I am a late diagnosed female of Asperger syndrome. I have never had any friends. I disowned my toxic family. My marriage is in shit street. I have never been able to work for too long despite having many talents that I cannot seem to apply in the working world. I also have 3 children. 2 are autistic. Life is too difficult. I have endured far too many relationship breakdowns that I completely avoid and cannot trust people any longer. I look to my future and see nothing but loneliness, more pain, illness, and bitterness. How is it rational to want to live for that […]
So I honestly believe I probably won’t graduate high school this year. I’ve always had a hard time with school. I just believe even if I manage to pull it off I don’t have a future. There are other reasons why I want to off myself, but this is one of the biggest reasons. I lack motivation, I always have, and I probably always will.
Back in the days made imaginary, loving you was ordinary.
Grown now I miss how you held me me down.
Word of your eternal kiss had filled me with pure bliss, who was I to dismiss you in my future?
A rare guarantee made by life, I had pretended to be your wife, isn’t that suppose to be forever?
I found a new lover we took the vow to be bound, however the day without sound will come and you’ll tear it all apart.
To you, a promise made with the heart is a waste, based from the idea of time.
No matter how I love, you’ll remind, ” AshCoveredAngel you’re […]
That’s what I was told. By my own father. I’m only 17.
It makes me wonder then, would he actually feel sadness if I died? I sort of want to put it to the test, but what if that’s just depression screaming at me?
I’m surprisingly calm about this. I’ve been endlessly suicidal recently and I’ve given myself time to come to terms with the fact that maybe I don’t want a future.
Oh, I don’t know really… I think I’ve hit the most agonising rockbottom so far and I don’t think I can pull myself up from this one.
Red rush from the entry
The shining blade hovers like a sentry
The tremor travels though my hand
Until I can no longer stand
Sensation shakes my body
And shakes the numbness encased in me
Escape at last
From the future and past
Fading at last
The blackout approaching fast
But numbness persists
So I must assist…
Drive it home down to bone
Truly alone
My heart a darkening stone
As its beat begins to lose tone
person: why are you suicidal? why don’t you think of your future?
me: I am thinking of my future. Why are you in denial of yours?
Do you think there would be less stigma around suicide if our culture wasn’t so repressed around the subject of death?
this house is just terrible, and there’s screaming and tension and she’s leaving cause i’m worthless
but anyway for the FIRST TIME
i don’t care. and i think i believe in a future without this
we’ll see.
I seriously do not know what I want anymore. There have been many times when I have a dream for my future and I have no support or confidence so I end up giving up on the dream and changing it. My mom wants me to do stuff that I do not want to do, I do not want to disappoint her, but FUCK! I want to do what I want to do! I have nothing! Now with all the stress my mom has brought down on me, and the stress of not knowing what to do with my future. I don’t want this, I’d […]
Robin Williams was so incredibly fortunate to be able to die on his own terms and still have the popular opinion in his favor. It doesn’t seem to be socially acceptable to judge him or call him a coward for what he did. Rather, people are still celebrating his life and all the good he’s done, and this is what we’ll pass down to future generations. They’ll never think seriously about how he died, just his amazing talent and the legacy he left behind. It’s amazing how different it is for so many others who ended their lives.
Even that you never stayed away from me, there was always the fear that you commit fraud to my love. And now I realize that my heart deserves an explanation. I do not regret doubting, questioning your loyalty and even the way you look. And now the bitter future is me, I’ll be always there; cause well, I do not want to miss you.
Things have turned around lately. My life has done a complete 180. It’s great.
So why do I still want to die.
They can make you go crazy. But without them, there won’t be progress. improvement.
It is the truth that prepares us for our future. But that is only if we know how to use it well.
But some of us never make it there. Some of us just cannot utilise this use of Answers well.
Life at home is Sad. My mom is losing it and all I can do is watch. She’s always had health problems but I didn’t notice the mental ones till I got older. Very forgetful, indecisive, and prone to fits of mental break downs. She has a good heart. But she doesn’t have the strength or funds to raise my baby bro. I’m afraid of his future.
I made the choice to join the Corps to better my life, maybe “die for my country” while I’m at it. I made it through training and felt on top of the world. I thought the way my mom […]
Years of pain. Years of searching. Years of planning even. Now, after years of searching,when I have obtained the requirement for my exit I have been advised that they are changing the law here in relation to Advance Directives. There is now some hope that I can have some say in my exit. Could I ask of those of you from different counties and cultures have Advance Directives or Living wills etc worked. I would also advise all to consider this, even when I could see no hope or alleviation of the pain something happened that even slightly lightened my load.
the pasts haunts me, even more than my future haunts me. it hurts to remember how happy hopeful, and loved i felt. before i felt different and faced my depression. the bipolar. my failures my health problems. the judgement of others. it hurts, to know my future. i dont know. im trying to live. but if i cant do this last job, im so outta here. i would be better as a memory than what ive become. i am so upset i dont have an appetite. i wont put a new post here or awhile, unless i get fired from this job. then its one […]
Sometimes I wonder
Is there really a future for me
I look back on all my history
and decide its not to be
Years of pain and struggle and strife
Multiple attempts to end my life
Failure upon failure and disappointment too
Not to mention the drugs and alcohol to boot
But people still say
Every dog has his day
Yet somehow its hard to wait for what may be
When will this day come?
It’s been plenty of moons
since the times I could stay home and watch cartoons
and be content
So much has changed yet so much has not
I feel like I went full circle, […]
Please let me go already,my body my mind I can’t deal with them they won’t listen to me I’m going insane and nobody cares,I don’t want future I don’t want past I don’t want present I just want to disappear from this world,I don’t want more nightmares I don’t want more thoughts I don’t want more fears I don’t want more agony please let me go. PLEASE BEFORE I LOST IT COMPLETELY PLEASE LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Which of the three is causing you the most pain?
A. Past (lost loved one, regrets over mistakes, bad memories of traumatic experiences, etc)
B. Present (being bullied, can’t pay the bills, don’t like the way you look, physical pain or illness, etc)
C. Future (being stuck in a rotten marriage, dead end job, failing out of school, or just a general dreary view of what lies ahead, etc)
Mine is A. If I could just get a lobotomy and forget my past I’m sure I’d be all sunshine & giggles. Yeah.
it’s one the walls on the laptop. So fucking careless. she bropke up with m~!e. I qouldnt believe it museself. She told ME , q. wll have a future. dvrtything wikk be ok. she told me. well haver kids one day. blahblahb.ah. SHE TOLD ME. everything qill be ok. she told me. all these fucked up LIEA. now imbleeding . dying. I wont make it tonit.e I hope. maybe shel;o see. I fucking hate her. she fucked ,e again. what thte fuc,. oh the fuc,. so much fucking blood. cutting again in a bot five. qill not stop till im dead. fuk everyone ./ I […]
Do you ever get the urge to spontaneously start dancing because the joy you feel is so overwhelming? There’s a song playing in your head, you’re beautiful, everyone loves you, and your future is sure to be awesome?
Does that ever happen to you?