I was named after my father, but have always been called by my middle name, Jay. I am the youngest of 3 children born to Walter and Jackie Hale in 1955. I was raised on the road as my father worked for a major construction firm building pipelines all over the country (and world). I have driven through or set foot in all 50 states and have lived in Canada. I was closest to my sister and mother. My brother and I might just as well have been the Hatfields and McCoys. My father and I never really connected. Mom and I were so alike in personality and temperament.
I have always had a deep love for the theater. I was not allowed to study and acquire a degree in theatrical arts after graduating high school in 1973. I never attempted to chase my dream of going to NYC to become a stage actor and director. I managed to do a little of this in my 30’s and 40’s in the semi-professional arenas while living in California, Washington and Arizona. But the regret of never going for my dream has left a huge gap in my life.
At the age of 27, I married, out of loneliness, a woman I did not really love. I was the only father her 2 small children ever knew as their birth father abandoned the family when the kids were 3 and 4 yrs old. I finally had the courage to end the marriage after both kids had graduated. Since then (1997) I have been on my own. I pursued a career, first in retail management and then in travel, working for an airline, managing travel agencies and working for major hotel firms…..I am still alone.
While living and working in NYC, the family asked me to move back home to Oklahoma City to help Mom care for Dad during his final illness. I was with him in the nursing home when he passed…our only real time of connection had been in those final months.
In August 2009 the family genes exploded and I developed severe heart issues which nearly took my life. I returned to work after surgery and 5 months of recuperation from the ordeal. I was only able to last a year. The damage to my heart was too severe and I just couldn’t handle an 8 to 10 hour day of dealing with the traveling public. So, after working for nearly 30 years, it was suddenly over. I was medically retired against my will. I was able to win approval for Social Security Disability on my first try.
I took on the light care of two Franciscan Friars in San Francisco as they dealt with various health issues and came to love Derek and Leo dearly. Then my mother’s dementia began to escalate and the family asked me to move in with Mom to care for her. I did that for 2 years until she passed (at home and with my sister and me at her side) in April, 2013. I cannot express how much I miss her…..I am alone….The stress of caring for Mom has fractured the relationship I once had with my sister…the meds I take for my heart cause depression….she doesn’t get it. She’s one of those “Snap out of it” types, unwilling to accept that I now also have a medical condition called Major Depressive Disorder, in addition to my heart condition……I am alone….do you sense a theme here?
The proverbial misfit in my family and all through school….I identify with the character of Elphaba, the green girl/wicked witch in the Broadway musical Wicked. People are too narrow minded to accept and celebrate diversity. So here I am on this site, a venue to vent, commiserate, reach out in despair or extend an ear, hand or shoulder to others whose painful journey can be so frightening … and then…I have a little glimmering of understanding that I am not, really, alone after all. A prayer of thanksgiving goes up to heaven, for all of you.