My Life

So im just writing what has happened in my life so far.

Im Samantha Lee Castellano. I am currently 16. This is the real me here and now. Before i start let me add that i was molested at 5  and raped by one of my exs 2 different grade levels i dont remember what grade is when your five and the grades for the other thing is 3 and 5 . Ok now.

I started school a bit late due to my birthday. Once i started it was good till maybe about 1st grade. There was this girl who always bullied me cause well…… i didnt have a dad. Everyone joined in as usual. 2nd grade was the same. Though this time i was getting beat at home it was since i was born thats how its always been but my dad was there but he just died and that when it began again. I was going to school with bruises on my arms and legs. I would just lie and say i fell and stuff. 3rd grade i meant this really mean guy and he started calling me names and would pull my hair alot. It was always like that. I didnt care somewhere when i was in maybe 4th i got seperated from my mom and my two sisters came along with me. (She had disappeared for 4 years and suddenly appeared when we were getting taken away.) About 5th we got to come back but to my grandparent or my dads parents. I started different school and it went just wrong i got the worst thing ever. Bullied again but this time by taller guys and meaner girls. The girls always pushed me and threatened me told me to go die and i was ugly and worthless. The guys called me ugly worthless and fat. Thats when i started to burn my cuts in on my veins. It hurt but i didnt care. Middle school came same but this time i started cutting deep and cutting the names i got called on my arm and my legs. It was horrible i hated it i did make some good kinda friends i guess. I started to do drugs in 6th with pills. High school came……so did the drugs I started with weed and then k2 and then pills. I got sent to step the first time. I came back to school everything was good but i was still cutting deep and just wanted to die. I felt like crap and shit. I dont belong here. 1oth i had drugs with me and got sent to juvy for the first time there they asked me to remove my sweatshirt i said no but it was a requirement. When i took it off the lady had covered her mouth she was suprised and shocked. She searched me really quick and left me in a room with no windows just a bench and toilet. Then a guy came in he said show me your arm so i did. He asked why i did this i just looked down and just said i dont belong. then he just left and came back and said look sweety i knew your dad how do you think he feel. i broke down so bad and went on a rampage. i broke his glasses and my phone. finally when i was done he said here go to this its on top of the stairs so i went. it was a counslers so she asked many questions and i answered. After about 5 hours i was released and sent to step. About a week later the lady came she gave me all my results. I have severe depression adjustment anxiety, suicidal thought, suicide, anxiety , bullemia, anorixa, sleep deprivation,anger issues, and schizophernia. When i got back to school everyone just looked at the same as always but nobody knew. I started to cut again stopped eating and sleeping. My so called friends called me stupid fat and ugly but they were just “playing”. After that i started to hear voices in my head they kept saying they dont care go die theyre just using you kill them not yourself i hated it so i started hitting stuff.  Ive just tried do so many things eventually it got worse. Then i met a girl her name was kat she has bullima anorixa anxiety and suicide also. me and her help each other out we both got better eventually cause we help each other. Then my wonderful x  boyfriend came in hes been so good to me and hes to good for me i know this but still he loves me even with my horrible scars and body. My life started shaping up a bit. But then my really abusive ex came to my school dragged me by my hairs into his car and beat me up so bad that i didnt want to see kat or my bf. When i told my  other now x bf he just went outside and started breaking everything and then he came back with bruised knuckles i was scared when he reached for me i thought he would hit me, but instead he hugged me and then i felt tears thats what hurt me the most he cared he was crying for me . We broke up later cause he cheated. But i met someone better his name is Alex hes the best. Now hes my dream guy i mean it. He loves me for everything even with my problems. Today me and kat are the closest as ever and i love her so much as my family . Me and my bf are currently going to move in when i turn 17. Everything is much better but my problems. I draw,skate,hear music sing, and play video games cause it helps with everything. Today im doing some what good i still cut but not as deep or as worse. Everything changes when you find people who understand you and lucky i found two great awesome people. My family is a bit more open with me now and i love it.

All you have to do is believe and stay strong. Trust me it gets better. Please just stay strong. Anything else just let me know.