For years, I’ve felt helplessly depressed. But through it all I had some mysterious and sometimes unwanted glimmer of hope keeping me moving on. I waited in my solitary shell for something to destroy the barrier I’ve built around myself and take me into a life worth living. I watched the world go by, knowing that I’ll never be like the beautiful people, the successful people. But that voice in my head kept telling me that there’s still hope for me. I hoped, and still do, to grow old and look back to say: “I’m proud of who I am”. But that voice that kept […]
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God
I am worthless fat and ugly unloved filth because of muslims they have called me fat and ugly so many times i’ve lost count god commands me to crush my cheeks against the concrete floor until my teeth fall out and my eyes pop out
by Bharati
written by Bharati
because of RELIGION I AM FILTH.
I AM GOING TO HELL. because of RELIGION.
I AM NOT INVITED TO HEAVEN because I am a dirty Srilankan who has done bad things. I am too UGLY TO be treated kindly >I am TOO FAT AND BAD to be treated kindly. Can someone ever see themselves flying through a hose with a brown shirt on, all that’s left of them because of ISLAM?
I Saw HOW GOD SAW ME AND DEPICTED ME AND know i’m going to HELL, and know HATRED and know CRUELTY and know a CRUEL JOKE> cruel joke spelled backwards is JESUS CHRIST. MY RELIGION is for […]
I am sick of the bullshit that people say to me about suicide. All are invalid or just something they say because they dont know what to say.
“it gets better” – are you personally guaranteeing that? in reality it can also and more likely get WORSE
“someone loves you stay alive for them” – If suicide is selfish isn’t demanding someone to stay for you despite their pain and misery even more selfish?
“suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” – unless of course the problem is permanent then the solution is perfect. I dont think a temporary solution for a permanent problem is very […]
commit suicide. and throw myself hard on the concrete floor tilll my cheeks get crushed in pain and all my teeth fall out and my ugly plain eyes pop out of their skull. i’m to throw myself against the concrete or off a bridge till my head cracks open and all the rottenness comes out, cut my nipples off and attack myself with a machete before the devil takes me
I really don’t want to have to do this. I don’t want to cause any devastation. I know that I don’t see why it would hurt anyone–I’m really nothing important. But I also know that death hurts people. It just does. No matter the nature of the relationship. People who you have never spoken to in your life will cry for you. It makes no sense to me at all. Perhaps, it scares them more than it saddens them? Makes them realize that they to are set to expire some day? I don’t know. But I’m just so tired, so exhausted in every way. I […]
My next surgery is coming in a week. It is exploratory since doctors are still trying to figure out my body. I am done. I do not ever want to see another doctor, have another surgery, I am done. I am unable to even try committing suicide right now because I am busy with commitments to the odd-jobs I do in the neighborhood. I need these jobs as I am poor and can’t be turning down offers of work. But I don’t allow myself to attempt suicide during these job commitments because if I failed and was placed in a psych ward I fear people […]
So I made quite a long post earlier “tl;dr” and since then Ive been reading through some posts and Ive realised I need to ask for help. Ive studied a bit of psychology and im sure im a manic depressive with social anxiety and mild eating disorders. I need to and want to ask for help but I dont know who or where to turn. Im reluctant to go to friends and family as I dont want them to see me differently, I wear a great mask have for years, they dont suspect much I dont think and I swear to god the slightest bit […]
Tonight I will close my eyes, knowing, that what is at the end of a needle or at the bottom of a bottle is more important than me. It is not a feeling or a thought. It is a fact. My life is worth less than a $20 dollar rush. I have had two days to ponder this and it has finally sink in. If God did not get his message through the first time with the first guy, He definitely got it through the second time with the new guy. I am not worth the effort or the time. I am a waste of […]
Consider the following, albeit imperfect, analogy.
The inventor of the automobile designed his creation to need both gasoline and oil. Remove one or the other and it will not function properly, if at all.
Then consider yourself a creation made by God, Who designed you as being both body and spirit. You feed yourself the best of foods (or medications) but you neglect feeding your spirit – you will be deficient in what it takes to make you *run* properly.
Trust me, friend. I scoffed for many years at God. Who needs it? I’m my own person, I am independent, I don’t need anyone or […]
I feel that every time I say that, someone always says “Yes, someone cares, you just can’t tell” or something like that.
But it’s true, no one would care. I’ve been sent to numerous foster homes. It’s like a return at a store. You get a confident girl who is smart and good at soccer, and you return a beat and battered girl who just didn’t fit your family.
Yeah, it’s like I’m someone’s property.
Then I have my friends. Two are dead, one is dying. I’m just great at choosing friends. The rest hate me. After the first time I tried to kill myself, the were very comforting and […]
I don’t know what to do or say anymore.
My friends don’t want to be around, they don’t want to hang out. The promises were all hollow. my family tells me to suck it up and get over it. My own mother told me to go and kill myself. I just cant take it anymore, I cant take having my caring thrown back at me, I cant take people always screwing me over. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. Im tired of being all alone, waking up alone, going to bed alone. I just don’t want to live anymore. I wish I had never heard […]
The constant movement, struggle, and rotation of the world sets my mind ablaze. The constant parade of our society shouting demands from all people of all ages to look like this, talk like this, dress like this, believe in this, support this; if not, you’re nothing. How sweet is that…?
The neverending battle between good and evil, which has an invisible origin, kills my nerves every day. It’s like it makes me paranoid, asking myself constantly, “Am I believing in the right God?”, “Am I acting like I’m supposed to in order to be a member of this spiritual group/organization?”…..thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ or […]
Not really even sure what I’m going to accomplish by posing to this website. I hate my life. It’s a pretty miserable existence being me. Not because I live in Africa where I have no food and poor hygiene. Not because I’m terminal with cancer. Not even because I was born to a horrible family that abused me. None of that. After everything that has happened to me in the past couple years especially, I can’t find a reason to keep going. I hate my god-forsaken fucking life. I hope I die soon. I hope to effect that change soon. And just so there is […]
And you may ask yourself
“Where is that large automobile?”
And you may tell yourself
“This is not my beautiful house!”
And you may tell yourself
“This is not my beautiful wife!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wg1DNHbNU
And you may ask yourself
“Am I right? Am I wrong?”
And you may tell yourself
“MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE?”
Letting the days go by let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Look where my hand was
Time isn’t holding up
Time isn’t after us..
A bell rings out.
A pitched sound that hits the eardrum
and cripples the heart.
A line of black parades the street.
The world’s colors fade away.
A black and white existence.
The vibrancy is ripped away.
And the thought that your life may never be the same
is a thought you never wanted to hit you.
But it does.
It hits you harder than anyone has ever realized.
And years have passed.
And you still cry at night
until the tears have numbed the pain in your chest
and you finally drift to sleep;
praying to whatever god there is
that you don’t wake up the next day.
Each morning
you wipe the dried tears from your face
and everyone around you
thinks you […]
It feels like my whole world is crashing down in front of me.I was once a christian and believed in all that God stuff but now idk. I feel like I dont fit in at all. My life is messed up my birth mom killed herself and miw i have the perfect family but why do i feel this way.
Last night was really scary. I’m 18, I’ve had suicidal thoughts off and on for over a year now, but lately they are pretty relentless. Yesterday I was having them all day, I’m not even sure why. I also just relapsed with my eating disorder. Every day I either restrict calories or eat and then make myself sick. I threw up twice yesterday. When it came time to go to bed I could not think about anything other than killing myself. I started to drift off and as I did I started picturing everyone who knows me going to my funeral and reacting to my […]
So many words and feelings in my chest….it hurts to try and push them out. I feel so sick and volatile. I just wish I could scream at everyone around me and burst into a million useless pieces. I keep thinking you’re here, when you’re gone into a forever I’m not capable of really knowing. I wish I could forget, and wash away with the roadkill.
I want to escape this pain so bad, all of this darkness that overwhelms me. I wish I could be free from these chains of regret, remorse, major depression, and saturated loneliness. I can’t commit suicide, which hurts even worse. My family […]
I’m so positive, always smiling, laughing, telling people what they want to hear, trying to make them happy but sometimes when I’m alone, I just can’t control myself. I fight myself, knowing I will loose. I just, I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain. People out there, having fun, couples, or friend groups, going out everyday, their parents let them go out. But they are always wanting for more, i don’t understand. Is it fair? I love living and life but sometimes it’s seems so dark I can’t even find the light switch. Â Ofcourse I feel so blessed for all of these, so […]
I have a great, great counselor. We’ve been through a lot together but things took a turn for the worse in my life about a year and a half ago and then I became physically injured on top of that. I had a list of phrases he helped come up with that used to help but now they no longer help. Like “I’m bigger than this” but I’m not, what I’m dealing with is bigger than me. I have fought and fought fought and almost made it, almost won but then I got smacked down and I can’t seem to beat my physical problems. I’m […]