I thought I would be okay, but in three day’s time, I had another accident.
A few days ago, I slit my wrist up. Never deep enough to kill, but just enough sting to get the point across. I padded it up and wrapped an ace bandage around it, claiming I just sprained it. No one at work questioned it, my boyfriend didn’t say anything outright about it. It’s hard to keep things from him though. So I told him. He grabbed my wrist and took a glance. He said my name, which sounded so… Off. It doesn’t feel right when he says it. It […]
Tag:
Glance
This can’t be right, this has to be a nightmare, a bad dream, induced by too many pieces of Halloween candy. I have to be seven years old, eight years old, tossing and turning in my bed. This cannot be my life, it shouldn’t be. I’m 14 years old and I’m a self-harmer, a ‘cutter,’ though I’d rather say I cut myself. The scars on my skin are mysteriously starting to fade, not that you’d know it. You’d take a glimpse at my unscarred arms, glance at the armband on my right wrist that never comes off. You might think for a moment that my […]
I sit at the table. And there’s a teddy resting under my chair. I sit here alone, in this room. No one knows I sit here. I don’t know whether it’s day or night, I don’t care. The air is light and it smells of quartz, so lulling. The whole room is blue, only the lamp on the table is pale yellow, like a moth. I sit here and dream, and I talk to the lamp. The clock on the wall is ticking rhythmically, like a metronome…Â
I pick up the teddy from under the chair, and I put it on the table […]
Wrapped in a catacomb, bound by my fears
Insanity knocks, as doomsday is near
I open the door, and let it walk in
To take me to ruins, to show me the end
Lucid at times, and fearing what’s next
But insanity reassures me, I’ll enjoy the big wreck
I’ll glow in the torment, that takes over my mind
And relish in darkness, that is so easy to find
I will walk in the pestialance, that grows oh so near
But will not feel the sickness, as I face my own fear
I glance at the shell, that once held my life
And I know now at […]
So to to make it as short as i can..im a 15 year old girl living in a tiny town out in the middle of no where, i have a few friends that are close..but i just finished my freshmen year, and im back almost all my credits because i missed to much school, when i used to get straight A’s the middle school.. because i couldnt even handle getting out of bed everyday, and facing all those happy people, with there boyfriends and girl friends, and there cute clothes, which i cant get only because my size..and all my friends seem to have boyfriends […]
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
to sheild me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,
if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superfical phony games.
I […]
And boy, BOY am I doing it wrong.
I have no traumatic past, troubling future (at least in anyone else’s view), or any of these other socially acceptable reasons for despair. I grew up with a normal family, normal income, normal everything. I really have nothing to complain about in my past. But, holy shit that’s what sucks. I am fucking bored out of my mind with everything. Everything is so bland, unappealing, status quo, daily grind.
So, obviously it’s not particularly anybody’s fault for my current predicament, except for myself. But that’s the funny thing. I readily accept the fact that I have driven my […]
I’ve always known that I was depressed. But i put a good wall and hid it from everybody. At a glance, nobody would guess how rotten and dead i feel inside. I’ve read websites for “help” but honestly, I dont want help. I’ve been depressed and suicidal for so long. I have never felt wanted or truly happy. If at one point I was happy, everything would soon come crashing down. And I’d be in my bed crying myself to sleep, reaching over to get the scissors and start cuting on my arm.
Just like today. I was truly excited to go on a vacation with […]