i haven´t been here for over a year, and i really need to empty my brain, so here´s a bit of the mess that´s going on in my head
i tried to hide it more, so they wouldn´t notice. I guess I got too good at hiding it because now she thinks i´m doing so much better. And maybe I am, but it doesn´t really feel like it. I feel like soon i´ll break; and I don´t know if I can or want to stop it. Today she said, “I think you´re doing much better now. Do you still think you need to see a therapist?”. […]
everyone told me that being positive would help me through my recovery. everyone told me they would stay with me through thick and thin but they lied so now i’m starting to think that maybe they were just talking in their sleep. the problem for being positive is that there is nothing good about me specifically. i’m ugly, fat, and good for nothing. how am i supposed to be positive when these things are just the truth. and every day i wonder how much better death would be than living where no one even fucking cares and there’s not a single good characteristic about me. […]
Whenever people ask me, “Hey man, how are you?” My response is always tired. And this is a true statement because I most likely didn’t get an appropriate amount of sleep last night.
Unfortunately that isn’t because of an inability to sleep, its because I’m just, tired.
I’m tired of having to wake up. Im tired of having to get dressed, I’m tired of going to school, Im tired of getting yelled at, Im tired of crying, Im tired of feeling like I’m not good enough, Im tired of everything.
Im just too tired to want to keep going in this life, in this timeline.
I want someone in […]
Hey.
This is my first entry. I’ve never really been good with describing my pain or how I feel. So, bare with me, okay? I live in Montreal, Canada. My parents aren’t married and they have four kids, myself included. This has a lot to do in my life so it’s important that you note this.
I began to feel depressed when I was ten. My older sister, Veronica, was the main reason to my bullying. She always pushed me around and made me feel like shit. You might say that everyone feels like this at one point, right? Possibly. But what made this worst was that […]
Is it normal… to look in the mirror and not see yourself in the reflection?
Having been so caught up in everyone’s “expectation†of you. To have completely lost yourself trying to be what everyone else wanted you to be?
Every night you dream of this life, you could NEVER have, but every day you long for it.
You have all these hopes… dreams… ideas… that you want to fulfill but just not enough time to do so.
Then you go to sleep… still having yet to achieve anything extraordinary in your life, waking up in the morning realizing your one day closer to […]
I’m not even ridiculously sad anymore, I’m just exhausted with my life. Since I was a kid, there’s been no one even ninety percent genuine with me. My family are judgmental and selfish, and broke up when I was ten. I was constantly underachieving to my father’s standards and was disowned twice in my childhood before this final time, and my mother was more concerned with my (only by a couple years) younger brother. She’d told me she loved him more. I was always a very introverted kid. I loved reading and writing, and didn’t particularly like going out. I didn’t make friends very easily […]
i’m not mad at the world, although anger does, at times, distract me from the pain and emptiness i carry inside…i’m no more misunderstood than most people feel…i’ve survived things most people couldn’t imagine, but i’ve known people who have had it worse…i’ve had cancer 3 times, spent 7 years homeless in a wheelchair, had 32 surgeries and made it theough 14 months of chemo, and can now walk, i work taking care of people who would otherwise end up in nursing homes, i’ve been cancer free for 6 years now…i was on my own at 11 years old, in a city where i had […]
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