I like fighting, as a sport and life I guess. I really want it all to end. But I can’t bring myself to end it, I really want something out of my control to give me a fight I can’t win for my demise. Apparently that’s tougher than it seems, I’ve been hit by 2 cars in 1 week and it left me with little more than some bruises. I’ve survived 7 attempts (apparently I’m bad at it) and numerous accidents growing up and I wake up almost astonished that I’m still on the planet. I seriously walk around miserable and I can’t do anything […]
Tag:
Girlfriend
Broken People, by Scott Hildreth a book that provides hope from a survivor
written by Scott Hildreth
Hello, I am Scott Hildreth, the Author of Broken People. At the age of thirteen, my uncle committed suicide. I hated him for it. At the age of twenty one, my girlfriend committed suicide. I spent a lifetime carrying a poem that she left me in my wallet. Additionally, I carried guilt. Crushing guilt. I felt awful, guilty, and no longer trusted people.
A few years ago, a close friend committed suicide. Then, I decided it was my turn.
I didn’t succeed.
This year, I met a girl who needed help. A suicidal bulimic teen.
I wrote a very uplifting and deep book that has touched the hearts of […]
**This is a jumbled up mess…**
Ever wonder why you bother? I always do. I find nothing in life that is worth fighting for. I feel lost and alone. But I know I’m not. My family, friends, and girlfriend love me very much. It has been them that has kept me from following through with my dark thoughts. I’m writing here today because I made a pact with myself before I started college. If I could no go through with it, then I have nothing left to offer. I told myself it’s over once I get that email, letter, talking too. People saying you failed! Why bother?
It happened.
Now […]
So this is my first post and I’m either afraid I will leave out too many details or give too many details. I’m not really sure who will read this but there is no happy ending to this story. Here we go.
To start things off I’ve never been truly happy I suppose. I’ve lived pretty rough at this point. Early on in life I dealt with an abusive sibling who being much older tortured me in ways I dare not say at this point. Things seemed to ease up upon taking up gymnastics which gave me an outlet to do things. However this gave me untold […]
I’m so positive, always smiling, laughing, telling people what they want to hear, trying to make them happy but sometimes when I’m alone, I just can’t control myself. I fight myself, knowing I will loose. I just, I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain. People out there, having fun, couples, or friend groups, going out everyday, their parents let them go out. But they are always wanting for more, i don’t understand. Is it fair? I love living and life but sometimes it’s seems so dark I can’t even find the light switch. Â Ofcourse I feel so blessed for all of these, so […]
I don’t know what it is about Saturdays, but my fiance develops this overwhelming cruelty on those days and tonight. Last saturday I spent the night in our closet because he punched me in the nose and didn’t let me leave. Tonight I cowered in a corner while he yelled at me that I’m ugly, stupid, a shitty excuse for a girlfriend, that my attitude sucks, and that I need to apologize to his friends for acting so “embarrassing” tonight. I got upset over a video game we were playing. I admit that it’s childish but I didn’t throw things around the room, punch walls, […]
My GirlFRIEND Does Not Love Me I Think I LOve Her But I Feel LIke Dieing
This Girl That I Love That Is MY Girlfriend cares about another guy and not me i love her so much im so bliend But i still love her she hurts me cuz she kisses the cheek of another guy and kisses him i love S and it hurts me knowing she just playing with me
You know what, this IS your fault! I said it plenty of times, I NEED you and I will DIE without you! You should have listened to me if you wanted me to live! You don’t show people you care about them by ignoring them! Do you feel guilty? You should, after the absolute HELL you’ve been putting me through! You should have NEVER told me you loved me if you never really meant it! I love you a lot! You’re the center of my universe and the light in my life! You are a GODDESS of beauty! When I am with you, everything just […]
Im New So I was Thinking Of Killing My Self But I Did Not Cuz Of My Girlfriend That Starts With The S She Was Going to Brake Up With Me cuz Im Jelly All time cuz of what Happen To Me on My Other Relation Ship I was Being Cheat On And So I thought i Might Get Cheat On Agen And I dont Want That So My Girlfriend Gave Me One Last Chance So I Must Not Make A Error On This Cuz i might Lose Her She Means A Lot to me Cuz We Did Some Stuff and She Made me a […]
The Universe told me not to go to the park that day.
As I pulled into your driveway, my phone buzzed.
You were calling me. Why?
“Scide is going to kill me. Scide is going to kill me.”
Your voice is gurgled and muffled by your tears.
I burst in and your ‘girlfriend’ isn’t there.
You’ve locked yourself in your room.
Open the door. She knows about everything and it’s all my fault and now she’s gone. Open the door, Scide. I deserve to be punished. Open the fucking door. Go away. If you hurt yourself, I’ll go away, too.
You become silent, this entity […]
So I have been on this site for a while and I’ve seen some people that all they need is a friend. I wish I could help all of you I wish I could do something worth while. This site made me look at things differently it made me appreciate what I had and how long I’ve had it. But I cant keep going anymore, what happened was the straw that broke the camels back I’m leaving and I don’t know if I will be coming back. The world is a cruel place and good people die because we can’t be as cruel as the […]
My body…
As i lay i count the amount of scars on my body. My broken cut ridden scarred body…
I start counting, and only count what is still visible after months to years of time for the wounds to heal. My scars all have a story of their own, and all signify a problem, feeling of hopelessness and lost cause, emotionless, a perfect day in hiding.
I count 10…54…71… 84 well that’s it for those that are visible in my shorts and cut off T-shirt. Most of them aren’t visible and overlap so it’s impossible to get an accurate count of them the ones that i have […]
I’ve had this saved for some time now. Realised from the moment I thought it that one day I would use it. My family, especially my parents, have the right to know why I decided to do the unthinkable. They have no idea I’ve been researching it for months. Devious really. This is a material world and I want out.
To My dear loving family
Forgive him all for what he’s done
A departed soul he has become
His pain and suffering so much so
He had no choice but to go
Young, loving and so very proud
But in the end was beaten by deaths dark […]
So I’ve been alive for sixteen short years, some say its barely long enough to think I know what pain is. But you see, I do know what it is. Because pain is the descent of hate; which I am very familiar with. I don’t have the hardest life, but it is not easy. I’m still growing up, in a family who doesn’t like me; a town who knows my name. But for all the wrong reasons, I’ve been pushed around all my life, put down; and kicked while I was on the ground. I started cutting in fifth grade, came out to some friends […]
I dunno. Life man. I’m so burnt out on this shit. In the past I made a lot of mistakes and now they are finally catching up with me. I have never been happy, but I try. When I was younger I was the fat kid and everybody picked on me. So I had no friends. Then I went to college, did a bunch of drugs, and ended up in a psyche ward. I got my shit together after that and went back to the university. Then I met a girl. Well, I loved her, […]
I trusted some one again and they left me i gotten back a friend but i dont think she wants to talk to me really any more i have my friend i made this year hes a good friend i think i bug him some times i dont think i will ever find some one that whants to be my girlfriend more one day as much as i want some thing with them i put in so much effort with every one to put a smile when there sad or mad but whos there for me when i need it no one i just want […]
For you,
I would climb any mountain.
I would cross any river.
I would navigate through any desert.
I would go through anything,
for you.
For you,
I would walk a thousand miles.
I would limp a thousand miles.
I would even crawl a thousand miles.
I would do it on hot coals.
I would do it on ice.
I would do anything,
for you.
For you,
I would love no other.
You are my entire world.
But you don’t care.
I would cross the world for you,
but you wouldn’t take a single step for me.
So why do I keep coming back?
Because I would […]
And time an time again here i am .
About to take a massive over dose of venlafaxine and tramadol.
Mixed with codine just to see if its going to take my mind off my piss poor life
Ive lost every thing, Â my home my family my kids my amazing girlfriend, Â all because im fooked in the head.
Being homeless an living out the boot of your car sucks .
I was better than this
But now im just scum , whats the point ?
I’ve been arguing with myself over the topic of suicide for a while now. I randomly came across this site from a Google search about suicide and felt inclined to sign up and post something. I’ll be surprised if anyone even reads this. Or comments. Or offers help.
I’m deeply, horribly depressed, and I don’t get why. I’ve never been abused. I’ve never lost a loved one. I don’t come from a broken family. I grew up in a comfortable lifestyle. I have no reason to be depressed. Alas, I am. I’m empty inside.
Although I grew up in a comfortable home, I never had […]