I can’t hold the things I feel inside any longer I ditched school so Ican be alone so no one can bother me but it just caused more trouble.. I feel like a burden to my sisters to my brothers to my parents I can’t stay happy Cus when I am the thoughts jut flow back in those negative dark thoughts ..
Tag:
hold
Just how many times have I wanted to cry.
But somehow “it’s not manly to cry”.
And I’ve never really cared about this weird social norm, but now the tears just won’t come.
I am reaching but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I’ll escape now from this world
From the world of my beloved
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go on
My soul cries out in anguish every time I get backstabbed by the one I love most.
Its been over 3 months since the last time I saw the person I am in love with. I have not tried to talk to him or anything. There are days I would give anything to hold him one more time. But I don’t contact him because I know he wont talk to me, things ended pretty bad between us. I just wish there was a way to tell him how much I miss him without talking to him
I should be careful and not come here too often…
I’ve been quite depressed, lacking hope and feeling generally worthless yadda yadda, uninspired to do anything but wallow in self pity.
Being so full of hate that I even learned how to tie a noose.
That made me feel better.
Because although we can all theoretically end it all when we want, it is often quite difficult. Not everyone has handy drugs in the closet. Some will just have to do it the tried and true old school way.
So it’s not always comforting enough to think: well hold on one more day because you can always end it, because […]
Tonight I am sad. Tonight I am lonely. The Demons are screaming and I need you to hold me.
I’m glad we’re friends again, but now you just remind me how much I miss being loved. Maybe I’m not glad we’re friends, Â maybe I hate it but I put up with it because I still get to see your smile and your eyes, even though they’re not for me anymore. Every time we hug I want go hold on forever, and it always tears me apart when we part ways. It pains me to even look at you, but I can’t bare the thought of you forgetting about me. I still don’t understand why
NOTE:Â This really isn’t a good poem but i thought, i’d share anyway
Where are you?
I’m listening for you
closely and carefully, I watched you
I swore, i wouldn’t let you go
even when you insisted to do so
Hours pass on…
i still cannot find you. please come out and play
remember i told you, there is always a way
why do you hide?
is it because I cry?
or is because I know, you always lie?
The world still spins
make it stop
before I give up on my knee’s
and drop
no more running, come out where i can see
please, i beg of you..do not be […]
I’ve just realized I have a pretty big spending problem. It’s like I’m living pay check to pay check. I’m not sure why I’m doing it though.
Probably just buying some comfort for an hour that ends up making me feel like shit after.
I’ve been doing it quite often it seems. What is happening to me? Some sort of impulse behaviour to calm me? Trying to hold onto hope? Something more primal?
I don’t know. But I gotta stop. Bills need to be paid. Though maybe it’s been a hindrance to getting better? Or preventative measures to avoid getting worse.
Why can’t anyone hear me?
Why can’t anyone hear the screams?
Why can’t anyone hear my screams?
You were able to hear them.
You listened.
You shielded me from the pain
You saved me from the cold
You dawned on my world like the sun
But then you set
All suns set.
The stars aren’t bright enough in this black world
The screams are loud
Can you hear them?
They’re breaking a glass wall
A glass cage
The cage can’t hold the demon any longer.
The world will burn in the night
Or
I can plummet into the sea
Before I allow the world to burn.
Perhaps the cold water
Will stop the screams.
My last post suddenly blew up with pointless raging that came out of nowhere, so hopefully this doesn’t happen again here.
Anyway, I was laying here thinking about before when my priest told me that life is a gift after I asked why I would be doomed to hell if I killed myself…and I got to thinking, life is a gift, but if a gift is given to you and it breaks, and no matter how many times you try to fix it, it stays broken. You wouldn’t expect the person to hold on to something so useless would you?
Seriously – if there was something to look forward to that made enduring the pain of bending my hips, back and knees to put my clothes on before work worth enduring but there isn’t.
If I was only just a little comfortable in my own skin so I felt like I deserved to have someone waiting for me at the end of the day to soothe me and hold me again but I don’t.
If I could rest, I mean really rest when I sleep instead of tossing and turning all night long trying to stay one step ahead of the pain and waking to […]
This is for those who chose to “hold my hand” last night. Questions, answers…..we are ALL pilgrims.
This is Pilgrim, sung by Ruthie Henshall, British musical theater star:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JEAln3dBE4
You were that foundation
Never gonna be another one, no.
I followed, so taken
So conditioned I could never let go
Then sorrow, then sickness
Then the shock when you flip it on me
So hollow, so vicious
So afraid I couldn’t let myself see
That I could never be held
Back or up no, I’ll hold myself
Check the rep, yep you know mine well
Forget the rest let them know my hell
There and back yet my soul ain’t sell
Kept respect up,the best they fell,
Let the rest be the tale they tell
She’s the reason I’m alive… My girlfriend. But it feels like the whole world is trying to keep us apart. When I see her smile, I smile. When I kiss her, the whole world disappears. When I’m with her, I’m at peace. But, no matter what my parents think, my friends think, my family thinks. She’s the reason I’m alive. Another girl broke up with me (before this girl) and I really cared about her. We only lasted a month, but I still cared greatly. When we split, I wanted to die. All those suicidal thoughts I had forgotten about for 3 years, came rushing […]
So for awhile now I’ve been trying to hold on, and I know what I need to do is call a suicide hotline, but today right after school I caught myself looking at pill bottles, freaking pill bottles to see if  a side effect was death.
I just don’t know anymore.
Their is this one girl who I like, and she likes me, and we tell everything to each other. She knows about my depression, self harm and suicide attempt and thoughts, but I don’t think I can ever tell her about today.
Feels like the only place I can freely talk about this stuff […]
I’m 34 and my love life can summed up easily; always the friend, never the boyfriend. I have never been a woman’s boyfriend. After a few dates I end up just their friend, or friend with benefits. Yes, in the end I was being used, but I was content with this, content with being unlovable. I was fine on my own.Â
Then it happened, a woman wanted me as a boyfriend! After a couple months in this relationship I had to make a choice, to fall in love or not to fall in love. She kept moving the relationship forward, she seemed into me. So I […]
Broken smiles say a lot
Sometimes they’re not what you thought
They change a person, make them hide
and then one day you may find that smile was the one that died
They made hold secrets people don’t care to know
They may hide feeling that are so low
Sometimes you may wonder why that smile appears
When they’re full of the taste of tears
You may wonder what does it gain
when it’s so full of pain
These are the smile you don’t ignore
Or theyâ€ll be gone forever more
Give the help and love
Don’t give hate or a […]
We listen to objectively vulgar, demeaning, and strange music. The lyrics hold meaning that are not widely accepted by society. To me, and I’m sure plenty of other teenagers, the lyrics hold a different meaning. Those who know serious emotional and psychological struggle see those lyrics as refreshing, and symbolizing an encouragement intended to help deal with the struggle. That’s how I see it, anyways. Opinions are like anuses.My generation astounds me, negatively and positively. They act out particular behaviors that are cliche for a teenager, but these “punks” are still human beings. They have the same brain every other human has; only teenager brain’s […]
i dont know anymore. i thought i could recover. i thought i can hold it in and just keep it to myself. to just keep it in all of it. all of the secrets. all of the lies. all of the masks. but i dont know. i dont know if im close to breaking all together. i dont know if im close to just going. i dont know if im close to jumping. i dont know if im backing away from the edge. i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what personality is which. i dont which smile is which. i dont […]