I’m almost 17 and I’ve had social problems my whole life. I BELIEVE I might have a personality disorder, although I don’t really know. The problem with getting diagnosed, treated, etc is that I’ve grown accustomed to faking a lot of interaction with people. I’ve seen four or five psychologists and stuff now, with no real results. Most of them just sent me off saying I was fine after five or six visits. I know I’m not ‘fine’. I used to have anger management when I was really young, like 8 or something. Then later on (still age eight) my mother tried to kill herself. […]
Tag:
Game
I’m so tired. I tell everyone I’m tired and they say I’m not being honest about the real issues. But they don’t understand how tired I really am. I’m tired in every sense of the word. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally tired. I’m trying to decide whether or not life is meaningless. I don’t know if that would just be a selfish method of self protection or if it is a valid thought. But I’ve been trying to assign meaning to it thinking that the world is a better place and my life will be more enjoyable if it is meaningful. But this is so damn […]
I remember when I was a kid holding a knife to my throat to stop my folks fighting. Â Fast forward to life at 24 and not much internally has changed.
Listing my life’s unfortunate circumstances is pointless, everyone has suffering. Â However, the one constant has that the cumulative sum has all been ‘my fault’. After starting the process 4 years back to improve myself, it seems I’m the only one aware of my progress. Other folks just have shit to so.
Furthermore, when conflict arises and I stick to my reasonable intellect and try to better the energy, it seems like I hurt more than help. I […]
This only applies to my own perception and not to anyone else’s. Do not want to be accused of trying to play the should game.
Seems everything is built around taking suffering and moving on. And those who choose not to are referred to as weak. I disagree. Sometimes people just get tired of the pain and the pleasure that does come is not enough.
No positive thinking or positive action will save one from all malevolence, and as ridiculous as that may sound to many people, I’d prefer a life free from any trouble.
Most trouble has no point and the ones that teach lessons are only […]
I am new to this. I don’t want to talk to my friends or family because they will worry I might do something stupid. And I will be honest, the thought has crossed my mind. But the real issues are how I continually get into a situation where I care SO MUCH about someone and they end up using me for my generosity and my kindness. Omg I could write a freaking book! I am just so tired of being the nice guy when all everyone else sees you as a welcome mat. Oh hi, you’re convenient, I’ll be nice til I wear you down […]
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I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to […]
My background:
I had started wondering about death and would habitually wish for death and say ‘never mind’ 3 times afterward. This started when I was around 10, until one day I stopped saying ‘never mind’ and decided to see what would happen.
My life has been met with intense anger, anger that caused me to once whip my mother with a PC controller wire after I smashed it off the banister when I was around 16.
I started cutting myself on Valentine’s Day 2007, senior year. I started under the notion that everyone would leave me once we graduated. They all did except one. My last friend […]
I thought you cared
But I was dead wrong,
You sent me back to depression
Back where I belong.
You said I had a chance
But there wasn’t anything but pain,
The pain of you playing with my heart
And me losing again.
And now I guess you’re done
And I’m left with all these pieces,
Of my broken heart, broken again
And you’re saying you don’t need them.
Well, I guess I’ll rebuild
Because I’m not giving up,
Someone will come along
Who will give me true love.
You just used me
You never cared,
And now that I’m realizing it
Love wasn’t what we shared.
We shared master and slave
Slave of love for you to use,
When you were down
I was who you’d choose.
But […]
I have come so far! I started contemplating suicide at the age of 6! probably not an accurate number but i was that young. I am 25 now! I have cried so hard everytime i tried, but now there is a sense of peace that overcomes me when i think of going through with it. The only thing that makes me weep is when i think about the turmoil i will cause my 2 daughters. I am a great father. i wonder if i was a dead beat, would this be easier. Almost everything about my life makes me want to end it all. My […]
I’m not perfect and I’m the first one to say that. I cry when people don’t look and I always end up falling in love with people only to be told in a mild sense that I don’t deserve them. It’s always the same. Yes I am 23 and I have never been kissed by a guy or told that they love me or anything because everytime I try to get close to them. I get talked badly about like I AM NOT supposed to love anyone ever. I’m a *****, I’m a whore skank slut whatever. In a way I’m at fault. I lock […]
you cant just fucking sit around for one god dam day and just feeling sorry for your self for a little bit
no not with out someone bitching at you saying its your own fault your life is shity
and that one person who says it is some stupid ***** who could give a fuck less about me but is sapposidly
sapossed to love me idk…… honestly im so angry at the world that i dont give a fuck about anything or any
one any more. Its like i cant show emotions
so i hide them become angry but have no one to take it out on…..
I just really dont […]
i have no idea what im supposed to put here…. if youre reading this you already know whats going on.
by nate
written by nate
might as well share my story… this is gonna be rambling and probably not very cohesive, fyi. ive commented on a lot of other posts on this site. i go on here multiple times a day, to check and see whats new here. my goal in life is to help people. specifically, keep depressed people from killing themselves and hopefully get rid of their depression. i have dedicated my life to that goal. so far i have been very successful at keeping people from killing themselves, but not so good at ending any kind of depression… as far as i can tell i just drag […]
I try to remember why I wanted to kill myself. I don’t know. I can’t recall, but somehow I still know why I want to be out of this “reality”. Sometimes I wish I was in an empty space, where I can hear nothing, not even a sound, not even me breathing, nothing at all.
I was 12. It was long ago now. I wanted to die, but i never found the courage enough, then this person cae to me, she helped me a lot, and I don’t even remember what she looked like. I felt I was I love with her, she took care of […]
i dont have many friends, i have a few friends that i talk to at school but i cant really rely on them, theirs only 2 friend in my life that i can acctually talk to about things and trust they wont tell any one, but i only see one of them at school and the other 1 dont see i just talk to her on msn now and again but thats it and her life is fucked up her step dad kicked her out theirs no room at her mums so she’s staying at her sisters but her sister only lets her stay their if she luks […]
 I think it all happened in seventh grade. I met this wonderful girl, her name was Patricia. I first met her in drama class, she had brought this razor to class and was cutting up her notebook. All I could think of was the razor I played with last night cutting into my wrists again and again. I slowly fell for her, she didn’t even help me up. I was so near to telling her how I had felt, but she told me about this guy, they were going out and she was inlove with him. . . She tore my heart out, squised it […]
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