My life is going as best as it ever have….and yet i want to die even more now. I don’t understand. Why am i always thinking of ways to end it? Why am i always hoping simeone else could carry this pain in their heart? I feel so hurt…but numb to any more hurt. The most painful things are my memories, that play over and over in my head. I think that…?????
I just think that if God were real and loved me he would help me. Help me feel normal..help me control the thought but sadly he doesn’t. Nobody loves me ?
Nobody cares
Tag:
hurt
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
Right?
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
You […]
The boy sat alone in a dark room.
The world around him simply moved on.
The boy saw it happen, but he did not care to stop it
He had become a separate entity.
Something in the outside.
Outside
The outside was dismal, dark, crushing
He only returned there for the sick pleasure the pain gave him
He knew it was dangerous
He knew the risks
From the outside he watched home, and the world continuing without him
He saw it all and was almost content.
Almost.
He saw it, hell, he looked down upon the world he once knew
But the part of him that belonged there.
It longed to be home.
The boy realized his mistake.
He […]
I have felt all day like I needed to cut or do something to make me feel better, the feelings and thoughts are making me feel like I have no where to go and no one to talk to..I keep it bottled up and I keep to myself and now I am trying to make it through the day and all I want to do is hurt myself. I feel like I am pathetic and a looser. I just need someone to talk to… is there anyone out there? or am I just trapped in the dark….
She killed herself… she’s so strong … cause she ended everything all the pain and hurt she feel…
Now what am i to do? Ive had depression and suffered for so long. i’m nearly 50 and w/o all hope. what am i to do? the best i can do is sleep as much as i can to just isolate b/c when i am around others i am always getting hurt. its a pathetic merry-go-round that i can get off of. i can even explain how i fee; and i certainly dont know what to do. sorry i have to exist. just sorry.
I feel dead, physically, being so tired, can barely stay awake, and being in so much pain that I can barely move. I fear losing my jobs even though my bosses of one job work in another location from me now, but I know I’m dozing off all the time. It takes 2 muscle relaxers now to get any effect, and I’ve barely touched them. Remember, I asked for the rx to kill myself initially, but since I’m not just yet, I’ve used them sparingly. My back hurts worse than ever, my legs hurt like hell, my knees hurt like hell, the bottoms of my […]
I loved you with all of my heart. We’ve been apart for two months and you have no idea how much I think of you. Still. Every. Single. Day. The last time we talked, we fought, after trying to be “friends” for a few weeks. It came as a shock to me, because we never fought. But when we occasionally did, I never defended myself. You’re the one person I can’t stand up to. I loved you too much to fight you. But this time I did. This time was different. You told me I wasted months of your life… funny. You didn’t even get […]
I wish I was alone. To have nothing to hold on to. To no longer have a reason to exist. It would be so easy then. To just let the grip my hands have been struggling to hold go. To feel the world’s darkness eat me as a whole. They think it’s a phase, that it’s just something I’ve been going through, that I’ll get over it after a short period of time. They don’t understand. They think I’m doing this to myself for things that don’t matter to them. But they never thought that maybe they’re the reason why I’m struggling to live. Why […]
…how one person can affect your life so much. I pride myself in being a strong person. I always have been. No one’s words have ever hurt me. Except… for one person. He broke my heart, left me with nothing. Called me names. Said I wasted months of his life. I found that he was the one person whom I can’t fight. He’s also the one person that can make me hurt like no one else can. He’s also the only person that can make me feel weak. It’s not healthy to have him in my life. That much I’ve figured out. But I’ve also […]
My story started when I went to high school. Everybody thought it was a fantastic place, well… not for me. It was a fiery pit of nothing. Nobody liked me and I didn’t like anybody, I was a loner. I was constantly bullied but the bullies didn’t realize they were bullying me. To them it was teasing, it’s not teasing when someone’s feelings get hurt. Then again being a teenage girl, it doesn’t take much to hurt my feelings. Anyway, I kept getting “teased” and one day I walked out of my classroom and ran into the girls’ bathroom. Unfortunately I was found by the […]
The boy sat alone in a dark room.
The world around him simply moved on.
The boy saw it happen, but he did not care to stop it
He had become a separate entity.
Something in the outside.
Outside
The outside was dismal, dark, crushing
He only returned there for the sick pleasure the pain gave him
He knew it was dangerous
He knew the risks
From the outside he watched home, and the world continuing without him
He saw it all and was almost content.
Almost.
He saw it, hell, he looked down upon the world he once knew
But the part of him that belonged there.
It longed to be home.
The boy realized his mistake.
He […]
First off, let me say I heard what people say to me about him. I know he is controlling. Unfortunately, it is not in my nature to follow my brain. My heart speaks loud and clear to me. I love him, more than anything in this world. I chose to stay with him. I have given myself up in the process. Deep down I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me, sometimes I don’t even think he knows that he does. My depression is a topic we don’t talk about. He has made it clear that it take more than love for this relationship to […]
So this guy I started talking to and that liked me told me he’s falling in love with his girlfriend again ok so I bet your confused so his girlfriend lives in Louisiana where he used to live but he moved back to his home town I knew him since 5th grade so he’s falling in love with his girlfriend again I feel so stupid for trusting him he was my first kiss but Im not sure if I regret it I told him so much about me how I was depressed and that I cut and he was depressed too and cut I actually […]
There are some things about life that I absolutely love.
There’s hope in my heart that things will get better.
But I know that’s just wishful thinking.
I’m ready to leave this place behind and see what’s waiting for us on the other side.
I’ve hurt so many people that were nothing but good to me, I know this will hurt them more but at least It will be the last time.
I’m scared but excited I don’t know if i’m strong enough to go through it all again.
I’ve over dosed and ended up in hospital twice.
Most recent was two days ago.
I’m […]
“Normal life is not real. We are just cogs in a wheel. We work, we hurt, we search, we feel”
—- Canibus
I’m tired of feeling like this every day. I keep waiting for the right time, that will hurt my family the least. In between birthdays. Far away from home. I wish it was simpler, that I could make my choice and fuck all the consequences. But I have this huge guilt about leaving my friends and family, especially my brothers and my mom.
I have had many failed attempts and this has hurt my family. I want to ensure everything is successful next time. I think obsessively about methods and timing, around 10-30 times a day. I’m on anti depressants but they don’t help. The only […]
Mom, dad. You two have hurt me so much that I can’t feel anything anymore. From a young age, you beat all the emotion out of me, to the point where I can’t even tell if I’m happy or sad anymore. Mom, dad, from this day on, you’re dead to me.
i feel so empty and broken. i dont like seeing so many people so hurt. i try to help but i feel like im doing nothing. i just for once in my life want to be there for someone. im so alone no one trusts me pr accepts me.
This is the first year where I will not have a family to celebrate my birthday with. I’ve received a card in the mail every single year from my parents, respectively, and this year, I won’t get that. I won’t get anything. Not that I need to receive something for my birthday but I’ll be completely alone.
The cuts of the one group of people who are supposed to love me no matter what are deeper than any knife or blade. What am I to do?
I can already feel my soul ripping apart. It’s going to hurt and it’s going to cause me to slip even […]