I have a good life most would say,a family who cares about me, friends, we’re not rich but we have a good life…and yet, everyday when I go out to live the same routine over and over again, I wish that something bad happens to me, a car accident, a robbery going wrong, being struck by thunder…I don’t know, I don’t want to live anymore, I just…can’t, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I feel so unhappy when everyone says that I should be fine, and at the same time I’m too coward to take out my own life, I keep thinking about […]
The holidays are coming up and I’ve never felt more alone more empty more sad. The memories hurt the most now. I have dreams about it and I wake up with this fresh pain and its torture. It was just a dream right, but it’s also my new reality. It sucks I want to cut myself just make one good slice into my skin reopen the scars to distract from these memories that keep resurfacing. I get that life is better off now than it ever was I get that I was living a painful lie. That doesn’t change that it hurts that my heart […]
A little while ago, someone posted an experience about support (or lack thereof) with depression. I think the poster tried to tell their mom, and the response was something like “think more positively, you don’t have it bad at all,” etc. It occurs to me that other people, myself included, won’t tell family or friends about depression for fear of similar shit. Bottom line is, most people do not understand depression. Even a lot of depressed people are WTFing.
Even a lot of therapists, I’m told, have no idea what the hell to do. When it comes down to it, […]
It’s always the same. In school they force you to work together with your classmates to create a presentation or something. But the word “together” is totally non-sense. Guess who always turned out to do all the work and receive no credit at all for it. The explanation is so simple that I am astonished even teachers don’t understand it: Just take a group with 3 people, grades A B and C+ or whatever. If A wants to retain his good grade he will have to do the work all alone, since neither B nor C- can do the work necessary to receive an A; […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9R371_c-yo
I clicked on this song yesterday while messing around on youtube. When you’re feeling alone this is a good song to listen to.
Do you set yourself a literal “deadline” by which you’ll go through with it if nothing changes?
I’ll give it two more years, till I turn 27. I think it’s a good time. Looking forward to seeing Avengers 3 & Star Wars Ep 7.
I don’t feel sad when I think about suicide lately. It just seems ok, good even. I am not upset anymore… Is that bad?
So ok, something happened tonight.. you might think it’s funny, you may not. I’m unbiased about it for the time being. But i guess..put yourself in this position.
Was just chatting with Internet companions for a few hours and one of them started flirting with me. This all happened with in the course of like 30 minutes…anyways. i chat with these people all the time.. I thought this was a girl, I myself being a guy. I guess I just didn’t notice before but I thought for sure I remember this friend being a girl. I post pictures of myself that people like to see, […]
I thought I was doing good by not saying that as often on public forums. It’s natural to blurt it out every 10 minutes though. Sometimes the feeling creeps up behind me and forces me to shutter my head neck and shoulders, then the words come out.
When I say I hate my life.. it means I hate where my life has come from, where it left me and where I know it will keep leading me. I don’t hate the world even though that comes out sometimes too. I don’t hate people even though there is so much evil out there. I feel I’m […]
I can not escape this feeling. I did what I could today to get away from this. Here I am feeling the exact same way. I feel useless, a bad mother, a bad person. I don’t know what else to do. I called my therapist today to get some meds. He never called me back. He told me to call him. It was a crappy day. Even though I did everything I possibly could to make it a better day. To get my mind off everything. When will this feeling go away for good? I Just can’t feel this way any more. My son deserves […]
I’m so depressed. Shedding some blood on Halloween seems appropriate. I hope at least some of you are. having a good time. You deserve to be happy. Even if only for a moment. Mothers, tell your children not to do as I have done….
This time it was a boxer.
He was enormous , an unfair death, like always.
I just started to love on him, became attached.
But all good things die.
This is life.
I keep thinking about cutting again. I haven’t done it in several years. But something should make me feel better. The surrogate relationship I’m trying to let happen only makes me feel worse. Fucking virgins. I got out of the cherry chasing game a long time ago. Why cant she see that I will destroy her? I never cut for the pain. I have a high pain tolerance so it doesn’t really hurt much. I just like watching the blood. Watching the life trickle out of me. Watching it course down my skin until it drips. Wishing I was selfish enough to let out all […]
Someone kill me please. I want to die. Who would care and know? Oh yes, the people that get things from me, want things from me. Those are the only people who care. The rest don’t give a damn. Why am I here? Struggling and straining to be normal. Fighting to keep my moods up or level? What’s the damn point? Who do I help by existing? No one. Only those who would bleed me out to use me and abuse me. Those are the only souls that surround me. The ones that bound me.
The rest are pretenders. Offenders. Holier than thou. I’m better than […]
Hi,
I’m Velvet. I don’t want to kill myself, but I am thinking about it. I’m thinking about it because part of me hates myself. I have no one who would really give a damn. The people that are close to me, either take advantage of me or abuse or dismiss me. So, I am nothing and nobody to anyone. So, what’s the point?
That’s basically it for now. I’m at the bottom of a huge, big barrel that’s always been there, waiting for me. Waiting to absorb me.
Well, I don’t know if I should stay in bed all day tomorrow and lick my wounds, or if […]
So. Here is my plan. I’d prefer to not be inundated with “we can help!” because nobody can.
I cannot put this into effect until January, unfortunately. But I have done some research, and apparently Kirkland is a good sleeping pill. You can buy them in 96 tablets. I figured that probably isn’t enough, so what you could probably do is, buy a few. Maybe over time, so nobody gets suspicious. Assuming these are water-soluble, make a solution with water and these things. Get into a bathtub. Go under.
And never come up.
Thoughts? Ideas? Criticism? […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !! I hate Reality ! boring Reality !
Real life is boring & LIMITED !! I hate real life ! boring real life !
Real world is boring & LIMITED !! I hate real world ! boring real world !
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, […]
The urge and pain is back. My only way out would be to hang myself (good thing there’s trees around), but im broke right now and I can’t buy the rope. I used to have some, but my parents found it while snooping through my room and they threw it away. I honestly feel like these are my last days on Earth
Sums up how I feel in a short poem I wrote. Not so good at expression any other way.
the love of my life is coming home…. I’m so ecstatic. but should I, or how should I tell him that I slept with four guys since he’s been gone? (I didn’t cheat, we weren’t officially together and weren’t talking at these times) two were one night stands, and the other two were exes…