what do i do

i’ve been suicidal for a long time now, and i was gonna kill myself. before i could, my uncle unknowingly stopped me by giving me a dog. at first i was gonna tell him no i couldn’t take care of her. before i could tell him no he told me about her. her name is tricksy she is a little rat terrier mix. she is a rescue i took her from a couple that kept her in a cage for the first year of her life. they beat, neglected and yield at her for nothing. they never took her out of her cage, not even to use the bathroom. she peed and pooped in that cage and had no choose but to turn around and lay in it because they wouldn’t clean it. when i first got her, her feet was stained brown from poo and could see her rib cage. after all that they was gonna bring her to the pound to be put down. i had to take her. i hate to say this but at first i didn’t like her nor did i really want her, at the time i was still gonna kill myself. but she grew on me. right now the only reason why i didn’t kill myself yet is because of her, she been thru hell and i’m trying to give her the life she deserves. i remember every time id come home from work she would be so excited that i was home sometime when i got home i would sit on the ground and and sh would look at me with her little nub for a tail just wagging like crazy, i would say i’m gonna getcha and when i did she would run and literally throw herself into my lap and chest id give her a hug then she’ll jump out my lap and go back where she was look back at me and then i’d say i’m gonna getcha and here she comes running and jumping back into my lap we do that over and over again. but that was a long time ago and tricksy is getting old and i see that. and now the same suicidal thought that i had are back. at first it was small little voices but now the pain and the alone feeling is throughout my body and it wont stop i cant sleep now because i get dreams that just hurt and it wont stop it just wont stop. im almost at my breaking point, and i dont know what to do. what do ido?