but i just want to die. I’m tired. i have been suicidal before. but this is different. because i know the outcomes. things get better. but they never really change. and i don’t want to live an entire life cast under this shadow. if that makes me weak, out of touch, mentally ill, so be it. all i ever wanted was some form of justice -some type of recognition. i never got anything. the man that ruined my life sits on the beach and i’m sick of it, so bye. sorry i couldn’t be the strong one.
Tag:
get better
Hello. My name is Bill and I’m 45 y/o.
This is the first time I have spoken to anyone about this, but I feel compelled to right now.
My life began falling apart about 7 yrs ago, and has continued to worsen to the point where I feel the end is near.
I had it all. Married. Great job and career. House. Cars, financially stable and moving up and forward. No kids though. Wife couldnt have kids. Then, in the course of a few weeks I lost everything. Lost my job. Two weeks later, wife left me unannounced. Saw neither coming. Lost everything in divorce. […]
Tears taste salty. When you just shed tears, they give a sensation of warmth in the eyes. When they roll down to the cheeks and neck, it feels cold. After crying for about an hour the tears stop rolling no matter how hard you cry inside.Crying all nights gives early morning headaches. These are facts I never thought I would have to acknowledge someday. But, here I am practically experiencing every inch of it. Its not coming to an end. I’m not sure if this tunnel chose me or I chose that, but I am walking through a dark tunnel and I can’t see light. […]
Last time I wrote on here I thought I was feeling bad. Well, I’m worse now. And what makes it harder to deal with, is that everyone saw me get better and believe that’s still the case. After my parents spoke to my psychiatrist few months back they were so stressed and worried about me being depressed and suicidal. I don’t want to put them through that again. My best friend has enough troubles to deal with, I don’t want her to worry about me as well. It just sucks that I would do so much harm if I spoke about it and I feel […]
For the past 6 years I have suffered from severe depression and social anxiety. There has never been a good time in my life. Before I even developed mental illnesses my Dad was an abusive asshole to my mother and sometimes to me and my siblings. I’ve never had a true friend, I click with no one and relate with no one. I’ve been in therapy for about 3 years now and it seems like nothing is getting better. I left school on the first day of last year because of how bad things were getting; I just couldn’t handle it any longer.
So basically all I’ve been […]
will it ever get easier ?
ive tried many things to bring myself out if this dark place.
its like im stuck and every horrible thing is on replay.
and i just want the thoughts to stop.
maybe killing myself will make it all better.
write a note saying its not my families fault.
that i was just sad unhappy with the person ive become.
im fat , alone , suicidal , and just want to disappear for a while.
i want to be forgotten when i die so my family wont be sad.
i just want it to get better.
I want to be strong for my husband and my kids, but I don’t know how I can go on much longer. I have been sick for 2 years now, and no one knows what’s wrong with me. I’ve been in pain every day, and it’s making me a worse and worse person. When my husband and I first met he was so in love with me, and now he can’t stand me. He tells me that it’s not my fault and he loves me, but I can tell that he doesn’t. I’m just a burden to him. He won’t admit it but I can […]
Dear Reader,
Thank you for taking a moment to read my last thoughts. It is appreciated even in death.
What did I do? I took a huge amount of pills.
Why did I do it? I couldnt stand the physical and emotional pain anymore. The stress of day to day life was too much for this fragile soul.
That being said, I will be in a better place. I know my family will miss me, but they will get over it in time. I’ve tried the “just wait, things will get better” game. It seems only those cut out for life get over these things. I’m just not meant […]
I’m turning 21 in a month. I’ve felt this way, at least to some degree, as long as I remember. Everyone always tells me “time heals all”. I don’t feel like anything has been healed. I’m stuck. The only way to discribe how I’m feeling is I’m in a clear box full of water, literally drowning in my own tears, but there is no way out. I can see everyone that I care about and people who care about me and those who say they do.. they are living their lives but all causally glancing over at me. Because they’ve all tried to “fix ” […]
It’s a struggle to get through the day. Often I get off work and first thing I do is drink myself to sleep, around 4pm, it only takes me about 30 minutes and I’m asleep, good ol tequila….but the rest of my life is pain. I constantly think of suicide. I heard her voice this morning, when she came to pick up the dog, she was laughing with my roommates…perfectly fine…perfectly happy. When I wake up in tears daily. It always comes back to this. I am 24 years old, a lesbian, and I am constantly coming back to this depression. Sure there are breaks […]
I thought I was doing good by not saying that as often on public forums. It’s natural to blurt it out every 10 minutes though. Sometimes the feeling creeps up behind me and forces me to shutter my head neck and shoulders, then the words come out.
When I say I hate my life.. it means I hate where my life has come from, where it left me and where I know it will keep leading me. I don’t hate the world even though that comes out sometimes too. I don’t hate people even though there is so much evil out there. I feel I’m […]
It is amazing how life can fall out of grasp within a blink of an eye. It is like yesterday that I was happy and carefree with the world shinning brightly before me. However, it is not yesterday, it is today and today I feel as if there is nothing for me. The world is not mine for the taking and the Sun has disappeared completely. I’m sad, I’m lonely and I fear it will never get better. Maybe life isn’t for everybody because I may be breathing but inside I’m suffocating. Life shouldn’t be this hard. Living has simply turned into surviving and I […]
I don’t know why I bother going to therapy. I don’t know why I bother telling her the things I can’t talk about with anyone else. I don’t know why I try to get better, because I always find a way to fuck it up.
I fucked up today. It may cost me a job I had been relying on getting offered.
I don’t know what to do any more. I don’t know how to keep trying when I keep making it all wrong. I just exist wrong, and you know, maybe some people do. Maybe I’m just an aberration and I should have got the picture […]
Him. He’s been my best friend for 3 years. Honestly I think he’s my soulmate. Like you don’t have to be dating them to think that. Having a close friend (like him) can also make them your soulmate.
I told him about all ways I’ve hurt my self and we’ve been closer ever since. He’s so understanding about it. He didn’t judge me at all. He wants to help me get better.
I know I’ve hurt him though… I mean who wants to hear that their favorite girl is feeling/doing these things..
I’ve never realized how much he cares about me and how important I am […]
….oh yeah..
I’m suddenly feeling a manic episode coming on. I’m at a crossroads with this feeling.. I don’t know whether to try and use it to feel better or keep low with the help of my sad music and bad habits. I just don’t want to crash again..it’s getting so old I just want to keep myself down and depressed as long as possible. But time goes by and I get nothing done in my life. I cant eat to the point of self harm. The problem with these manic feelings is that they always drop suddenly without warning, that or I become delusional […]
No matter how bad your life may be right now. It seems to always get better. You just have to keep your head up. I’ve went through it all. Never thought I would be where I am today. Thanks to my mom and the help I got. Know that you’re not alone. We all have problems. You don’t have to face them alone. If you ever need help im always here for anyone that needs it. You’re king, you’re a queen. Stay beautiful. Stay strong. <3
Okay, so I know this is probably seen time and time after again. Some poor sap crying about how sad they are about their relationship issues. And normally I would be one of those people who would be quick to call the person out on their drama, but idk, its different for me. I’ve recently started coming out of the closet. I’m a guy btw. My parents were supportive. I’ve told a couple friends and they’ve been supportive. I’ve been dating this guy for the last 7 months and have fallen head over heals in love with him. He is so special to me. He’s […]
I’ve realized that nothing amuses me or makes me happy. My life is becoming a boring routine. I’m in college and yes, I have different classes every day but it’s all the same to me.
Today, I woke up at 5:20. I don’t drive so I have to rely on someone who has their own business to drop me off. I went to class, where I almost fell asleep in. Now I have this huge gap, 4 hours, until my last class. I have no friends here. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t mind it but it gets boring. Then I’ll most likely go […]
I want to tell you something. To be honest, it’s hardly exciting, but hey, won’t you listen anyway? It’s- it’s my story. Who knows, maybe you’ll incorporate something from my tale into yours, something positive I hope. Perhaps that will make my story meaningful in some way.
Today I lost my final bastion of support. But really, I can only blame myself at this point; truly, I should have either gotten a lot better by now. The past 10 months has witnessed me trying to hang myself a countless quantity of times. Pardon the unimaginative phrasing, but I am utterly, utterly dead and wasted inside. I’ve […]
After spending 4 weeks on a Psychiatric unit/ward I don’t feel much better then I did before I went in, feel a wee bit better but not much.
I really don’t know what I’m going to do with myself I still want to die but at the same time I want to get better, As anyone fellt these emotions at the same time before? I feel that it’s too late for me I car’t see my life with out depression and psychosis.
I see all the people that are fighting for their lives with cancer or other terminal illnesses, And who wants to live. Then they […]