ok lets try this again. mon at 1040 pm just got off line talking with a three four people on plenty of fish pof i feel as though am doing something wrong talking with three different people and to be honest Michelle i dont know what am doing am 38 I dont know how to be friends with a girl I dont know how to date people my age I fumbe threw confersations becuase i dont even now how to hold a conversation more thatn half of my life is a drunkin druggy blurr thats why i feel so intimadated and lost and thats why […]
Tag:
good
I used to be a STRONG believer in religion and spiritual kinds of things!
However, having grown up and seen,heard and experienced stuff, i eventually found that my faith and belief in JUSTICE and a “god” were slowly tarnished!
I realized that the world always APPLAUDSÂ evil,nasty,malicious,promiscuous,vicious,violent and monstrous people and behaviors!
However, the world surely HATES sweet,innocent,nice,well-mannered,dignified,good-hearted people and behaviors!
I used to think that this “god” i used to believe in was the one IN CONTROL of the world.However, i came to understand that THE DEVIL may actually be the one “calling all the shots”!!
This is why i STOPPED believing in justice,peace,love and fairness! Bad things happen to […]
you go through each day like every other. you don’t smile, you don’t frown. you’re not in deep thought and you not I’m a conversation. your just listening in. you’re not with friends, you’re not alone, you’re just…there. someone hits you. you choose to ignore it. you got a good grade on a test. whoopee. not like it matters. every person that has ever hated you could start to love you. but you wouldn’t notice. every person in your family dies. can you tell? you don’t know where you are. but your not lost. your just wandering. one minute you have a dream. the next […]
i’m probably the worst student ever. this year was going to be my first year in high school, and i was really excited about it. i thought i was going to get straight A’s and make my parents proud. last year, i got good grades, a 3.6 GPA. but i didn’t like it, still. even with a B, for some reason i wanted to go higher. but it’s two days away from the third quarter, and i have three F’s and five missing assignments. this has been happening ever since school started. i hate myself so much because whenever i come home i just go […]
I need to push them away… but I don’t want to at the same time…
by sleepxdeath
written by sleepxdeath
Once again… I feel like pushing people away. Fought with myself a few times recently… I tend to forget, but when I do remember, its hell for me. I am terrified of that same feeling. Having others makes promises that I might actually break it. Just for there best. Just to protect them. I can’t do this anymore. I’m suffering even more. It feels like everything was just a waste of time. Like a pathetic dream that never occurred. But it did happen.
Everything good always dies. And I really despise that feeling.
As hard as i try to get over you, you come back.. Telling me your sorry and getting me to believe your stupid, drunken or sober lies. You get my hopes up and even every time i know they will crash right back down, i still believe you. I try to talk to others, but i cannot get feelings for them, all i want is you. I know i shouldn’t have you. Any who, ever since New Years I feel into a deep depression, i stopped eating, dropped a good 15 pounds, slept more, had absolutely no ambition to do a thing. Cutting came back […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Linkin-Park-Iridescent.mp3So im just writing what has happened in my life so far.
Im Samantha Lee Castellano. I am currently 16. This is the real me here and now. Before i start let me add that i was molested at 5 Â and raped by one of my exs 2 different grade levels i dont remember what grade is when your five and the grades for the other thing is 3 and 5 . Ok now.
I started school a bit late due to my birthday. Once i started it was good till maybe about 1st grade. There was this girl who always bullied me cause well…… i […]
Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of weight due to my depression. 40lbs in 4 months. I not really sure why I don’t eat. It’s not like I’m not hungry. I make a meal, eat half of it, put the rest in the fridge. The next day, I eat like half of the half and put it away. The next day I eat another half of a half of a half. I throw the last 1/8th of the meal out then. I try to force myself to finish, but it feels like I’m going to be sick if I take another bite.
Then I also get the […]
“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your […]
Still fighting. Lets do it together. Make it through some more days. Try, be good people. Lets do it.
Well, where do I start? …
It’s complicated, I don’t even know how the things got this way…
First of all, what is nihilism?.Nihilism (from the latin nihil, nothing) is an ideology, a rational way of thinking and interpreting the cosmic reality.It’s not a belief or anything like that, nihilism is based in scientific evidences and phylosophy.Science has evolved a lot, and it’s evolving even faster lately.The mysteries are but puzzles, but almost all the pieces are now found and placed, allowing us to better understand the universe that surrounds us.Cosmology, biology, quantum physics, showing us how did the universe begin and how it works, […]
“How was your day?”
‘Good.’
“Are you okay?”
‘Yeah.’
“Are you alright?”
‘Yeah.’
“How are you?”
‘Ok. You?’
“Was your day good?”
‘Yeah.’
“How ya doin?”
‘I’m good. You?’
“Your day was okay?”
‘Yeah.’
Why is it still snowing!? I’m in Michigan and I, more than ever, need some sunlight and some relief from the snow… but it just won’t quit. At least give me a good scary thunderstorm to appreciate.
Otherwise… I’m trying Lexapro and it’s taken a month to finally kick in (I think). I only realized it when I noticed I was humming a song at work. I never do that.
You’d think I’d be into the clear but I can’t seem to let my exit bag / tank go. I don’t want to get rid of it. It gives me strength and security to deal with my […]
I’m sorry I try to help others but I’m in the same boat!
I have my frustrations as well 🙁 it isn’t like it used to be ïŒ
The things I enjoyed have lost their luster!
Sex for example, yes I loved sex ok I love it a lot! But it isn’t like it used to be :(ïŒ
The naïve thoughts, the excitement! Have lost the shine, oh I’m not saying I don’t enjoy it :)ïŠ
But I’ve done it so many times this way that way, hell I belong to the mile high club! :)Try doing that today! Ha ha! Well I won’t go […]
I am here for anyone that wants help. I am good at giving advice, and I’ve been so low in the past I strongly considered suicide. If anyone needs help let me know..peace, respect, love
I was born in broken home. My father was an alcoholic. He is clearly a psychopath without having any sense of empathy. While being alcoholic he tried to kill my mother. She born me sometime around that. She compensated her broken marriage with me, she got me emotionally overattached. She made me sexually uncomfortable by talking about sex. She severely abused me.  Once a week she was crying, screaming, shouting at everyone. She was coming to me and saying things I couldn’t even remember. She made me cry and she didn’t stop there, she just kept going and going. She was screaming she was going to […]
It is 11:21 pm where I am. I know we’re all scattered all over the place so we don’t have the same time zones but…
Goodnight to those about to sleep or sleeping. I hope you all have wonderful dreams and if reality is not good, that your dreams take you as far from it. Sleep well too. I hope tomorrow would offer something better for you.
Good day to the others wide awake. I hope you get by your school, work, etc. alright. Be careful and similarly, I hope that today would have something good in store for you.
Those might be lame or annoying but I […]
So I ruined it again….
I was doing so well….
Over a month without one single razor blade piercing my skin and tonight, out of all the nights, I started again.
I really wish this would just end.
I know it helps me feel better, but this is ridiculous.
This wasn’t your average cut either.
I carved a word into my leg…
And now it will most likely scar and be on my body for the rest of my life.
Good one.
I applaud you…NOT!
you are all good people and I really do care about you all. This message may seem un-personnal, but I really mean it.
You all deserve better. Just allow it.