Man I hope I get better n if I need surgery to for my spine n the pain will stop hopefully stupid muscle spasms it hate myself it’s very difficult for me not to worry about the future of my well being it scares me cause I want to get better so badly I’m hurting constantly every day it’s something else on me one day it’s my neck another could be my shoulders or any other part of me that feels wrong n out of place I can’t sleep at times n when I do I don’t want to get up because of how pain […]
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get better
I just.. I feel so empty. Yeah, normally its easy to laugh it off and hide behind a mask, act normal, human even. But right now, when I’m sitting at home and in bed, all of my walls come down. I feel so weak and hopeless- and of course my parents choose this very moment to tell me how worthless I am and how I’ll never amount to anything and how I should have been more like my brother. The worst part? I agree with them.
I’m not anything special; I don’t have any outstanding talents- and trust me on this. I can read people […]
My Body is hurting like crazy I hope my pain has a limit because I’m so tired of it all damn muscles spasms n it’s too much pain I have pills but I choose not to take them my spine n back feel like the springs on a slinky going forward I have a few friends I like to chat with n to maybe help me to get better in a way by making me laugh n at times I just don’t know whether I want to just throw in the towel n say I’m done with life it seems I’ve been waiting […]
I could really use some right now… I feel like shit and I know it won’t get better at least today. I want someone to talk to but at the same time I’d rather not burden anyone with my presence.
My birthday is tomorrow and I find myself researching ways to kill myself. I have felt suicidal since I was 7, yet I always convinced myself that tomorrow would be better. I have lived this lie for 19 years. I’m sick of it.
I tried to jump out of a moving car on Wednesday night. My fiance stopped me. When I thought about how horrible it would have been for him to see me like that, it made me feel so wretched.
I am an abuser. I abuse him like my parents abused me. I don’t hit him, but I hurt him with my existence. I am […]
It’s too late for me I’m already damaged goods. I’m nothing but a concoction of regrets and despair. My insides are full of darkness. Wallowing in despair plotting my own demise smiling is my best disguise. People keep telling me to “keep pushing it gets better” and when it doesn’t they say it again but they never really mean. I ask them “what for?” and they tell me “because that’s just how life is. Well I don’t enjoy “life” and I never really have. Disappointment after disappointment embarrassing moments always feeling uncomfortable. I guess thats just how it is when you’re a foster child, constantly […]
I’ve recently moved countries (From America to South Korea) and I know I’m depressed. Theres no doubt about it. I’ve been depressed since i was in 6th grade, so for about 3 years now. And I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to kill myself very soon. People tell me everything’s going to get better but for the past 3 years, everything has been getting worse and worse. I found out about the medicine ******** I believe, but I’m still working on how to get it. I’m 16 and I’ll obviously need a parents permission. I just want this process sped up. But i […]
I looked through some old stuff of mine today. It seems like the past three weeks have been about understanding around when hell began. I found a diary from when I was 13, seven years ago. As I read it I’ve noticed some minor symptoms of depression, so, the illness actually existed a long time before I knew it, but it definitely reached its peak two years ago.
I just joined the army then, and lasted four days. It was the purest hell I couldn’t imagine. Pain, all over. Not that physical, tolerable pain. Emotional pain. Nothing seemed important anymore. Not my family, not my life. Then, on the […]
I realise things will never get better for me. I’m a an ugly retard with no personality or talent and I have chronic mental health problems (borderline personality disorder, social anxiety). This life is futile, I’m a moron and there is no point to my existence. But how can I end it when there are people who love me and vice-versa? My aunt adopted me after my mum died and she spent years, $1000s, and energy treating me as her own despite my differences and what I put her through. I think it would tear her apart. But what’s the alternative? If I stay here […]
I came to that conclusion myself and that state of mind is what kept my suicidal thoughts in check for the past 8 years.
But now perhaps I stop believing in what I’ve came up with.
Lately I have to consciously activate my self preservation instinct on my every waking hours, and it’s so exhausting.
It’s considered more tragic when teenager commit suicide because of what they might missed out on and the fact that thing will get better.
So when I see a 63 years old man, who may have 10 or so more years left to live, chose now instead of waiting, it […]
I am not done or anything, I think I don’t really want to kill myself, I just find it soothing to have the posibility at hand and I know I would be brave enough to do it. I guess I’ve always been addicted to something, whether it’s a person or a drug or a thought or a fantasie or an action. I’ve had a lot of best friends and I have been addicted to self-harming and alcohol and weed and I just can’t seem to land on reality because I am always daydreaming. Reality has always been a burden to me partly I guess because […]
All I wanted was to be normal, to have a happy and peaceful life, to love and be loved. That’s all I ask for. Apparently that’s just too much.
After 31 years, my life hasn’t gotten any better–in fact, it’s gotten multitudes worse. I’m even more messed up, completely broken on the inside and unable to cope with life.
Is life a cruel joke? It probably is.
Is life unfair? Oh it most certainly is. And I definitely got the short end of the stick.
Will I ever feel fine? Will I ever be able be at ease and enjoy life?  At this moment, I feel hopeless, in despair. […]
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