I am so hollow inside. I always thought that I am doing something important, something that will make me perfect. but now i am realizing that that was all bullshit, hypocrisy, painting the circumference while inside was all empty. I don’t know when did i became such a hypocrite. maybe i always was. i always wanted to do something big, achieve something great. back then, when it all started, one of my fears was to have a difference between thought and action. and it seems that fear has now come true. and with what magnitude! I tried to be spiritual, i tried to be philosophical, […]
Tag:
Goodness
It´s my birthday and I´m just finding it hard enough not to do something my Family would call damn stupid. It´s a struggle not to slash my wrists with the piece of jagged glass I keep on my Person. Or to jump of the roof. I feel disgusted with my self when I think about poor Kids starving and People dieing because they can´t help it. It feels like I am letting them down when my Troubles seem so small. But at some Point in life I stopped seeing the goodness and Beauty of each day. Sometime, I think I´m going crazy because I hear […]
So..like..what the actual fuck?
I’m not one of the prettiest people on the planet but, seriously, so many people are “in love” with me, I can’t seem to get a grip on it. There’s this boy that I’ve been talking to that says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and, honestly, I’m okay with that because I feel the same way. The thing is: he started out nicely and we got to know each other like friends first, then brother and sister, and now, he wants to go out with me. Woo.
Then, on the other hand, there’s a boy I knew […]
Towards the end when Agent Smith and Neo are battling inside the matrix and it looks like Agent Smith has won the battle, Neo stands up again to him…
Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without […]
Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of these terrible times and I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can’t concentrate. So I’m doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that I’m spoiling your life and without me you could work, and you will, I know. You see, I can’t even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my […]
So recently I got my hands on some prescription medications and here we go again, that much I was tempted to take them and end it all. My outdated concepts came back to lure me. I even set the date in my mind. Thank goodness I decided to do some research first. And what I found immediately cast off all my doubts. Although those are quite potent drugs that do kill in an overdose, but however unsurprisingly, even in good combination it would take as long as 24 hours before death occurs. I certainly don’t have as much time, so I had to bitterly put […]
Tuesday appointment did not live up to my expectations but I now have a direction to work in and so have a plan to get on with things……maybe my expectations were too high , probably, but I have a mini game plan to start with so that is something. better than nothing which is what i had before ….nothing…thank goodness for even the smallest of blessings.
Right now, I am contemplating life. What’s the point? Purpose eludes me. At this moment, I don’t see much point in going forward. My life is mediocre at best. And even if it gets better.. what is “better,” and what is it really worth? Does better mean more money? At this moment, I couldn’t care less about money. Money can’t buy happiness or love. It could buy me a house, but what would I do in it that I don’t already do (eat, sleep, bathe, find ways to entertain myself..). I could go back to school.. to do what? Get a better job to make […]
My whole life has been a battlefield. It’s just I am not like most people I know. Maybe I am way too sensitive for the kind of world I live in. I hate the ethics of how the world works, or possibly the lack of. Anytime I get out of my house I look around me  and think “Why do people choose to be bad?”… Yes, many people are simply bad people or just confused. Maybe if we had the answers to life after death, then maybe the world would work in unison, but obviously we’ll never know until we face death. Now I have […]
Last weekend, I managed to paint myself into a corner. I hadn’t realized that I had run out of Geodon and Cogentin, AND I hadn’t realized that I had no refills left. Okay, no big deal, request refills on-line, they’ll call my psych on Monday, I go get them, no big deal. I just need to get from Friday night to Monday afternoon. I’ve run out of other meds before, and they always take a couple of days before I start feeling any discomfort.
Goddess save me.
I started feeling it Saturday afternoon — tremors, sleepiness, lack of coordination. By the middle of Sunday, I felt like […]
Please everyone who thought about suicide read! I love you all, this is coming from The God in me, or my good spirit.
by tigerlily93
written by tigerlily93
Dear Everyone who feels like committing suicide,
I feel like I have an answer. I can’t guarentee it will work. But you have to try it first ok. Just promise, you’ll try.
Hi everyone,my advice is try to learn God for yourself. In order to know God you first have to know Jesus. Only through Jesus can you be healed. Trust me. It might sound crazy but it’s true.
Trust me, i know. I’m not that religious and allmy life i have been the loner, awkward black girl that no one ever really noticed. almost every guy i ever wanted to love rejected me and […]
hey everyone.
i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.
there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.
the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.
if you’d like to talk about Him or […]
hey everyone.
i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.
there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.
the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.
if you’d like to talk about Him or […]
hey everyone.
i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.
there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.
the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.
if you’d like to talk about Him or […]
hey everyone.
i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.
there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.
the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.
if you’d like to talk about Him or […]
I’ve tried to kill myself so hard! In many times. I just wanna die, but I don’t know how. I mean, I need a plan to execute. Make a plan, I don’t know.. Some times life is a fuck contest of status, or beauty.. I can’t see my life better than.. that. My whole life was a fuck lie, and I have never seen one reason to live. I have never a relationship goodness, I don’t have friends, I mean.. I do, but its not the point. Isn’t my life, I don’t have plan for the future, I aways think in die, or something like that. I […]