“You’re dead to me”

That’s what I was told. By my own father. I’m only 17.

It makes me wonder then, would he actually feel sadness if I died? I sort of want to put it to the test, but what if that’s just depression screaming at me?

I’m surprisingly calm about this. I’ve been endlessly suicidal recently and I’ve given myself time to come to terms with the fact that maybe I don’t want a future.

Oh, I don’t know really… I think I’ve hit the most agonising rockbottom so far and I don’t think I can pull myself up from this one.