This is a tale to my end.

Well this is a long story, but to sum it up, I am truly giving up on life. Trust me the answer isn’t 42, it’s not happiness or sadness. And the dragoon from final fantasy 9 has a dam good point! Being forgotten and alone is worse than death. After all when your dead you know that you no longer know that your hated, and are left with nothing right? Maybe I’ll be in some grave, maybe I’ll be with god. No matter the case be, I’m pretty dam sure I won’t be in the pain I am feeling now. Ok now for my life story, and please folks I know some of you are going to get a kick out of this, but this is pretty much my note to the world. Letting everyone know the why, and maybe even the how! So the year is 1989, my little brother is born. Cried so much it drove me insane, but he is my brother. Never the less, here is where my horror begins. In the mid 90’s I start school, mom still works, dad works. We are babysat by our grandmother. My brother is always being spoiled, whatever he wanted he would get. Ideally he is the baby, so why the heck not right. 96 comes around, me and him are trying to cut down a tree in the back yard cause we hate the insects living in the tree. We failed, and he gets rushed off to the hospital from the tree house falling down and cutting him open. Dad beats me for an hr straight and send me to my room. I’m grounded for 2 weeks for causing harm to my brother. Ok I admit that was stupid. But you know what we were both kids and shit happens. He is spoiled for several months getting whatever he wants. I touch his ice cream and I get beat. Later that year we go on a trip to PEI. Take the ferry cause me and my brother want to experience a boat. So it’s a car ferry. Everything that week was ok asides from mom being a b-word wanting to go to all her Anne of green gables and all of us wanting more fun stuff. Back to the ferry, my brother and I ask for a hot chocolate. We get it. Well my brother decides to not sip and and burns himself. I let out a chuckle, and said he will be fine. (Btw I was sick at this time from the waves hitting the boat, me and boats at high seas do not get along) mom looks at me and tells me how much she hates me cause of all of this and that I’m grounded for having put the family thru all the grieve. Following yr, I get my wish, I’m in cadets, my brother gets his wish, 2 new consoles and his own computer. (Why mom, o cause he is suppose to be a better of the two of us ok) this not only upset me but it made me start to think whether or not they even want me. (I should have put this in the beginning, my father I am mostly talking about is really my step dad, while all this is going on, my real father is serving time a use he did some informant work with the police to bring down some biker gang, and cheated his way out of it by being some double o) so having asked this we got ourselves into some money issues. Mom goes on depression things, and dad goes a little crazy. My uncle looks after us. Shortly after things go back to normal. Mom tells my uncle that they don’t want me “the brat” back. Whatever. At this time I’m semi happy, got friends, uncle teaching me how to drive, I’m good. From 98-2000 I keep getting into minor issues with my parents, dishes and such. Well one summer day mom, dad, and my brother go to nanny’s my uncle and his family having money issues is living there to. ( fair size old ww2 housing from late 30’s) I’m still asleep. When I do wake up, note on TV that says “son do dishes, and no outside with friends till we get home please” pfft, fine. I do most the dishes than turn on the TV. There used to be this show called junkyard wars, I’d always watch it when I could. They come home after a bit of me turning it on. They start cussing me out telling me how I’m a bad kid and how they never wanted me. And to finish the dishes. So I said yes mom and dad, and brother sneaks out the door( he is the reason I’m getting yelled at butt I’ll get to that soon) I wash the dishes but didn’t dry them, I said I need to go pee, and start walking for the stairs, dad intercepts me and says no, you will finish them now and than u may pee. He than tackles me to the ground and gets on my back, and goes on about how my brother isn’t allowed around my cousin cause of the things and says and does and blah blah blah. He quite litterly is beating me up. Mom is yelling at me about wishing that she never had me and I am a mistake. He let’s me up, and tells me to go to my room, my face is puffy, and my right shoulder has almost no movement to it at all. I hid a peer of old shoes in my closet (know how they say the will to survive compels us to live, well at this time, it’s the truth cause I felt I had reason to hold a line and survive) I put the shoes on and run out the door. Parents do not pursue. I half walk and run to my grandmothers. When I arrive my uncle is sitting on the coach, talking to nanny, (btw at this time I’m not even 15 yrs old yet) I come thru the back door which was always left unlocked, my uncle was ready to go pick up his girlfriend. He takes one look at me and says o my fucking god and chuckles, your parents just said you just ran away from home and that you beat yourself up. Never the less I layed down on that coach while my uncle did his thing. Supper came around and I was woken up. I remember I didn’t eat much. After supper my aunt (uncles girlfriend) said yeah he needs medical attention cause his wounds could be bad. At the hospital I am treated for several facial injuries and such, and dad, well no one told the police to charge him, they just did. The story gets told to the police and child services and my grandmother takes me under her wing. 2002 my uncle wins over 200k on a lottery ticket, they buy a house out in no mans land and offers me to go with. I asked what options there were for me, and a group home was one of them. So from 2002-2004 I’m living at a group home. Not many issues with me breaking rules but I did get in one school fight. 2004-2005 my dad comes to me and says he is sorry. And that they want to amend things. I said ok, told my nanny, she said good luck and that she hopes for the best this time around. So here I am, last year of school, brother is happy to see again in what has been almost 4 yrs. I get my own room, tv, computer, and phone, I already had a ps2 from when I was living at the home. September comes around, I met this girl, she is only a matter of days younger than me, we hit it off, both like games and such. Thru out the year everything is fine, however around march dad gets caught cheating and loses his job. And mom goes crazy, and I’m like wtf… They blame it on me (I’m hardly even at home) so here comes the family fighting again. It simmers down, my ex seems to be pending more time with my parents even when my brother isn’t around. And 1 month before school ends and our grad is around the corner my girlfriend and I get into a silly fight where we break up. I tried to cut myself but a police officer stops me just as I’m about to… Piss off eh. That’s my first ever attempt and that time I’ll admit I had no real reason to do it. End of the month comes around and my mom says she no longer wants me around and that my ex, remember the one from earlier, yeah well they say she is having my room cause, they always wanted a daughter… So call to my uncle, and they take me back. So now I’m living out there, I go do a tour over seas where I get injured, and while I’m healing filling out an application to work at our airport with my aunt. Everything is ok, I’m having issues living out there cause it’s country land and such. 3 yrs later they feel it’s time for me to move on. My parents want me back for a last chance. To prove that they are parents. I thought to myself no, but I’ll give it a try. 2010, dad gets a job with a French contractor for maintain comms overseas. So he does 8 months on 4 off. Mom goes crazy, brother is doing drugs and breaking laws, won’t try in school, and I’m working full time for a shitty security company. On some night, my brother is brought home by police, mom flips out on him, I need to get up in a matter of hours for work. It’s about 7 am when she decides to flip out in overdrive and drag him out of bed and kick him several times to the point I have to yell that’s enough your gonna hurt him. She says good that’s what he needs. (It has come apparent that she has lost everything, I forgot to add that in 97-98 mom and dad were involved in a car crash, she was driving and it was rush hour traffic. Dad was teaching her how to drive, dad sustained no injuries at all, mom, had a nerve in the back of her neck pierced, the nerve is one that deals with stress and such to the brain, so if pressure get applied to this nerve it causes stress and thus anxiety, something my mother had always suffered from and refuses to get help for.) back to the story, I call the police (yes I know calling the police on your mother, tsk tsk) they arrived in less than 10 minutes, same police that dropped my brother off hours prior. Mom said she was venting, and the cops said that’s ok. They would not hear the whole story. So I leave for work. Now here is where is starts getting bad, dad is cheating on mom again, I’m getting blamed for every little thing that is going on, and it would be a huge list of events that happen in such a short time. But what kicks it was when they told me to leave and that I was no longer they’re son. I leave in a huge fight with my mother, and stayed with a school friend’s uncle for 6 months til we both found a place so his uncle could live his life. We got a 2 bedroom together, I left that shitty company for college security, where I met a lovely lady. We spent 2 and a half yrs together. My roommate (old schoolmate) moved out when me and this girl were together and a cousin on my dad’s side moved in. He was told of the yr lease and everything. Several months later that cousin bails on me with around 2k wowing in rent, and takes several of my games, a console and some other stuff, the money is what killed me thou as it put me and dedt, and effected a relationship that I thought was healthy and strong. That girl, leaves my on my birthday, in the hospital, I had stricken Ill, got a virus in the stomach and my chest and it was doing a toll on me, she tells me as I lay in the hospital with a IV that she is holding in me that it’s over, that she has been seeing someone else that she feels more strongly towards. I am admitted to leave at midnight. I cry myself to sleep, I now noticed that I had no friends, uncle never calls, nannies I have to call. I’m alone. I try 2 times to kill myself, only to be stopped by a park ranger or a police officer. On the third attempt a young girl out of no where’s, starts to talk to me 20 minutes before I’m about to go. She says she is having problems and wants to talk to someone. So we talk, and our talk drags on til the wee hours of the morning. We become more than friends. I feel I have made it back on top. But wait there is a catch 22. She is pretty much half my age! She knows this. She is from another country than mine. So she comes up with this huge plan that we will be different ages for each other and such. I said ok, she goes ahead and I meet her parents and even start calling them mom and dad. Everything is fine. She cheated once on me during her school yr. but now it comes to present day. 20th of June, her last day of school, 32 days til I fly down there to meet everyone and the truth was decided by her best friend to come out. June 23rd noon hr. After talking with police it appears nothing is salvageable, she admitted to the whole thing. Having borrowed money from both grandmothers and everyone knowing each other the story hits them hard. I’m already feeling like shit, not only did I lose another family, a best friend, and a lot of other stuff, my grandmothers threw in the towel and said grandson, u both should have thought this thru before going with it, and it was one big lie. And when I tried to explain, no one would listen. So that’s where I am… No friends, 2 grandmothers that yes sure they can forgive me, and the sorrows of another huge loss. My will to see this thru maybe strong cause I’m what they call a survivor, but deep down inside, I want to quit, in fact, I need to quit. I’ve made some pretty stupid mistakes in my life time, and karma has not only taken it’s toll, but it has killed me in its wake. I don’t just miss her, I miss her family, every waking hour I talked to them and they gave me life. Now I got nothing but the memory of how I screwed up. She was my sister… And no matter how I tried explaining that, no matter how she tried explaining it… It ended with me being the most hated man alive. Well sometime soon I’ll change that too. Everyone has a story folks, and you may look at mine and laugh and say meh I had it harder. But remember I didn’t put everything down… Or it be longer. Yes there is spelling issues, and grammar. But it’s a story, and everyone has a story that can break a true humans heart. This one killed mine.