I want to welcome you to your life. I’ve seen and filled it with my eyes, and it is pure. When you believe in something strong, you can be too sure. And if it’s safe to sleep at night…
I will walk you through your home and set your place. I’m still attracted by your smile, that rests upon your face. You don’t want to rest your lips.. So lets keep them speaking. I hear her speak to me..love
Oh she told me things I’ve set in stone, drove my heart steaks through the ground. I’ve up rooted..all I’ve known.
I know a world […]
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home
I can’t trust anyone, not even myself. This feeling unsettles me and my world is built on quicksand.
I couldn’t even stay home by myself earlier because I know there is danger in the silence. My brain explores every unsavory character flaw I possess. I hate being this way. I can’t help but tongue the wounds and look for new ones.
I don’t want to die. At least I don’t think I do. Maybe I’m wrong. Sometimes I know I need to though. Lately there’s a lot of knowing. Like right now. I stare at my daughter and I know she deserves better than […]
I stopped into a bar the other day for a pint of new castle, on my way home from work of course!
I sat down, not too many folks at the bar..a couple playing pool! Anyways..
I’m sitting there and this (kinda) young dude is sitting there talking it up with the tendie, sounding like he had had a few already. So I’m sitting there just sorta chiming in on conversations going on, sipping my ale… And then me and this young dude get to talking about death and old age.
We both made it plain in our opinions that living past a certain age […]
Suicide.
A word whispered in our home on and off over the past 30 years. I attempted suicide when I was 17 and almost succeeded. I went on to ‘be normal’ with threats of ECT and other drugs. So I tried to act as ‘normal’ as one possibly could with the childhood I had. I watched my mother be beaten to a bloody pulp, moved so many times I lost count, was molested and have never felt like I ‘belonged’. Eventually I started going to church which helped a lot and the panic attacks subsided and I went on to earn a […]
I am not mad but wish I was. So sick of taking shit from people and in the moment I feel so strong and empowered I give them hell. Ha, then a day later I feel awful even if I wasn’t wrong and I have this sick need to try and repair everything at all costs. I wish I could have faith in my abilities and when I make a choice in regards to my self respect that I would honor it. I am all over the damn place with the only constant being thoughts and methods if death. Started as young as I can […]
I’m the oldest of two girls. My little sister was born a colic baby so she required a lot of attention. The attention didn’t stop even after my sister stopped crying constantly. It still goes on to this day.
I remember absolutely loathing my sister. Not just because she was spoiled, but the fact that she was spoiled rotten. Not to mention she was a kiss ass as well.
Growing up, she would wrap up my toys for birthdays and Christmas and give them to friends and family our ages. My parents thought it was cute that she was being so thoughtful. I didn’t think […]
I don’t even know where to begin.
I don’t even know if this website is still active.
I just, there’s some thing weird going on inside me and I don’t know how to explain it.
I’ve been suffering for 6 years, depression and anxiety. PTSD.
I sometimes feel like I’m getting better, but then suddenly… I’m just not.
I don’t want to die, but I feel misplaced here. I find myself crying to go home… but I am home. I’m in my bedroom, but I still cry for home. Home is where the heart is, but where is my heart?
I hope I don’t violate the rules on this website. Please, […]
I don’t think I want this, but what am I saying? I never did.
This isn’t the life I ever wanted to live. I used to have so many hopes and dreams… And now? There’s… Nothing. Just broken remains of the buildings of my hopes and dreams, shattered by those who thought lesser of me, as if their cruel words could never hurt me. But not just them. The family never helped me, if anything, they made it worse. This isn’t where I should be starting though. The suicidal feelings, the depression, everything like that, developed at around the age of 7. […]
Ok, so GW is in fact LL, but the reason for that is not as malevolent as many may seem. I was in the hospital for 1, 5 weeks and after felt somehow weird to start writing you guys again with LL. Felt as I had no energy to start writing and talking again; somehow wanted to forget the former self of mine – the sick one. And I guess I thought I’ll die soon anyways so what’s the point, even though many cared about my well-being and destiny. Very selfish of course, but I’m starting to be mentally very unstable knowing my disease and […]
I’m ready. But I’m not in a rush. It’ll probably be soon, though.
I’ll buy a pack of cigarettes that day. I’ll smoke a few and drink some old bourbon when I get home and set up what I need to. Just like the good old days. When I start to get sleepy, that’s when I can go.
No guilt. No stress. No second thoughts. My way. My terms. My comfort.
WHAT do others do with anger? Thankfully, i live alone, so i at times rant and slam things down. i beat on my arms, i LOVE feeling the pain…it allows my mind to refocus. I sometimes cut, but i prefer the hitting, beating myself….usually my lower arms and when they get too sore the upper arms. sometimes i leave bruises…sometimes it takes a day or so to show up. try to cover them when out in public. Again, at home i am alone. i wish for crazy things…like to drop a cynder block on my head, knock myself out (doubtfully) or get a brain bleed […]
Well this is a long story, but to sum it up, I am truly giving up on life. Trust me the answer isn’t 42, it’s not happiness or sadness. And the dragoon from final fantasy 9 has a dam good point! Being forgotten and alone is worse than death. After all when your dead you know that you no longer know that your hated, and are left with nothing right? Maybe I’ll be in some grave, maybe I’ll be with god. No matter the case be, I’m pretty dam sure I won’t be in the pain I am feeling now. Ok now for my life […]
Every day I come home to being screamed at my family hurting me calling me worthless ect. I was just so tired ive been bullied since 4th grade I am a junior in high school and all the bullying bullshit hurts some people don’t know what bullying can cause to you I have scars all over my body but yet I liked the pain I felt when that raz0r would cut my skin and the blood drip on the floor I ran to my room and I got the razor 1cut,2cuts,3cuts,4cuts I looked down I was in my own puddle of blood I was and […]
I am just tired I am so sorry.
I hate the smell of my own family nowhere is home for me
They tried to make me ok but the damage is done. Interacting with them does not make ne feel warmth or joy or anything at all i feel like i do not have a family. They became strangers. I am a disappointer in every sense but my sister isnt she is small and fragile and beautiful i hope she can be everything i failed to be. Baby you are a fairy abd im past the age of believeing them so trust me you truly are
I had […]
My parents don’t know im suicidal and ive been thinking about it more and more…Today i went out with my bestfriend whom they both trust. We went to a bonfire. Left. He got lost and when we got back to town we grabbed some food but the chef was gone and our food took forever. Basic basically i came home 30 minutes late and they start snapping on me. Talkimg about respect. I seriously hate them, they compare me to my brother who lies to them all the time and does a lot of drugs. But they don’t know that and flip on me for […]
A year ago today I tried an Amitriptyline cocktail. I meant business, i had a few days set aside so nobody would miss or bother me, left extra food for my pets, my notes to everyone, and what to do with all my stuff and things I wanted to donate.
I had all the ingredients and quantities needed because my psychiatrist was treating me like a guinea pig and always sent me home with goodie bags of serious meds to try. I have never been sicker than that time period switching between meds so rapidly I couldn’t function and could barely find my way home at […]
My life is on a steady decline.
I’ve had depression and anxiety all of my life, along with being fairly intelligent with an above-average aptitude for lateral thinking. I could always enthrall myself with studying random areas of science or mathematics for the sheer pleasure of learning, and I followed through with most everything that I was trying to learn. I had motivation and optimism for my future as I progressed through high school as a relatively happy (sort of) and healthy teenager.
Then came the turn. My girlfriend and I went to separate colleges. The long-distance relationship couldn’t last, and she ended it. I ended up […]
A few weeks ago me and my fiance were to pick my mom up for an appointment she had. I opened the door all I saw was her legs and pills everywhere. I ran to her screaming “MOM”. She could speak she threw up all over herself her eyes were red. She looked so hopeless! My fiance got on the phone called an ambulance they came and asked her what she took all she kept saying was ” 5 bottles”, all we saw was Percocets on the floor. After she was brought to the ER and was settled we went back to her place to […]
Hey,
Just had the typical rush of negative thoughts and events of my life come at me. It really makes me quit…and just want to go somewhere peaceful and alone…not my home.
What I wish in life is just me being in this peaceful place in nature by myself…just to think and watch. That would make my life perfect.
Unfortunately, I am in a confined state of mind. All I do is study for classes for undergraduate (pre-med), which I like, but cannot stand the stress.
What do you wish?
Work stresses me, but being home triggers me. I’d rather be at work right now