am I still here?

I had friends who I loved with all my heart. I moved in with 2 of them and my boyfriend. We were our own little family. And now. My boyfriend and one of my friends moved away. I try to keep in touch with my friend who still lives in the same town as me but she never gets back to me. Saying she’s working and then I see snapchats of her with other people.

Am I really horrible that this girl that I considered my family for so long would flake out on me?

I have no friends in my home town and I can’t moved towards my boyfriend because my car sucks and I have no money of job.

Sometimes I find myself crying in the mall parking lot and visualize turning my steering wheel towards the on coming cars. Maybe I’d end up in the hospital. Maybe my friends would care. Maybe my boyfriend would came and take me away.