you see? I don’t even know what to title this because I don’t even know how I feel. Actually I do; I’m worthless, useless like my brother says. I’m a freshman in college. I only got to finish fall & winter term because just today I got told I got dropped out of college. I’ve been distracted because my ex boyfriend left me without a reason. Yea it’s stupid to be sad over a boy but it’s something I can’t control. I gave this guy something I always treasured. He told me he loved me & he showed me he did. I am so confused […]
Tag:
good
I know this place
Without hope
Without sound
I visit it often
I know this place
The solo rock
The dead spirits
The Angels who were never born
I know this place
Where false prophets
Make dreary promises
My drinks gone cold
I know this place
Where your face
Blends with the ground
Someone else lives your dream
I know this place
Where heaven comes in a pill
Where the laughter is always in the other room
Where you’re sure you already died
I know this place
Where warm faces
Turn to gargoyles
You’re afraid to lift your head
Today I watched
While some guy […]
I stood on the railing in complete darkness. The glow tape on the stage below gave me an idea of the distance I would be falling. It wouldn’t be enough on it’s own, I’d have to dive head first in order to finish the job. The warmth of the upper level of the theater was comforting in what I thought were my final moments. My balance shifted, causing the thin cuts above my knee to reopen, my blood mixing with the nervous sweat I was covered in.
From this vantage point I could see all parts of the stage. I often came to this very spot […]
Lately, before I go to sleep, I read SP. I don’t do this because I am morbidly curious or just plain nosy, but because it helps me to realize that I am not alone. I don’t often comment (although I want to) because I honestly don’t know what to say. I want to hug you close and feed you comfort food and watch a good movie with you and make it all go away. Really, I should have the words because I work in the medical field and am surrounded by smart, caring and compassionate people every day, but guys…I’m so BAD at knowing what […]
It all comes full circle. Nothing really left. I am 47 have not felt this way in awhile. Lost all that was good. I am not weak. But just cant stand the thought about what is left. Things dont really change. I was not a drinker. But all i want to do is get fucked up on alcohol, pills, weed. I need relief. I have good friends play in a band, but am alone always alone.
I’ve spent 3 1\2 years living in a shadow. She never got over her ex. A few times, she actually admitted it. I love her, unconditionally. Our first month together was perfect. Maybe longer than that. After that, I just wanted to be enough. Never happened.
I lost a lot of respect from my family and those relationships went downhill so fast. I gave up so much for her. She never asked me to, and she would be the first to remind me of that.
I think she’s hanging around her ex. It kills me to think […]
Think about it –
DENIAL – death can’t be final right? god is in control right?. We need someone that will save us. We think – this can’t be all there is! our suffering must have a purpose right? Were gonna be in a better place after we die right? my grandpa is in heaven and his body is not his anymore but just a shell right?
ANGER – God why are you not listening to me? I been praying and trying to be a good person! fuck you!
BARGAINING – To me this what prayer is! I promise god ill be a good person if you help […]
I talked to him about the lack of communication between us; and it took a bit of getting through his stubbornness and thick head, buut, he understood eventually. We’re alright, which is good, he keeps me going. I may not try again after all.
But I have to suffer. I got ditched. She’s just a ***** cause she don’t want to understand. Unanswered emails, phone calls and texts. Ignore me, that’s a good way to heal a man.
I bet you’re living the good life now
Probably got back with your old boyfriend who treated you like crap
But I was the bad one
You couldn’t understand me
I hope you’re happy
I’m no longer a burden
Only on myself.
i’m working at my dream job. it is stressful but meaningful that i have some “uh-huh life is good” moments from time to time.
but every time when i sit down quietly, i can feel the pain. i feel the emptiness in my chest. i still wish i were dead.
seems like i see the good things as separate incidents while blaming all the bad things on life as a whole.
I’m an angry fuck for good reason (I think) !!! For every bad week there is a good day coming. Between that and my kids I keep the barrel out of my mouth, but the choice is there!!!
Which is not an easy thing to say, since it was about this same time last year that I was feeling the same way. My “Bete Noir” {Black Beast…it’s what I call my depressed self. I’m bipolar and my depressed self is NOT ME. This much I know to be true…} has surfaced and I’m in worse shape this year. I’ve lost my home; was fired from my job; lost everything I owned that was in storage for the past few years because I couldn’t afford the fees. Still have my old car but haven’t been able to afford insurance, so my license is probably […]
All my life, i’ve been hopinh that the future will bring something good. So far my life has been filled with pain, I know it may seem how I have it easy compared to other people with real problems, but every time it comes, it hurts so much. Mosts nights I spend crying myself to sleep. This has happened for the past three years. My only hope and is that I have someone to be happy with, she held me up, she made me feel that I wasn’t trash, that I could be something, that I was human. Even with her being around whenever it […]
SHE. That’s how I refer to her when I talk to you. Because it hurts to see you happy with someone else. I see pictures of the two of you and it Kills me. I want nothing more than to be yours again.. and then I remember how you treated me. Every time you made me feel worthless and unwanted. Every time you spat my name as though it were some foul substance that your body was rejecting. I was never a part of ‘us’ because you were with me out of pity. So Why do I still speak to you? I think part of […]
I give up ! There’s no hope anymore, everything I do is futile and I’m too lonely. Life keeps playing tricks on me; I would be fine one morning, then, almost out of nowhere, I wake-up to something terrible, and I’ll be sitting there wondering why it happened.
I’ve had enough. I don’t know what the end will be; I think it may be suicide; cutting myself looks so good right now, I had resisted doing it for a long-time.
I’m so sick of people, I’m sick of my self, I’m bored of life.
If you’re out there, God, just kill me already you fucking prick…At least make […]
Opiate withdrawals can go fuck off! I beat you again heroin, you cruel *****. I’m not letting you back in my life! I’m taking back control, for good.
I’ll start by saying: wherever there’s hope, there’s disappointment…
I don’t know why I visited the place; I hadn’t been to the park for years…Since, probably, at least it is the latest I can remember, me and my girlfriend were little love-birds humping each-other in the toilets. It looked, smelt– felt the same, indeed, so much so that one can only call it, eccentric. Maybe it is the hopefulness the memories possessed that took me there– or maybe my sheer lack of recent-by recent I mean the last 4 years- memories urged me to find comfort in memories that once promised new ones. I really […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yG0YgUpPlg
Sometimes I wonder about this. If I were to commit suicide. Is that all people would remember about me? I mean, do you think people would remember me for who I was? Or would all the good things I’ve ever done or ever accomplished be overshadowed by it. Would I just be remembers as that sad and weak person who killed himself?
Have you ever just felt unappreciated? You go above and beyond for everyone and some way some how you’re always lacking something. Nothing you do is good enough, who you are isn’t good enough. It gets lonely at that point and all you want is someone who sees how rare you really are and appreciates it and holds on to you as long as they can because they know for a fact another like you won’t come along.
You begin to feel stuck and don’t know what else to do with yourself. It weighs in heavier and heavier, the depression, the sadness, the emptiness, and […]