Perhaps it was the ghostly feel of it all as I walked the streets. Perhaps it was the guy who had the sign “help I’ve disappeared”. I looked in the mirror once again. The traffic, the people, the buildings all belonged in a different dimension. I was in a dream, I was in a nightmare, I was in my life. Hello, I said but was ignored. Don’t they know I’m here, scream, you must scream. Scurry, scurry, they can’t feel you but you want their attention. Couples walk hand and hand, a man smokes a joint, another person screams at everyone and everything – she […]
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it all
Sometimes i feel it would be just so much easier to give in to temptation… to let the blade make me forget everything i worry about. Every now and then i wonder why i put myself through all this grief and stress when i could make it all go away and never have to worry about a single thing ever again… bad late night thoughts that haunt me.
Yes, we ask it all the time. But, do we even want to listen the answer?
I’ve been wondering if someone would notice how down I am and ask me if I’m ok… and then just sit and really listen.
But then I realized I don’t remember the last time I was sincerely interested in how someone was doing.
So, why should I expect from others what I’m not able to give?
When I write in English, it looks funny to me, with all those capital “I” around. It’s kind of symptomatic.
I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time. I’ve started seeing a new therapist and though I can’t tell him everything he’s really been helping me. For the past three days I’ve felt happier and calmer than I have in a long time despite all the crap. I really want to rekindle my relationship with my (ex)boyfriend. He’s been dealing with a lot and I kept my distance because he doesn’t need to deal with me on top of it all. I’m waiting until I’m better to try and be with him again. We were perfect together until the old feelings came […]
Will it ever end? Will it ever stop? I have so many questions and no answers for any of them. I have no idea what anyone else reality is but i can tell you for sure that mine is shit. I have absolutely nothing to stand on, no foundation or stable ground that I can always rely upon for safety or otherwise. Does anyone know what i am talking about?
I seem to chase away everyone that I love because I am so tired of hurting them all of the time. Every emotion that I have comes across as angry, even when I am hurt […]
I think about it all the time……killing myself. I’m in a abusive, manipulated, horrible relationship. I am 31 and female. My common law husband is 43, so we are many years apart. He is horrible to me. He plays mind games with me all the time, manipulates every situation that he can with me. He makes me feel horrible about myself and he thinks he is better than anyone.
Because of all this I want to kill myself. I just can’t take this pain anymore. I can’t leave cuz I do love him, but at the same time I can’t take his shit. I feel like […]
I just want to pack a bag and walk. I want to see the world.
I don’t want to die without seeing it all.
I might just do that.
I’m so sad. I can’t help but let it all spill out. why am I so depressed? why can’t I stop being sad? why can’t it just leave and never return? why can’t i crack a real smile? why can’t people stop talking about me and my life and the mistakes I’ve made and move on? why can’t I be left alone. why can’t I stop crying. please help
by unknowng_
written by unknowng_
Title says it all, I wonder what like minded people’s favourite quote is? It can be from a book, tv, film, radio etc…
Mine’s, “”I know myself” he cried “But that is all-“” said by Amory Blaine in the end of This Side of Paradise by Fitzgerald.
I thought I was okay today. But the darkness brings bad memories. I can still feel their hands all over me. I feel like I can’t breathe and the voice inside my head is telling me I shouldn’t be.
Just please someone tell me how to make it all stop. How do I not feel them all over me? How do I push away the voice? How do I learn to not fear the darkness?
I swear I want to live. But I can’t live if I am going to be this mess forever………
Can anybody tell me something the makes me feel like there is still hope?!
Just […]
Does anyone else have conversations with people who are long gone?
I mean, I’m doing it all the time now. I’m not even thinking up the other side of the conversation in my head, it just comes out, reply after reply after reply to ghosts. To an outsider listening to me, they’d assume I was just on the phone.
I’ve had different variations of the last fight I ever had with him. Versions where I was on the defensive, versions where I attacked… Why did I have to stay silent when it really mattered?
If I’d spoken up when you asked me to leave and not come back, […]
My life story is crazy. There aren’t enough paragraphs to explain it all and I dont want to bore you with all of the details. I can tell you that Ive had two different therapists tell me that I needed to write a book because no one would believe all of it. The very short jist is a rough childhood, abuse, lots of anxiety and fear, bad relationships and much much more resulting in ptsd, depression and anxiety. I tried my damndest to overcome what I could and try to make a life for myself. I had a great job, great relationship, great income and […]
Starting over.. I’ve done it again… I was doing so good but it’s back to this.. When will it end?! I try so hard to understand it all but I can’t.. Nothing makes sense.. Questions forever left with no answers ..
I yearned for death as a child and adolescent. I hurt myself relentlessly, but could never muster up the courage to actually end it. I’ve escaped the life that was forced on me, the people who hurt me, the person that I was because of it all, but I still find myself anxious for death. I will be driving and have to fight the impulse to let go of the wheel or to jerk it in the direction of oncoming traffic. I will allow myself to close my eyes when I am tired and attempt to fall asleep while I’m still driving. I will imagine […]
I can’t even manage to think life is this hard I just wanna stop life and just go but I know there are to many people who would be affected but it’s all the time I’m having to make other people happy when I have to wear a mask of happiness so they can be happy they never seem to think about what I want whether I’m happy or not I can’t be bothered with this life anymore
I’ve always had mental health problems since I first started school. History of substance abuse and violence at home. Being bullied at school and in social settings. I became a loner and have little time for people in real world including my family who I never see now. I’m just sick of the superficial nature of our society and its obsession with money, power, status, image. It makes me sick…quite literally.
I don’t consider myself to be anti-social but that would certainly be a diagnosis of doctors if answering a questionaire. No doubt the solution to my disorder would be a high dose of petrochemical based […]
26 years working for the same company…boss half my age, 21 year old daughter sick in a wheelchair all her life, me and wife are 24/7 caregivers. I dont want to anymore. nothing is fun nothing is worthit. Cant even get disab insurance to believe Im not well so i wasted 3 weeks off no pay and will probably be stuck going back to work in a few days. fuck it. 26 ativan in a bottle in the bathroom. Only reserve i have is that its not enough. I dont want to end up on a machine. Never though I was a bad person but […]
When you get to the point where there is no relief, and all your brain does is torture you, it is time to get the fuck off this hell hole. PTSD I would not wish on my worst enemy nor the constant anxiety and dark bad thoughts. The sexual abuse of children is a societal evil society denies. I cast God into the tormenting hell he put me in, and lock the door on his sadism. God doesn’t give a fuck about me. I cast out my father’s evil voice and these GD demons, b/c they are no better than God. They are worse, but […]
Hi,
I have been dealing with depression since 8th grade. Ive been in college since 2008 working to get a bachelor’s. I’ve withdrawn from 9 semesters (8 for depression and 1 for another health-related matter). I am trying to becone an actuary currently. I cannot seem to catch a break.
I have tried many medications, ECT, and therapy. The newest medixation, Brintellix was working fine. However, in my third week of the semester, my depression just came back. I missed class 3/4 days last week. Every day I worked myself out of feeling bad, ending each day on a high. Still, I would wake up in […]
I’m so sorry mom, I betrayed you numerous times. But this time, I am deeply sorry. Besides all the medicine, I really don’t know why I’m so fucked up .. I lied about that vape pen . It is mine . I lied about the wine. I did drink it all . Do I regret it ? YES . Would I take it all back ? YES . Sometimes I think of why I’m still living . You yell at me and tell me to pack my things and move to my dads . Well you know I wont . You know I hate my […]