I’ve not been the greatest lately, and I haven’t paid nearly enough attention to all you wonderful people on this site. I don’t recognize half of your names, makes me feel old. Nonetheless, this site is for the suicidal, and I guess I can be counted among their number. I want to die, hell, not a day goes by that I don’t want to stick a gun in my mouth and paint the walls around me red. Thing is, I can’t do that. There are people out there that would die if I committed suicide, and I can’t let that happen. I don’t give a […]
Tag:
hurt
Lately I’ve been feeling so used that I feel useless, like an object instead of a human being.
I feel like I’ve lost all feelings all together from how people have treated me.
All the disrespect, and just seeing how they don’t give a damn or care about how it affects me.
They don’t care because they don’t know that I have feelings.
They mess with me, hurt me in many ways. But do they even notice or care? No. Why?
Because they think I’m just a god damn voodoo doll.
Ive been getting extremely angry at those around me this past little while, and well, they deserve it most of the time. Stupid fucking irritating as fuck want to bash their skulls in every time they open their mouths. Oh how I wish I could. I never would, it makes me feel better to think about though. Stupid fat drunk ***** thinking she’s in any position to give ME advice.
Goddamn it I just need to get the fuck out of here before I hurt someone, that’s just why I’m going to hurt myself instead
Not sure what to write…..so I am just gonna write. No editing, no revisions.
Didn’t think it possible that it would hurt this bad.
I hung everything on the line, sacrificed it all….and have nothing to show for it….
I guess the one thing I always really wanted was a woman to save me. Save me from myself…..
Now here I am where I started, and in worse shape. I would give everything to go back in time and do it all over again…..to relive the happy moments. To change the way things ended up
But that can’t happen. Life does not work like that….
I […]
Where to start, well, it’s pretty clear that 90% of my turmoil is the result of an abusive marriage I want out of. I’m here of my own accord though, I’ve chosen this sacrifice, this suffering, because reasons.
I’ve also come to realize, in some strange way.. I sought this. In some sickening way, I’m comfortable being depressed. I feel as though, I pursued someone to hurt me, to justify feeling so hurt.
I’ve been on here roughly a week. A common theme I see, is people just wanting someone, anyone. It makes me Stockholm myself, as if taking this beating is better than being alone. Especially […]
I’ve never felt so dead. You cant ever erase what you see or hear, the hurt will stay forever. This world is full of mean people. Therefore, I crash and burn, but sadly I always stand back up. I guess I’ll never learn.
I know how much my family loves me and I would never do anything to hurt them. I cannot escape this world, because loved ones keep me here. My past haunts me and so does the future. College is hard and I feel alone even though I am not. I put on a painted smile because I dont want them to know […]
Do you ever wonder what it feels like to have the cold end of a pistol pushed against the side of your head? Do you ever wonder what it feels like to suffocate inside of a car? Do you ever wonder about the endless feeling one feels while falling toward the end? Do you ever wonder how bright headlights are as they come barreling toward you in the dark? Do you wonder how a rope feels squeezing your neck? Do you ever wonder how horrible it feels to be poisoned beyond intoxication?
Do you ever wonder how that last breath feels? Do you wonder how stiff […]
I’m not saying my life experience was the worst, but at this point I feel there is no point in staying around. Side note:My maternal uncle committed suicide, my paternal grandmother’s sister committed suicide, and my paternal grandfather died from alcoholism related issues. I feel like my family is a family who tries to be perfect, but hides many secrets because it seems like I’m outwardly the only screw up. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve always been terrified of everything. Often had insane temper tantrums. I don’t remember exactly how young I was when I first went to therapy, but I was young.. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Just walked in thinking everyone thinks im shit (which they do). Its better then walkong in all happy, and excited thinking im just going to be nice and maby make some friends. But insted they are just fake to me and talk shit about me behind my back. This way they cant hurt me worse then i hurt myself. ? Is it bad that this makes me calm.
Even if you change, the world won’t. The world will remain the same. The things hurt you before will be there to haunt you and get you when you will be weak.
Yes, it’s true.
I’m Jealous. Very jealous.
I’ve never been more jealous in my life.
And it hurts. And it’s dark.
It’s darker than black hole. Darker than satan’s soul.
I am jealous of the ones who get to die.
The ones who get to leave this place. This awful pace.
The ones who get to sleep soundly forever, unbothered by this evil called life.
I want to die. But I can’t die.
I wish I had no one to disappoint.
No one to hurt.
But there’s too many.
I want to end my pain not pass it on.
So I sit here waiting.
Hoping to […]
I can’t put the knife down.
I need a reason to live. Someone give me a reason to live!!
I love my mother. I love her so much, I don’t ever want to hurt her. My family is the only reason keeping me alive. But right now, I don’t really care about that. I’m too blinded by the pain, I just can’t take it anymore. I want to die so bad.
Cutting has gone this far. The pain doesn’t want to go away anymore. My heart is so heavy.
I saw my therapist yesterday. Surprisingly I opened up to her a lot about the voices (she knows about the other set which aren’t the Angels). The Angels weren’t there, so I wasn’t as nervous as I usually am in my sessions.
She did the number scales with me again. 0-10 on how likely I am to listen to the voices. The first was how likely I am to hurt myself because of them, I said 5 (it’s really a 8 or 9), but she was happy with that. And the other was how likely I am to hurt others because of […]
This song is incredible the remix of this song as she says “you win” made the drop at 1:16 sound sick I am sure you all will love the vibe.
When I hear the drop as she says “you win” it makes me think of those few people who came into my life who hurt me and left scars as I tried and failed to defend myself.
I messed up, everything is gone bad. I tried to fix it, and made it worse. I lied for too long. I’m not going to fix it, I can’t try anymore, it doesn’t work. I just want to go.
Everything hurts, being hurts, and I am going to hurt the people I care about. There’s no way out now, but one. I wish I could tell them how sorry I am.
Tonight is my friends 23rd so were going out to celebrate. I’m excited. Hopefully that will entitle us to some free drinks. lol.
This weeks been rough, but it’s Friday and i couldn’t be any happier. I got a job- which is a good thing, & finished all my work in my classes for the week. So i’ll have a nice smooth weekend.
Another shitty thing that i found out though this week was finding out the reason why this guy i was practically in love with stopped talking to me. He started “Seeing somebody else” . LOL. We were supposed to see a concert tonight that […]
So maybe I’m all screw-y or something,
I’m assuming the majority of you may not be able to relate,
But sitting here alone and dreading the day, I decided why not write this post. I don’t know why I do this, nor do I think I’ll ever know why,
But I always seem to…Cut people out of my life.
I had this best friend, he was so good to me last year, when I was at the lowest point. He made sure I was happy and all, and he calmed me down every night when I felt my anxiety begin to swallow me. But ever since, I’ve always tried […]
An integral part of ‘ building your exoskeleton’ is letting go of all the hurt, pain and sorrow. Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean that you vow to forget the past,because doing such things.may result in the repetition of similar scenarios. The letting go to which I now refer to is the instance of no longer allowing past transgressions to weigh you down. In essence, an individual needs to accept and positively use past horrors as a building block to your new and improved self.
For decades, modern medicine has intentionally introduce strains of ailments to individuals, to allow for the creation of an […]
And I aint going nowhere until I feel it’s time for me to go.
I’m more determined than ever to stick to my plan.
I am filled with so much anger and hatred, it scares me. The things that run through my head scare the shit out of me. I shouldn’t be having these thoughts. I shouldn’t be having all these homicidal thoughts. But, they are all I’m holding onto right now. They are what keeps me sane. My head is all fucked up.
I live with monsters. I can see myself slowly becoming a monster as well. They keep poking. Well, I will finally poke them back.
Poke […]