I feel that I can’t take it anymore I started getting my affairs in order last night I am writing my letters to the ones I will leave behind. But I stop and wonder why even write them anything I sit alone day after day as if I am the only one here anyways so would it even make a difference or a affect on them if I am no longer. If anything it would probably  relieve them of any burden I cause in their life’s. That’s what I am the burden in this thing called life but I call punishment. I try each day everyday to fight […]
Tag:
hopefully
Nice to meet you. Or really, everyone on Suicide Project. I have been reading several stories for the past few days, and… I love this place. It’s a place where we suicidals can tell what is going on in our dark, lonely, minds. We suffer mentally, really. We are doing so much wrong, but it feels do damn comfortable. Well, this sounds like quite a thing you guys have here. I’m Poison. This world has me going mad; to the extent of cutting my own damned skin! Anyone else really tired and sick of society’s crap? Cause then you are welcomed to be my friend. […]
I’m going to eat 11 nurofen all i have :(.then I will hopefully fall in unconsues .before that I will that my eipen .this messes up the heart and makes blood vessals smaller .with the nurofen whitch says not to take if u have heart problems.i migth as well take some strong alcohol with that .finally when asleep I will hold a bag over my head with my thumb so when I fall asleep so choke to death . So who thinks this will work.i need to be certin cause my mom will notice the stuff gone. if anyone could give me any advice or […]
suicide is not easy, and it is not cowardly. cowards may commit suicide to get out of the trouble, but for the majority its hard, scary and the final option….hopefully painless. I give up.  I am so very tired. Life just isn’t worth fighting for any more. Tired of being a victim. No matter how I fight back I just keep loosing. Keep getting pushed back and down.  I was sexually abused as a child….lots of therapy …..oh, I forgot, I am supposed to be a survivor. the wicked never rest and no rest for the weary.  These bits and pieces may not make too much sense, but wanted to put […]
Just realized I haven’t eaten for almost two days. Hopefully this isn’t something else I need to worry about. I’m already afraid of becoming an alcoholic because I enjoy getting very VERY wasted
so there’s only three more days until i get to do it. i haven’t set everything in place yet, but hopefully i’ll get to do it soon.
i still have a tom of questions. where do we go after this? what will happen to everybody after?.. but i’m tired of hoping that everything will become better, coz it never really does.
i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to cry anymore. i’m just so tired of everything already.
Yup. I’m giving up on the hope that anyone will tell Alexis to knock it the fuck off. No matter how many times I complain, or how many times I blatantly say I want to talk to the store manager about this and file harassment charges, nothing happens. He gets to go around telling people that he has an ex who’s pregnant. Well, guess who the first person people think of when he says “ex”…yup, me. Ok, I want this set straight. I’m a virgin. Never done it. Probably never will. Explain how I get pregnant…other than the God thing, but seeing as I don’t […]
I’m a twenty two year old girl, no I am not a lesbian, nor am I bi-sexual. I am however trapped in the closet. My plastic bag over the head method failed me for the last time. I couldn’t control my body from ripping out of the handcuffs and ripping the bag off of my face. Sheer willpower wasn’t cutting it.
So, I’m trapped in the closet. Its a tiny closet that I’ve locked myself inside and am hoping to pass away in. If I’m lucky I won’t be awakened to my sad life in the morning. If I’m lucky this small, tight limited oxygenated […]
My emotions are like waves, threatening to overtake me at one moment, and then soft, serene..At peace with everything the next..
Experiencing this is incredibly hard and makes me feel crazy, but I don’t know that I’d change it. We who experience depression and the more difficult of strong feelings also have the chance to experience the other side.
It’s hard to read what I write during times of distress. It’s hard reading what you all write during times of distress.
It’s hard knowing that some people don’t know what happiness feels like. It’s hard forgetting what it feels like yourself..
What would help? Maybe it’s something different for […]
i know we have a business empire. and i know that you’re looking to your kids as the future leaders of the business, but i want you to know, before i leave, that there is something much much more important than our business.
although i am very thankful that you have built it up to be what it is, maybe it’s time to look at your kids and really see how they are feeling. personally, i feel nothing but disappointment and neglect. disappointment because i know that i have not yet reached the dreams and expectations you have of me. neglected because rather than really look […]
Having a new kid in the house has been hard. Already had a 2 year old and now a 16 month old…. Its enough to make you feel like you are losing it. Went from working 50+ hours a week to now a strict 36 hours. Working on interviews for a 2nd job. Have been off my medication for 2 weeks now, not because I was trying to quit them but because I’ve simply been too busy and lazy to deal with refilling them. Not sure it was a great idea to avoid getting them refilled but hopefully it doesn’t set me back too far. […]
Sigh. I had some clarity! But now..
I just wrote a long post about my life this past month and why i think i have been having so many jumbled thoughts lately. How absurd life really is and got into whether my life seems confusing because of my racing brain or if my brain is racing because of the events this month.
But of course it all deleted itself before i was done. Grrr. Mushu
Life sometimes, i mean what are the odds? It’s like there is some invisible line on my “life worth chart”..or something. And every time my life value goes above it. […]
okay this got delted so ill write it short and simple bullying. guys making fun of me and saying really mean bullshit. they dont listen to the teacher or me so….. i told them to stfu cause they dont know me or my story or anyone to be making comments like ah im so dumb i just want to blow my brains out like stfu you twat fucker fuck sake man. I told them that isnt funny they laughed. so i got up and punched the ***** in the face like the he is. and his other two friends two i told them that they […]
Finally my baby is with me,
Prep all insurance, covered all form of debts.
Making a awesome home for him
Will spend all my time with him and leave with him.
Screw the Gods or anything resembling them.
It was my work, his effort, our promise that gave us some semblence of life.
Even its short i will live with him and follow him to the next.
Hopefully can be a father to him with a fully working body.
Wow. I almost forgot what it was like to be alone. I forgot how gut-wrenchingly horrifying it is. How it eats you from the inside out. boyfriend hast talked to me in over two weeks. We see each other all the time, and I try to talk to him, but it’s like we don’t know how anymore. I’m not going to be able to keep this up. All of my friends have been getting mad at me because I fuck things up all the time. My best friend though, is still there. She’d never leave…right? My only other actual friend is a guy in my […]
My last post suddenly blew up with pointless raging that came out of nowhere, so hopefully this doesn’t happen again here.
Anyway, I was laying here thinking about before when my priest told me that life is a gift after I asked why I would be doomed to hell if I killed myself…and I got to thinking, life is a gift, but if a gift is given to you and it breaks, and no matter how many times you try to fix it, it stays broken. You wouldn’t expect the person to hold on to something so useless would you?
far out.
the world is an incredible place.
how funny that we can value something like life so much when its so temporary.
i value my life with everything.
i value the history and the future, and the morning and the night, the water and the sun and snow, and the food and the sounds; i value everything that will inevitably end. if your in a relationship and you find out that it will come to a tragic end, you’d get the fuck out, save yourself the heartache right? but thats everything. every person you love you’ll loose; there all just temporary components of the illusion that is your […]
I just wanted to say thanks, for every one who wanted to help me on here. I’m sorry it was all in vain though. I’m not completely set on the idea quite yet, but if you don’t hear from me, it’s because I’ve killed myself. Hopefully tonight. Maybe I’ll take a bath, cut my arms, take every pill in the house, and put a belt really tight around my neck and somehow strangle myself. Think that’ll work?
i don’t think you understand
i don’t think you know
i know you don’t understand
i don’t know if you know
i think you don’t
hopefully not
even though i do want to tell you
but you can’t know
you just
you can’t
im sorry
Ugh, seriously, fuck everyone. After years of not talking to anyone, I finally get to meet my old friends, and they treat me like shit. Fuck them, fuck you. You would probably treat me the same if you met me. Everyone is the same, why can’t everyone be nice like in those fairy tales? Well whatever, I don’t care. I won’t have to worry about that when I’m dead. I’m giving pill overdose another shot, hopefully it actually works this time. Goodbye, I’m dying.