this stuff is all so behind me now, im okay.
ive always been pretty fuckin cocky. but i mean with a mind and body like mine i cant fuckin help it i mean cmon haha. I’ve never felt more in charge of my life and myself than I have since the night of the full moon two nights ago. I looked up and let Dyana go. Dyana is my twin spirit. she latched onto me in the womb to save herself out of fear. so i’d naturally been carrying and protecting her my whole goddamn life. Talk about confusing huh. 26 years of being two people in one body. fuckin nuts man. finally shes […]
I cant stop crying right now….. I used to be depressed and i have been clean for the past few months.. Thinking thay the summer would make everything better. It didn’t i started cutting again and had to hide my scars with my ankle bracelet and my mom has seen them and she yelled at me but stopped caring. Nowone cares anymore and im always spending my time alone…… My mom is alwyas telling me that im screwing up all of the time and she always gets mad at everything i do. And i dont think i can wait till senior year to be free […]
I’ve been at my real dads since June 24 and I’m leaving August 3.
My mom has been verbally and mentally abusive for all of my life. She threatens to physically abuse me all the time. She led me to believe that my dad never cared about me and that he cheated on her with my stepmom.
That wasn’t the case nor did my dad ever do that. It’s got worse recently which is why I’m up here with my dad. I would call my stepmom everyday crying. My dad found out what she recently has done ( she was making others and friends believe I’m psychotic […]
fukk me you beautiful ***** — my darkness
i hate the organization im working for. i hate giving away my money to these fuckin organizations that cant be trusted. why i would i want to do that and get other people to do it. these organizations swindle so many people out of cash and there are so many looking for hand outs. its fucking annoying. its so true like we should take care of our […]
homelessness, chronic unemployment,prison, death, or living with abusive family. bad health (that can be fixed), and a bad life. all because im on only child, im poor, and i spent years in college instead of a job. i had so much to offer the world. doesnt mater anymore, now all that matters is whether there is an afterlife or not. i accept my fate (though i still am fighting for a decent job). oh yes, most black men end up dead or in prison. why do you think that is? i didnt beat the odds. i accept my fate. i hope the afterlife is painless.
I dont honestly know why im writing here for everyone to see, its not the kind of person i am to seek attention from anyone and that’s not really my intent. Ive had depression for majority of my life id say ever since high school with 3 attempts on my life however since then ive for the most part repressed as much as i could. I think im writing this literally to scream out my thoughts and how im feeling in the moment now and its just this overwhelming sense of helplessness and failure.
The Irony of this post is that i ‘should’ be okay, ive […]
Sometimes I always go into deep thought about my life. Sometimes I feel like i have good days. But then at night i just think. Like, why should i live if i know people dont want me around? Why should i have to live, constantly feeling like people hate me for no reason? Why should I live, knowing there’s no reason to? My mom doesn’t know that i feel this way. But if i try telling her she’ll say im stupid . My guess is that she just doesn’t want to believe that i could feel this way.
My mom is a nurse and she […]
im tired of life. I don’t see myself as old. im alone at this young age, I cant imagine being old and lonely. im tired. I know I have to work but its hard on my own. I have no friends who really understand me. I don’t know how to continue.im stuck..
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me
I’m a hazard to myself
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
my mind isnt racing, and it feels nice. i think alot of my problems are indeed mental illness. im working on taking my meds consistently, and also getting my health issues worked on also. But i realize that my mood swings, racing mind, and all that is a part of mental illness that i refused to acknowledged. I chose to hopefully be a high functioning bipolar person (and keep working on my health issues). i hope this mood stays. it is such a relief. (i still miss my libido though).
Sometimes i wanted to end up this socalled life, sometimes im so scared about death, about the hell we sorta know less about.
and every night, like EVERY NIGHT, when i think about loads of worries, and all those problems of the years ive been thru i feel like shit, i dont know but i think its the uncertainty, which scares most humans, i dont know what am i doing tomorrow, my hearts pounding so loud, yet sorry not fast, thats the point which scared me like hell, i thought id die every single night, freaking creepy and i wont even kno im dead the other […]
my life matters. to my girlfriend and her son anyway. i am fighting for them. also, im scared of death. doctors might be able to help me one day. i will keep looking for a job, and not end it all just yet. maybe never.
Hi im an introvert and i dont like people. im blunt and not very compassionate especially towards myself. I dont like myself and I dont know why. Ive cut before and have hurt others who dont understand what it is like to be me. I do care but i act like i dont. I feel alone even though i know i have people who love me. I dont know if others feel this way. Theres a lot of things that have hapend throughout my life people dont seem to understand. They think its a phase or just a way of acting out. Im talking to […]
suicidal thoughts consume me…..
i feel like everyone hates me, nobody likes me…. whats wrong with me….
my lab partner decided to switch partners without even telling me – yes cause she doesnt like me…
everybody at work hates me……. im not even doing anything.
and now at home, he hates me.
what if im dead instead, ill be gone. for sure they’ll be hurt, shocked, and probably will move one eventually. but i will get my peace… forgive me Lord, you know whats in my head or what im feeling
i have nobody to talk to. even my managers wont talk to me. theyre useless. you cant even voice […]
i cant understand people and i will never do . i cant hurt anyone but myself even though everyone tries to hurt me. i just dont wanna exist anymore. people telling lies all around me . others dont believe in me. im a that normal or they are just too blinded. i have gone insane, im telling them that, nobody gives a shit. I cant even write this post without thinking about diffrent topics in the same time. i just feel that nothing else, no one else matters. still looking for that one reason for me to stay alive , and still havent found it. my […]
Unfortunately still alive. Yesterday one of my best friends from high school basically said she was going to kill herself. Seemingly she has it all. Born into money, comfortable, normal life that I’ll never have. She wouldn’t answer as to why.
And after all the pain, I still find myself loving the guy I fell for May 1st, the day we met. I know he’ll never give me a chance. He’s so stuck on looks and ‘proving himself’ to the world. I wish he could see it from a different perspective. One where he could realize he has someone who has given him so much, would […]
so i am thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend of 10 years to focus on finding a good job with my education. She is all i had. trust me i wont find someone else to love me. just trust me (just trust me). I am focused on finding a good job soon, or im ending my life. Its that simple. if i find a job, i will contact her. she is not focused on a job, and it is hurting me to stay with her right now. im totally alone. i want to live, so im giving myself 2 years to find a good […]
its like i feel like screaming and crying and destroying everything but at the same time i just want to curl up and die silently and i want everyone to see me and care but i want to be alone and have no one even know i exist. its confusing and scary and i cant tell ANYONE my dad couldnt care less about anything to do with me and my friends dont need the added stress
Ever since this early year, i have this goal to inspire people and be inspired. I want to help people as many as i can, because i know how it feels like to be helpless. I want to emphatise for them, and it is also strangely a way for me to cope with my problems.
I found this website and i thought, hey this is perfect for me, i can safely tell my insecurities and what a major fucked up i am, and i can support people although they may not notice.
I want to inspire people and clearly that goal has not been reached yet, afterall […]