suicide is not easy, and it is not cowardly. cowards may commit suicide to get out of the trouble, but for the majority its hard, scary and the final option….hopefully painless. I give up.  I am so very tired. Life just isn’t worth fighting for any more. Tired of being a victim. No matter how I fight back I just keep loosing. Keep getting pushed back and down.  I was sexually abused as a child….lots of therapy …..oh, I forgot, I am supposed to be a survivor. the wicked never rest and no rest for the weary.  These bits and pieces may not make too much sense, but wanted to put out a last few words. I have considered suicide intermittently  since I was a child. My childhood is many years behind me, but there is no joy to life not even any peace quiet or safety…not even for just a few moments in very many years.
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3 comments
No it isn’t easy (difficult to plan and successfully execute). And I don’t really care about whether people think it is cowardly or not.
I thing impulsive suicide is a waste, especially if someone is temporarily overwhelmed beyond their coping ability. Meds can help with depression, but the long term affects may reduce the brains’s ability to do what it struggles to do in the first place. The right combo though seems to make all the difference for some people.
I do think negative ruminating doesn’t help and we can have habits of jumping to negative conclusions or negatively personalizing things, and those habits can be gradually replaced, but … I don’t things are particularly on an upswing in the world, although I know some grounded folks who think we are going through some kind of birth pangs to facilitate some kind of awakening or ascension. I found this interesting site talking about this stuff (blog on ascendedrelationships?), and it has been an interesting distraction to the doom porn in the news.
I do think we humans are resonators and that negative “energies” can feed off of our suffering. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, and always feel like we come up short, but even when others lives may seem better than ours, there’s always more to the story.
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Sorry for not being able to be more supportive and encouraging. I frequently come here wanting to pour it out, but I end up making lame efforts to encourage.
I’m not going to tell you life is easy though. We live in times that require new strategies for maintaining balance while the old structures are crumbling.
What does winning mean to you?
Re tbd: If I could stop the negative energies from feeding, I would consider that winning. I am tired of the constant fight outside of the everyday struggles. I just cannot do combat any longer.
I know that bad things in life happen … weather, illness, etc. and people make honest mistakes, but people also do things that are not innocent mistakes.
I would consider winning to be no more harm…or how about reduced to just the occasional harm, is that too much to ask for?
I agree that suicide is not easy. I do not think it is cowardly either. I wish it were easier. I have had a few suicide attempts and cant believe what I did to myself and I still lived. Even doctors cant believe I lived. I believe now you really have to plan it and be prepared. not just do it on an impulse. Youve got to research a way to get it done and then get to the point where you really want to do it and make it happen and be sure about it. not just do it in a mania episode or a state of confusion or anxiety.
I wish there were more lethal things available for people to use as a uicide method. I really do. You should be able to send away for a suicide kit with some way to make it happen quick and painlessly. that would be awesome.