net every day looking for different ways to end it all, now i know i’ve been doing it all wrong. That’s why i keep failing.
I […]