I don’t want to live another day like this. And after that there will be another one, and so on. I can’t stand it.
I constantly think about overdose, but apparently is nearly impossible.
Why doesn’t my heart just stop.
Tag:
impossible
… too Scared of life, to carry on,
… too Useless for everyone, they all want me gone,
…too Impossible to love, too impossible to care,
… too Confused in this broken land, for me there’s no one there,
… too Invisible for everyone, they think I’m bore,
… too Damaged at heart which they tore,
… too Emotional, I can’t live anymore…
Someone very brave once said, “I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out.” This someone was Anne Frank. She held an optimism for a greater world despite her own situation. Carry her optimism with you. When you are faced with an obstacle that seems impossible to overcome, know inside yourself that you can. It’s been done over and over by people; they had the ability to never give up on themselves. You have that ability.
Everyone has the same attribute of being unique in a different way, that includes you. There is no one […]
I don’t even know if I like being alone or not. Sometimes I want a friend, but other times I remember how impossible that is for me. Maybe I just want someone to talk to. That’s probably why I’m posting on this site, anyway. I don’t like feeling alone. I know that much about myself. I kind of feel like I’m walking on my own plane of existence, and nobody else can even see me. Like my world and the world everyone else lives in overlaps like a one-way mirror. I can see everyone else and know they’re there, but they can’t do that for me.
Whatever, […]
Three times. Three failures. Twice. I will explain.
This is not only the third time I have raised a loaded gun to my head. It is also the third time in the last 3 weeks that I was ready only to back out.
First things first.
The first time, back in June 2012, it was purely impulsive. No plan, no thinking. I was faced with an impossible choice. Either give her up or give up everything else. This will be the common theme in my suicidal journey. Someone trying to take her away from me. Obviously I chose her.
The second time, January of this […]
As I’m near the end for the third time in 2 1/2 weeks, my main wish is for success. I have read the statistics on suicide attempts over and over. I know the dangers of a failed attempt.
So my realistic, rational wish is to be able to do it right and not leave myself in even worse shape than I’m now. Because as much pain as I’m in now, it would be worse if I fail.
But regardless of that wish, I still have another wish that is not realistic. It’s actually quite irrational, as it is not possible and would never happen.
Those that have read […]
There’s no point. Go inpatient, I fail a course capstone project. Go inpatient, I am still nothing when I get out. Stay out, I will find a way. I will make the impossible possible. I do not want anymore pain and loneliness. Stop trying to save me to make yourselves feel good. You’re making me miserable.
I cannot put my pain into words. I can’t cry. I deal with it alone all day and late into the night. There used to be catharsis putting it into words. Not anymore. The only relief left is to die. I don’t want to die, especially not alone and painfully. But it is a choice between that, and enduring pain that I no longer have the strength to face. I have no hope, no dignity, no fight left.
Words, words, words. The counterfeit of action. More contemptible than the suicidal gesture done to illicit sympathy. I am doing the exact same thing, yet without having to […]
I´m going to have to have dialysis again, I´m being accused of a crime I didn´t comit, impossible to find a good woman. Just can´t stand my life and it failures and people keep asking me for money in the street. I´m so angry with everything…
Im not crazy , just alone, need employment, cant get out of house, lost my last job 2 months ago hitting on a girl, which i would never do ever but wasnt thinking clearly from the kratom. Im about 400 pounds and i feel lazy and lethargic alot. I worked at 711 for about a year, hard to keep up but i tried reallh hard. Then i got a job as a security officer. im a nice guy, why did i have to hit on that woman, i should of not did it, noe i have 14 dollars living with my brother, ive messed up […]
Well this is something new for me. I have never posted anything like this before. Im not sure why. My life doesnt seem terrible by any means compared to some of the things Ive red on this website. I have a supportive family, friends who care about me very much. I am an educated individual who served in the military and holds a good job now. Then why may I ask do I struggle every single day with ending my life? The last 4 months have been a 180 degree change. I lost the love of my life through my own faults and coming to […]
so I’m here to try and tell my story because someone said I should try… Well I not to sure where to start but all I know is that everyday is a challenge for me every since I was 9. Is it normal for a child to feel so much hurt and despair? Well I’m sure some might say no because its not normal because there must be something going on. I grew into my teens feeling the same I have thought so many times that I should end it maybe that will make things better. I don’t want not at all but its crossed […]
i am more then a year very suicidal,im just suffer,empty.
i have a good life,hobbies,good friends ,im not rich but i can get want i want,good grades in school (high school) and have a weekly routine.
i read all the advice and nothing works for me (except a psychologist that i havent tried).
i promised to my girlfriend to not do it but it feels impossible, i start to realy lose myeslf.
what to do?
sory for my shitty english grammer .
Once upon a time, two emotionally dysfunctional people brought an Imp into this world. Kids weren’t really dad’s thing, and mom wasn’t at all certain about the care and feeding of an impossible girl. Maybe Imp was destined to crash from the start. She learned how to talk, and then she stopped. Just stopped. Wouldn’t even talk to her mother, and she was a total mama’s girl. When she got to preschool, she was behind other kids because of the whole not speaking thing. But she also just didn’t really fit in. Playing house seemed pointless. […]
So off track, I don’t know how to get back.
I know what is awaiting me.
I’ve done it all before – an impossible task.
I am so alone, yet I have no motivation to open up.
The journey has to end – I can’t live this way.
There are some things I just cannot accept.
I had a whole year to self destruct, and that, I did.
It really is the only way I know how to cope- I don’t have anything else.
I’ve done so much damage to myself.
I walk in silence, barely resembling the person I once was: full of spirit.
I wake every morning needing to die again.
I sometimes have nightmares.
I shouldn’t fight […]
I have a job as a seasonal tax preparer. It’s not great, but it’s a step into the accounting field. I’ve started this semester with an unprecedented 3.86 GPA. I’ve never had higher than maybe a 3.20 in my almost 34 years of life before this.
And I’m empty. Broken. There’s a highly specifically shaped hole in my heart and in my life. A life that is falling apart around the edges. The check I postdated to pay for one textbook will bounce. I can’t pay for the other at all. There is no more help from […]
I wan to die; to sleep forever. But, I so desperately want to love life, to be happy. But it seems impossible.
Headphones are on — check, looking down and not ahead — check, dark clothing that hides your inner soul — check.
Removed from the past, neglecting the present, dreading the future – I’m moving, moving swiftly enough as to avoid everyone and everything. The Volume in my headphones are high enough to block the pollution of the outside world; my vision is fixed diagonally, avoiding eye contact and collision; the black jeans, Navy-blue t-shirt and black raincoat combine to render me invincible, in a city of dark clouds and buildings that block-out the sun. I’m moving swiftly, swiftly at twice the speed of any city- human. […]
In solitude, steadily moving towards what is not mine: a sense of tranquility. An artificial sense of gratitude steeps through the thought of tranquility, tranquility becomes a symbol of your demise. The feeling of gratitude to what is not wanted: it’s betrayal, that betrayal is present in the tranquility: the tranquility of the – ordinary! The ordinary is a distinction of your-self from the rest, they’re ordinary, you’re authentic. The meaningless feeling of tranquility they enjoy, cannot be a result of emptiness filled with the necessary elements that gratitude feeds on to manifest. Why you want that tranquility, you just can’t figure. In the end, that […]
There’s no doubts that now you’re not longer mine, You never were but I swear that what you gave me, made me feel like it was real; that I wasn’t dreaming. It hurts but it’s done. It’s so fucking hard to understand, but not impossible to knew that this was going to happen.
And just remember that besides you’re with someone else, and even that I know that the fucking time will pass, I will never ever forget you, besides everything I’ll love you. I love you.
To whom you decided to love, I don’t really know if she’s aware of the blessing that she […]