I love him more than I love myself. I love him more than breathing. The only thing keeping me here is my boyfriend, the flame that keeps me warm eventhough all I feel is the paralyzingly coldness around me. I don’t want to leave him but I can’t stay anymore. What do I do? What can I do that if I do leave this world he will move on, that he won’t blame himself, that he’ll still be happy. I’m tore between my pain and my love, the only good thing left in my heart.
Tag:
good
And that’s being a fucking failure. I failed this semester. Couldn’t graduate. My parents won’t talk to me… even though I left them messages saying I felt awful and suicidal. I don’t have any friends, they’re really all I have. If they don’t give a fuck about me, who do I have? I bought a ton of dope last night, with intention to overdose and die. I was so fucking close. I woke up on my floor all disorientated, my limbs all numb because of the way I was laying on them for so long when I passed out… I FAILED AGAIN!!! I can’t even […]
Half an hour and I’ll be 25.
Anything could happen tomorrow. Will anyone put some light in my life? I hope so, I’m kind of confident that good things will happen. But I know what happens when you expect too much for your birthday.
Oh, there’s also that… tomorrow will have past a year since the last message I received from my dad. Will he at least let me know that he’s alive? If he does, will he be nice, or just as asshole as he was last year?
think again really. I think we’re all here for a reason. WHY? are we put here? on this earth. I’ve always questioned myself that. there are 3 main things to happiness in this life:
1- HEALTH
2- FAMILY(OR FRIENDS- OR EVEN JUST ONE FRIEND), so therefore:
3- LOVE
If you have those things, rethink things over. the good things in life happen whenever they need to happen. it sounds even annoying to say, but its the truth.
this is my story I hope it helps someone feel better : Social Anxiety Disorder, Homosexuality,Suicide
suicide thoughts come and go everyday for me. but… still here. […]
Has anyone found a good forum for discussing methods since we cannot do that here?
Is anyone interested in discussing methods? If so you may email me at jburr19777@yahoo.com
Please let me know age (preferably over 30) and why you want to end it all.
Hi, it’s Astley. So on friday, I walked into parents room and my dad says “You’re wearing long sleeves” and gave me a look. I sat down on the bed and my three year old brother leans over and said “Let me see” I pulled up the sleeve with my cuts on it and he looked at me and said “Now the right side” so I showed him (no cuts on the right side) and he said “good job” then went back to teen titans…
I am not fit for this world. my whole life I have been ‘that weird kid’ with maybe one friend at a time. I was never properly integrated into the chaotic social structure inside which resides any and all hope of being happy, and it is because of this that I am approaching the end…
I have been thinking about suicide for as far back as I can remember, but it was only recently that I got serious and began my new hobby of noose-tying. I know a lot of people on here say they are ‘horrible people’ and all that, but for me I think […]
If you are on this site you obviously feel suicidal. But I have something to say. Reading the comments something had come to my mind. Most of you post something saying your bad people and worthless etc but by reading the comments it came to my mind that your all good people. None of you deserve to die because your helping others. I read some of the comments on my posts and honestly it made me feel better and like there are people out there who care about others even though we don’t know eachother. This world is full of scum but people like you […]
i wish everybody on here and everybody in the world felt nothing but happiness at all times I wish there was no such thing as mean people I feel like if you really think about it most people’s sadness has to do with other people’s actions I just need for this world to be a good place I need to not raise my kids when I’m older to live in a place so depressing and fucked up I just need happiness and I need to be better at wording my thoughts because I sound like a little girl on here who isn’t making any sense
What happened to people spending their day on this website. It seems like this place died out quite a bit. This is my first time back in a few years, well last night was. Where is the traffic? Where are the people with biting judgements; the people with strict how to’s on getting better; the people ranting about non-events in their life?
I enjoyed reading the dramatic, and sometimes helpful, banter here. It was a good way to spend a Saturday, perhaps I shall move along, there are too many tumbleweeds in these parts. This site was a good place with little rules, which allowed you […]
Went to counselor today, had a really good session with this new counselor for the first time. Come home, Mom wants to know how the session went. Then Mom proceeded to say how the counselor doesn’t know anything. Mom somehow thinks she’s the expert and has all the answers on how to fix my life. Then later on I’m in another room of the house and I can hear her and my Dad bad-mouthing me. I’m glad they let me live here during this divorce process, but they FUCKING DRIVE ME CRAZY !!! Can anyone relate to this?
My life is defined by fear. What am I afraid of? That I will never feel happy, peaceful, or content. That I will never experience love, or form any kind of real connection with another person. That I will never see this world, or my life, as truly meaningful.
Why do I fear these things? Experience. It’s been so many years since I felt ok with reality. Since I got a good nights sleep. Since I had a good day. I can’t imagine anything that would make this life seem ok. I can’t imagine anyone ever being able to accept me as I truly am (pathetic, […]
When i wAs younger my grandfather used to molest me too. Am I not a person? Do I deserve no respect? Recently me and my boyfriend broke up. He cheated on me. Lots of people are dissing me not him. How I wasn’t good enough. I don’t think I was either. If I was maybe he wouldn’t have cheated on me.
I have only psuedo-interests that center around what other people think I am good at. Everything I think and feel is based on my environment and the people in it. I genuinely don’t think I enjoy anything on an interpersonal level, and the things that do give me joy are evil. My thought patterns are full of hatred, and my perceptions of the people and things around me are filtered through a distorted lense. I feel little social joy. Because of this, I find myself faking everything during communal events. I have to force myself into every social situation, and furthermore, I have to force […]
I know why I chose him, why I loved him so much more than myself. He was everything I wanted, because he was everything I wasn’t. Then I realized that I didn’t want to be like him and I didn’t want him anymore. I spent more than half my life trying to figure out a way to end it. Now that I am 24 and have been through things I still can’t believe I survived I appreciate life. I fear death and I hate myself every time I waste a second or a minute feeling negative or depressed because it’s a minute of my life […]
I’ve fought so hard and I just can’t fight anymore. The pain has too strong a hold of me and tonight I hope to blow my brains out and be released from its grasp. I will post an update should I be unsuccessful. Good night and hopefully goodbye everyone.
My essence, my essence, oh, eureka . . .
Hurl me, only my good friend knows
I lost or made one tonight
Whoa, but last night
I ate real quick and left
My essence, my essence, oh, eureka . . .
Rolling, my bike
Oh, Eureka
Where are you going
Zodiac, inside
Pegasus versus
To the other side
Totem, I chant to the sky
Hear me, heed, warrior
i’m curse like a bad luck come to every good people that i meet or that i love
that mean im nothing just a bad thing still alive
I doubt that anyone I know in real life will ever think to look on this forum to find my posts. But if they do, I want them to know that I forgive them.
Mom and dad, you weren’t always right, but it wasn’t for a lack a of effort. You tried your best for me for almost 42 years. I appreciate it all. Thank you.
Brother, we didn’t always see eye to eye. We had disagreements, but I remember the good times we had. Take good care of your kids and yourself.
Sister, we were best friends growing up. You are still special to me. Thanks for […]
In two weeks I will be, once again, living in Phoenix. I rented an apartment and bought a bed. It remains to be seen if this return after 6 months in Mexico and 3 months in Los Angeles will be any different from the last stay here (August 2013-14).
I can’t seem to drum up any real excitement. This is a financial move. I’m sure you are all tired of hearing about how I fell into this deep depression and how much I just want to have this life be over and sleeping without loneliness, depression and physical weakness.
Forgive me if I bore you all, forgive […]