i constantly tell people not to hurt themselves or that their beautiful or worth something but yet i tell myself the complete opposite going through so much crap and yet i give hope to people but cant give it to myself. i could tell someone a million reasons why they shouldn’t kill themselves or hurt themselves but when i try and think of even one reason to stay here i cant. why is that?
Honestly, whats the point anymore? i hate life, and life hates me, who gives a damn if i go to hell. im already living in it, i can deal with it. And i wouldnt doubt it being better than my own pathetic life. If anyway i wanna go is going to be overdosing, cuz my mom has a big bottle of sleeping pills, and i could easily kill the whole bottle. Cant do a rope, since i dont know how to tie a noose, and i dont know where i could i put the rope, to hold my fat ass. Cutting too deep, i dont […]
Im screaming
Darkness is consuming me
No one hears my cries
“Your fat”
“Your ugly”
“No one loves you”
“Your a mistake”
I cover my ears
Shut my eyes
Trying to draw away the voice
“No that’s not true!”
I would yell at the voice
“My family, My friends, My boyfriend LOVE ME”
I scream in agony
“Its pity love,
Family are supposed to love you ,
Your friends wear a mask,
You boyfriend doesn’t want to hurt you”
I slowly opened my eyes
I saw a shadowy figure stand before me
Black as night
Embrace me
It whispered
“Shhhhh, im here for you”
I slowly open my eyes and look at it
It kisses me
I feel all my emotions go into that kiss
It looks at me with a satisfied expression
“The contract […]
i cant handle life alone.
i desperately want to die.
i self-harm to feel better and make the pain of being an outcast and all alone.
i wonder why it is ME that cant have friends….obviously, I MUST BE DEFECTIVE…but how do i locate the defect?
i need the pain to STOP….since i’ve tried everything else, i want SUICIDE to take it (all the pain and sh!!t in my life) away….forever…..a permanent solution to an ongoing problem…i see ZER0 hope in this ever changing into something good and worthwhile.
i thought humans were “mentally wired” to be with other people…then WHY does my higher power allow ME to be destitute […]
My family suck. Mostly my mom though. They are full of empty promises and bullshit reasons to hit you or ***** you out for something stupid. Like today for example, I was walking around this glass table outside when my dog, who was with me, freaked out and pushed the table over. My mom gets angry and blame me for the table being broken. She hit me and started saying things that just hurt, especially when it’s coming from FAMILY. She cared more about ten old table that’s about 7 years old then me bleeding and hurt. Like it’s a table. She was talking about […]
I have been suicidal for over 8 years now. At times it gets better but recently it’s been getting worse. I think about it a lot. The only thing that prevents me from doing it is my son. I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep going for him.
Back story:
I was in the military for almost 10 years when I got divorced. At first it was fun then I started to get lonely, I tried to get my ex wife back but she wanted nothing to do with me unless it dealt with […]
“cut my arm as many times as you would cut yours”
words from my sister, i told her that i would never hurt her the way i hurt myself.
I held her as tight as i could as she cried in my wounded arms. She cleaned the blood and bandaged me up and said never to do it again, and continued crying. Every time i think to cut i remember that, but it still doesn’t stop me. I am so messed up, i don’t hate it anymore. I can tolerate it, i can live with it now. Is that weird? Many think so, even my shrink thinks […]
At this point I have been having thoughts of doing this for a week. I just can’t do it anymore. I haven’t been happy. I am so hurt and won’t ever be happy again. I am as low as a person can ever get and just keep getting hurt and cry all the time cuz nothing gets better. I already have all my goodbyes written and goodbye videos. I have my notes in place and I have no emotions anymore. I know how I am going to do this. And right now, it will be done tomorrow.
I know its wrong to want to hurt someone… But why do I feel so strongly about it? Every time I hear SHE’s with the man I love (my ex)…. I want nothing but to rip her eyes out and slice her throat…. I don’t know whats wrong with me…. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone up until now…
I hate life everything about it I can’t honestly tell you something I genuinely like about it. Life hurts me so much that I’m afraid to even live it because I know the pain will come. Im afraid to let anyone in, to love, to trust, to believe. Because I see things negative and I don’t think I can change that, happiness is temporary and pain is forever. I’m afraid that I won’t make it through the next branch of pain so I don’t want to let go of this one. I don’t want to be happy that way I won’t feel the pain of […]
Still angry at myself for going back on my promise of no water. I’m going to probably what’s seemingly rambling but I need to get things off my chest. I got a message asking me about medications. I’ve been doing medications since I was in my early teens and NONE of them have helped they just leave me walking around like a zombie. Its amazing how many people can use the word “unstable” towards someone and not realize how much that word can hurt. Truthfully, YOU never knew of my bi-polar disorder, why? because I”M FUCKING ASHAMED of it. Then people use that word that […]
I am going to visit a therapist tomorrow for the first time. I figure it can’t hurt. But how much information do I share with her. I don’t even know how I would describe my suicidal thoughts to her. It’s just something I feel, not something that can be explained. Has anyone visited a therapist before? Any advise or anyone want to share your experience?
Okay so I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot recently. Actually I was online trying to see what over the counter medicine would be best to overdose with… and then I came upon this site. I figured I might as well talk to you guys on here and see what you think since I can’t talk to anyone that I really know without them wanting to not be around me and trying to avoid me like I have a disease or something. Ok so Im 17, I first tried to kill myself when I was 13 but over dosing on seroquil, obviously it didn’t work […]
he fucking killed me. how does it feel to know that you fucking had enough influence to make somebody else to want to disappear?! i am beyond hurt. i am so heartbroken i can’t keep going. nobody deserves this life.
why am i writing this? why am i writing here. it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. just venting. for what.
we bleed just to know that were alive. you hurt yourslef on the outside trying to kill the monster on the inside. the worst thing about being sad is that your not really sure about what makes you happy anymore. its like i can compose my self when i with people but when im alone i totally just break down… I’ll adimt it, i stress out, i cry, i hide my emotions, i fake a laugh, i hurt but you know what? i’m trying and its not very easy
If I could do it and not hurt her, I think I would be gone. I wish I could do it and her not think it’s her fault. I wish she knew that I did it because I am the worthless one who is trying to save her from anymore pain. She is my sunshine. With out her my world is very dark.
Hey..
Did you know that I cried myself to sleep last night?
Did you know that I sit alone in class?
Did you know that my friends talk behind my back?
Did you know that I fake a smile?
Did you know that I lie when I say I’m alright?
Hey… Hey, mom..
Did you know that thoughts of suicide became an ordinary thing for me?
Did you know that it hurt when you called me fat?
Did you know what I go through at school?
Did you know how much it hurts when I don’t get a higher mark in my tests, and to see the disappointment on everyone’s faces when I fail their […]
im a big big losser , i failed in everything in my life . i failed to get a job even im an engineer , failed to get a driving lisecnce even im 24 years old but i keep fail in the exam. i failed in love and she cheated on me . i failed in my body and i gained 35 lb and lost my hair
how my life can get worse than this ?!?!?!
She picks up the tiny sharp object,
only to put it back down.
She tries to forget, but only reflects,
so much that she wants to drown.
They think she won’t break
but, oh lord, do they not know?
“I need to explain,” her hand shakes,
“My lowly tale of woe.”
Her heart is a drumbeat beating,
the rhythm is slow and steady.
“Why is life so bittersweet?”
She writes and clutches her teddy.
Hurt has left her feeling alone,
everyone else has done the same.
She wished she hadn’t picked up the phone
that cold september day.
“Slut” the phone spoke,
the words piercing her heart.
“*****” her […]
She’s planned to end it when we get back from vacation. When the real world comes back into our relationship. Get back the day before my 18th birthday just a few days away now. Tonight was the first night I thought I could possibly have the courage to do it. I don’t want to hurt her more. I wish I could do it and it not hurt her at all. She’s the light in my life my sunshine. Without her my world is a very dark place. And I don’t like the dark