My father completed suicide a few days ago. Â No one ever saw it coming–he was a religious man, a bachelors in Theology and an ordained minister. Â He was terminally ill and getting worse and worse by the day. Â He did not want to be put into a nursing home or die in a hospital. Â He died at home in his own bed. Â He was only 60 but his quality of life was so poor I don’t blame him for doing it. Â He is so much better off, in no pain now and free from his need of oxygen to live. Â Â I am sorry […]
Tag:
home
You’d suspect temptation to be caused by lust or just plain carnal instincts. In my case my cousin was the lustful desires I had. Yet the true temptation at the moment pegs from Nycolle the first girl I fell for. (Read my earliest posts for my deranged and mentally inadequate child in me) Â Onto the point at hand, I recently created a new facebook, found her on it after finding she blocked me. I found her on snapchat as well and here is where I consider things. Should I really risk messaging her again. It’s been over 5 years, why bother my childhood love? […]
I’m new on here, and I’ve been struggling since seventh grade really, but I’ve gotten much worse over the past few years. I’m currently a senior in high school. I’ve been to different psychologists, and none of them could help me and I just got really pissed off at them so I quit going. (Also financial reasons) But this year everyone has been just on my back every day about how I’m not trying hard enough and how I am just a failure. But I do try so hard to be the strong link. At school I get made fun of for who I […]
Need more friends with wings.
All the angels I know
put concrete in my veins.
I’d always walk home alone.
So I became lifeless
just like my telephone.
There’s nothing to lose.
When no one knows your name.
There’s nothing to gain.
But the days don’t seem to change.
ever played truth or dare
I’d have to check my mirror
To see if I’m still here
My parents had no clue
That I ate all my lunches
Alone in the bathroom
There’s nothing to lose
When no one knows your name
There’s nothing to gain
But the days don’t seem to change
There’s nothing to lose
My notebook will […]
I am in a pretty rough spot here. I’m only 16, but every aspect of my life I’m starting to hate. My family doesn’t hate me but it is apparent my parents don’t have a great opinion of me as I complain a lot. It’s understandable, they have problems too but I don’t know who to turn to. My mom has diabetes and I take care of her most of the time during the day. She lets her sugar level go very low and becomes incoherent sometimes. But she isn’t grateful for it and I pretty much hate her, for many more reasons than one. […]
It’s pretty simple actually. First, you need to buy a plane ticket and travel far far away to an island called Hell. It’s a very mysterious place. In order to survive there you dont need to do a single thing. The bad thing is that you dont gain anything either i guess. You’re just stuck. No one really knows where this place is located or when you’ll get there, but trust me, you will get there eventually. Once you arrive, do NOT rest. Start immediately to search for a way out of there! You will probably meet others there. Some are lying on the ground […]
I had friends who I loved with all my heart. I moved in with 2 of them and my boyfriend. We were our own little family. And now. My boyfriend and one of my friends moved away. I try to keep in touch with my friend who still lives in the same town as me but she never gets back to me. Saying she’s working and then I see snapchats of her with other people.
Am I really horrible that this girl that I considered my family for so long would flake out on me?
I have no friends in my home town and I can’t moved […]
They say it’s a safe haven.That you won’t have to worry. You can always talk to someone. They are so wrong. Because there really is no place to be safe. But this place is the worst. You will be worried for years. Until you leave this place for good. But for now you have to go there each day and then go home scared for the next. People don’t listen here. They take power of your fear. They can completely ruin your life. You can’t escape it. Everyone goes. It’s a life sentence. Here is your hell. Where your life can be destroyed. If I […]
My body is destroying itself. Suicide would only speed up the process that had begun the day I was born.
I have a chronic illness. On a typical day, I wake up feeling as though I haven’t slept, struggle to get ready for work, barely get through work, and have to crash as soon as I get back home, sometimes without so much as eating. If I’m lucky, the pain is at a 5/10 or below. If I’m not so lucky, it’s at at least an 8 and climbing the longer I push myself through a day. Apparently my 8 is a normal person’s 10/10.
Right now […]
i’ve been suicidal for a long time now, and i was gonna kill myself. before i could, my uncle unknowingly stopped me by giving me a dog. at first i was gonna tell him no i couldn’t take care of her. before i could tell him no he told me about her. her name is tricksy she is a little rat terrier mix. she is a rescue i took her from a couple that kept her in a cage for the first year of her life. they beat, neglected and yield at her for nothing. they never took her out of her cage, not even […]
Lately, I’ve been becoming more and more angry about my situation at home(if I could, I would leave it but thats not an alternative due to factors like cops and getting a beatdown) It makes me so furious that I punch the walls in rage and just take out my blade and let it rip into my skin and after a few seconds, that blood flowing out, the release, the peace, the quiet within is an amazing feeling. It’s a temporary relief I know but which makes me think about running the blade down my jugular and taking the escape.
my BPD wont worsen, my temper […]
Hello there,
I am approaching 40 yo and am looking for reasons why to live still. I find it difficult to be with people, and that includes anyone, including my parents with whom I have recently (2months) moved home with.
I have a long simple yet complicated story but will share to see if anyone can relate or perhaps offer any words of wisdom.
The story starts I guess about 12 years ago, when living with someguys, whom after a while I found not being able to contribute to stories etc, so would politely excuse myself from their presence, ie go outside for a smoke, say i’m going to […]
Lately i have been listening to some songs about suicide and i just cant help it anymore.They seem to call my name.I have been down lately and i honestly don’t know why.No-one is picking on me like usually.It was a everyday thing now its just a every other day thing.But i just feel like i don’t belong.I Fell such sadness.The song i listen to now makes me want to cry.But i love it.It talks about how a girl hangs herself.She pretended to be happy.Her mom and dad come home.Her mom finds her,screams,and faints.Then her little sister comes in.Crying she hugs her dad tight.No-one ever even […]
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She was nine when it started.
She was sitting on the floor
Of her grand Dad’s mobile home
Thinkin and thinkin
She looked up and saw fields of grain fly by, and her one thought, her single thought was,
“Open it. Open the door, you could fly too.”
She got up, she jumped up, jumped. Lunged for the door, lunged for the handle.
Her breath shot out of her mouth, and she inhaled deep, deep, deep, until she choked on all the air.
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She […]
Today is a bad day for some reason. Nothing happened. It’s just the depression is really hitting me today. I’m sitting here at work, bored out of my mind, which means my mind wanders, and I just want to go home and sleep. My body is so tired.
I don’t know what to write about. I was thinking about discussing depression. What is it? But I can’t think straight today.
I should go to the grocery store tonight. But I know when I get home I won’t. I’ll put it off for tomorrow. And when I’m lying around home tonight wondering why I have no food […]
So, I found an amazing video with the Cutter’s Lullaby, and on it were some pictures for people like me. My sis made me angry, and I threw my phone at her. She picked it up, and it had frozen on a pic of the word “Disappear . . . ” and a bunch of blades around it and some blood stains. She said “that’s perfect for you. You should disappear and make everyone’s lives better.” So yeah, it’s my home page background. If my parents ask, I can say “(sistername) said it was perfect, so I kept it.” though they won’t find out. they’ll […]
All I can say is I hope I’m home alone tomorrow
I began having severe depression at 12 years old due to achieving an erection everytime I stood up. That lasted for 8 years til I was 20. Depression worsened after 2 years and when I was 14 I started having suicidal thoughts but I kept them to myself. Â I had so many suicidal thoughts over the next decade, it has to total in the 100,000s. Â I dropped out of high school due to having no energy to continue.
I went to college many years later. I had constant suicidal thoughts, every building I saw I saw myself jumping off of. Sometimes with myself set on fire. […]
I’ve been commenting on a lot of you guys’ posts, and I feel like I haven’t really told my story on here. Trigger Warning: Some of the things might trigger self-harmful behavior, so please read with caution…As I begin this, I am sitting on a pile of pillows I’ve been using for a bed, drinking tea, and I’m about to light a smoke.
I grew up in Central California from 1996 (my birthyear) and moved in the summer of 2004. My parents had met when they were twelve, and stayed together until they were in their early twenties. I was about three when, out of the […]