at least thats how i feel, this is probably selfish, if not mean of me to even think, but hes wrong. everything is always worse to begin with but it can get better. if he isnt willing to get help hes gonna end up putting a weight 10x the one hes scared of on everyone’s shoulders. he won’t get better till he gets help. and until then hes a corpse waiting to happen. i need him to get help. i had to do it when i felt like i couldn’t. he’ll always feel like he can’t until he does. once he does he’ll see the need to. his family can’t feel the weight yet but i can. […]
I was once a very active user on this sight, It was here I came when I was at my lowest point. I came here, like i believe many others did, in search of a good, solid method and also a partner. In my worst moments this sight was there for me, when nothing else was, when there was no one to talk to in my life this place offered a sympathetic ear that both understood my thoughts and offered no judgment, only advice, support and love. I have met some of the best people on the world here. Learned more about life and myself from them […]
After a very long, rough, antagonizing night of my indecision to commit suicide to be with my lost fiance’ I’ve decided to stay. It was the first time since the night I found out he died the I had truly sat down and wrote letters to my family, to my best and only friend, and to the man who has been trying to pick me back up since I have fallen saying goodbye and how much I really loved them and didn’t want them to hurt. So to say it was for attention would be a lie. I don’t much like attention although […]
I went to a grief support group last night. It took me two weeks to find one that would take me. I live in a fairly large city (roughly 2 million), but yet every single place I called told me I didn’t belong there (except one.) I called hospitals, grief support groups, community mental health organizations, counselors (in fairness, they’d take me, at the tune of $90 and up and hour), and every referral service I could find on the internet. I even called suicide prevention, but they did not have any new names of organizations that I had not tried.
I explained the same thing […]
Uh i just need to write this to someone,maybe this time someone out there will hear me i can’t do this anymore being ingored by everyone.So i guess this is a blog where we share our suicide stories it is my first time doing this i hope i don’t get judged even in here.So here is my story..My name will remain unknown for reason but i am 16 years old.When i was a little kid i was very very outgoing never shy of anyone i would always laugh and be happy i can say i had a pretty good childhood.but everything changed when i was […]
I have a long list of psychological problems and conditions. I once had passion for life and love, but no more. My level of intelligence, education, similar issues, and past compel me to make comparisons with that popular actor on The Big Bang Theory. The asexuality aspect of it isn’t a result of E.D. or some physical dis-function. I no longer desire any kind of relationship. I always knew I would die alone. Now I can’t imagine it any other way. As is par for the course, I had my share of suicidal thoughts, cutting, and even a real attempts. Bad news for the younger readers; […]
Over a year ago i lost you…
I loved you more than anything and you left me. You killed yourself and you wrote on this site before you did it so now i am.
I cant take being without you anymore. Ive missed you for so long. I thought maybe with time itd get better but its been so long. I just want to be with you. I am so lonely without you. Your family still blames me. It makes me feel so horrible inside. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe i did something. Even though you said it wasnt anyones fault it was a pproblem with […]
dear sp, i want to thank you, all of you, for saving my life. this episode has been a rough one, with closer calls than i care to think of. yea, life is still shit, and still not sure what all to do to fix it. however, i found a group of like minded people, with the same problems. how refreshing. all of your words touch the fabric of my being. i carry your pain and anguish as my own, as they are the same as mine. what amazing people i have found here. such talent. such wit.(kumbuyya moment folks, woo hoo) will we survive? […]
I’m so tired of living (more precisely breathing). I wish I was tired of posting the same old repetitive story about my frustration, guilt and unsuccessful attempts of redemption too. But this is the only thing I can do, sit in front of a laptop and write about how miserable I am and how much that I hate myself. One prime reason that my guilt has amplified is because I could have avoided that.I used to be on the other side, the brighter side. I should have/ could have tried a little harder to change things for good but my attempts failed miserably for the […]
Was life meant to be painful
I thought i was a precious gift from your parents
Its suppose to be joyful
Happy
Pure
Exciting
But its actually a living nightmare
I didn’t know i could despise people so much
Even the ones i love
Im letting them down
Including myself
I just want to get better
Thats all
I don’t want to fall in this massive abyss of sadness
But it feels like i’ve been tumbling
I want to change
But can i escape this depression?
I’ve tried to not give up and started living again, but I come back to my dark side. Fuck this, fuck all of this, it’s not gonna get better, no signs of improvement are showing. I’m destined to be alone and a failure, everybody ignores or leaves me and I’m gonna be a fuck up, I have no hopes, no dreams,they all died along time ago, why am I even pushing further, when I don’t have the will or effort to even do it. Enough is enough, I’m gonna kill myself.
I still feel is if I’m still to young to complain or feel sorry for myself yet, I get a mixture of guilt and worry.
But, to put it simply, I believe our existence is meaningless, I feel alone, because I am, but that’s not really necessarily true.
I have some family like a mom and errr- dad, but I’ve never viewed them as companions.
I feel alone, no one can understand me, apparently. I wish my ‘depression’ was very simplistic, but it’s because of a fact that can’t be changed.
I just have no one. Iv’e cried lots till I can’t even if I tried.
I always dream of […]
It’s gotten so bad lately. Like, seriously, I’m doing worse in school and I’ve been so close to ending it 4 times in the past 2 months. I have it all planned, I can just never execute the plan. What am I suppose to do? Everything is getting worse, my friend might die from an illness and my other “friend” just causes me stress and makes it hard to not relapse. I already have but I’ve been clean since but it’s so hard to not relapse. I want it. But I don’t. I don’t want anymore scars, I don’t want to hurt. Sometimes I feel […]
Dear whoever,
Is there even anybody who reads this? Or maybe we’re all just self indulgent in our misery :/
Anyway here I am, this is new. I feel silly. My boyfriend abuses me. Mostly emotionally but sometimes physically. It’s not stopping.
Tbh I must be really unlucky or been a dictator in my past life. I was adopted because my parents were too young and too high on some kind of drug, I don’t know which they never told me. Unfortunately my adopted parents weren’t…great? Well my mum mainly, but I blame my dad more because he knew she was hurting me but ignored it.
So I guess […]
It’s been so long since I slept. I can’t focus and I keep leaving work early because I can’t stay awake. Get home and i can’t stop my mind to sleep. It’s whirring constantly like white noise. I can’t even deal with my thoughts separately, to make progress. I’ve finally found a decent therapist (after years of shitty ones) but I’m still scared it won’t get better. I get attached to people easily and get so easily offended. I need to be stronger but I can’t be here much longer it’s so exhausting just waking up :/ I keep thinking of ways to end it […]
Drawing Just Like That, Bring Back Memories, is reminds me that i was crying to get better at drawing,i laughted, 🙂
If your battling depression and issues in your life right now. The crazy stuff going on in the world doesnt help much.
We have plagues like Ebola and the Black Plague popping up and killing lot of people. Other mysterious illnesses are
popping up and injuring people and doctors don’t even know what some of the Illnesses are. e have wars in the middle east
we have countries beefing up their arsenal of nuclear weapons and making threats towards other nations.
We have governments taking away peoples rights and people that have been sworn to protect us making declensions
that make things worse for us…. and some of those elected […]
family and friends repeat the same words, “itll get better, itll pass with time, this is just temporary” but it isnt, they dont understand how much pain ive been in, and when i get up to do something about my sadness im told im crazy, why would i do that, maybe i am crazy, but im trying yo find my happiness, what im doing now, the journey i took over the holiday week, i may not come back alive, but i am reaching out and trying to grasp my happiness, wish me luck, if this is my last post then that means i did not […]
My step dad is a drug addict, and yesterday he said he was quiting and then today he has the nerve to come to me and ask for my pills, it’s like if i dont give them to him hes gonna hate me but if i do then i hate me i just want him to get better or get out it’s not fair that i have to live with him let alone my 2 year old sister i mean just fix yourself or leave my house.
I don’t know what I’m doing. People always say “there is reason for living, there is reason to stay alive” but I don’t see that. What’s my reason? My 3 best friends of 3.5 years that stopped talking to me two days before my birthday? My dad that left when I was two weeks old?
A friend of mine once said to me (before his girlfriend blocked me on his account) “You can’t say no one else has any reason for living.” but what I was trying to say to him was, why are any of us alive? What is the point of life? We aren’t […]