There’s nothing worse than hell temporal eternum
The spells that surrounds me
Words that I speak
I wonder one day, when I look up to the sky
Sad and sadness, doesn’t exist
Words lost, sunk into the bottom of the ocean
The bide, who am I
To be lone, what is it
Come with me if you have nobody
I will take you, I will save
Forever, no matter who you are
God, Where are you, of all I need you
A final, what does it all mean
Can such be, for me
D_Binary
Damn, the high-end sound
And a deepest under
Severely developed
To my comrades, I lost it all
I am the Elephant-Whale
Defected nature has failed
Is it a game, it will continue
Flora and Fauna, run away
But so that I can come back
Can you fathom for me please
I am the backward and you the Sacred Clown
What can be done for the binary
Only with you does my story begin
Aquarius, the victim, what can
Rotting celebacy to replenish
Where are you, magic enchantress
Take me to […]
It’s just bullshit, after bullshit. I can’t even keep track. People say just do what makes you happy and that’s a big fat nothing. Nothing makes me happy and if something did we wouldn’t be having this conversation now would we? Didn’t think so, now fuck off. Every time I feel accomplished and proud of something I watch someone else do it better and I feel like shit all over again. Piano: I’m good, someone else is great. Singing: I’m good, someone else is great. Acting: I’m good, someone else is great. Being nice: I’m good, someone else is great. Grades: Mine are good, someone […]
It’s funny, despite it all, I’ve never felt this at ease before.
Whether its true acceptance, or an effect of events just causing an emotional overload and subsequent shutdown, numbing, and carefree state, I don’t know. Either way it doesn’t really matter.
How I survived the other times still confuses me, seems so simple, how could one screw up something like that, multiple times even, so strange.
An old friend once said to me years ago, “you know they say practice makes perfect”, sorta to lighten up the whole feeling of “how pathetic and useless am I to be able to fuck up something that easy”.
Might […]
I met a boy. He asked me out. And I was excited. Until I remembered.
I come from a different world than him. I come from a world that preys on the innocent and the ignorant and rots them from the inside out. I come from a world that takes pleasure in pain, in blood, in tears. My world is the worst kind of war, the worst kind of pain, the worst kind of silence.
And I have a responsibility to never let him into that world. I cannot introduce another innocent, beautiful soul into this darkness. I cannot let the pain take away his laugh and […]
whats the point in faking a smile every single day and not being my true self why is it that people just judge you by the scars on you and not even your friends are able to look at your body because they are ashamed to be around you becasue of how ugly you are with these scars yes indeed they make you who you are but why is it people feel the need to fucking judge like its their bussiness
I don’t know if anyone else experiences this or is it just me. But sometimes there are some grief and emotions that I don’t deal with right away and they just sit around waiting patiently, giving me enough space to function normally for a while. Sometimes they pile up so high I can’t image ever dealing with them. But then one day when you least expect it, it all comes crashing down. The moment you knew was coming but hoped it will never really come. And I just can’t help it. Tears tears tears.. buckets of tears.. a grief so great that it crushes my […]
I should be dead by now. But I’m not. Why? Because of him. One person. There are so many people in the world and he had to come into my life. I cannot understand what he saw in me and what he apparently still sees in me. I love so many other people but I was willing to leave it all behind because I just couldn’t be happy anymore, but now I am. I haven’t been in love in years. I fell in love with him as quickly as I made the decision to end my life. I don’t get why this happened. I don’t get it.
I […]
I think I’m depressed, maybe even suicidal. It all started when I was 8. On the day before my 9th birthday, my mum committed suicide….I remember my reaction, I ran into my room, ripped down all my posters, punched the wall (it made a crack) and I broke the class on my bench, then I just ran outside into the rain and cried.
my mum had been depressed for a while, she had no money and struggled to get a job. She was even homeless so she stayed with with her friend (my parents split up). Yeah so most of the time I stayed with my […]
I honestly cannot find the words anymore, nothing to comfort others. I’m just blank, more or less like something that’s been erased. As i sit there constanly with the thoughts of suicide, it moves down my spin.. hurting more and more, like ice onto an ocean. I technically cannot classify myself from an ocean. Because in my mind: I see an Ocean as peaceful, full of life, moving to keep the life going. It’s like we are here to be here? If that makes sense, but unlike others we feel it all, we feel it more and more & it dwells in our minds that […]
just tired of the suffering, when does it end? im tired of doing all of the exhausting, tedious stuff every day just so i can continue to be alive and struggle. my logical mind tells me that if I pass then my pain will be gone. as long as i live, i will struggle and suffer. i just gotta be realistic. the only true way to END the pain for good is to be no more. im tired of the continued suffering . it hasnt gotten better. its stayed the same or gotten worse actually,, definitely feeling ready to leave as soon as possible. […]
Two things strong enough to prevent.
It’s a shame i’m upside down in a backwards world.
Swirling vortex, suck it all in all.
We’ll meet somewhere in the event horizon.
“Just one more day Donnie, please” .
I just want my depression and the voices to end, I had the best job and the best wife and lost it all. I have lost my life, my confidence and all my friends. Am currently studying again and doing really well, but hearing voices to commit suicide and having depression big time sucks as if I can’t pull myself out of a grave. And yes I do take meds.
I have gone through suicide in my head thousands of times and know of the painless method I will actually carry this out. Just need to save some money. It’s pain vs pleasure for me and […]
This is me, the bubbly, fun, loving person with a side people dont understand. Lately me and this boy had a thing and it all went to shit and I keep cutting and having bad suicidal thoughts, sometimes I think about taking my whole bottle of pills just so I wont feel pain anymore. My arms burn more than ever and I havent been eating, my stomach hurts and just makes me so upset and I cant eat nothing, my family is getting worried […]
I don’t know if I’m a lesbian or just confused. I’m in a relationship with a man. We’ve been together for a long time. But lately everything feels fake. I don’t know if I’m attracted to the idea of lesbianism, if I want a clever and easy word to describe myself, or if I’m just tired of all these men chasing after me. Sometimes I think about women when I’m with my boyfriend. I hate that. I wish I could give him what he needs, but I don’t feel adequate. I wish I was better. I wish I was more nice and less selfish. But […]
I’ve struggled with disdain and hatred for my body for the duration of my depression, I was diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder last August and it all culminates at times. I just can’t stand my face, I’ve honestly tried cutting parts of it off with scissors multiple times but I’m a ***** and couldn’t stand the pain and blood. I have a particular hatred for my right eye, I have no idea why, I just hate it. It doesn’t look right, it’s ugly, it ruins my face, ugh, it’s just horrible. I’ve gone through bouts of wearing eyepatches for months at a time and my […]
I guess I fell for that fateful curse of “tomorrow could be the day that it all gets better”… and dya know the cruel joke about tomorrow? Tomorrow never comes.
I’m done waiting for something that won’t happen for me.
I’ve been through it all. The medications. The Treatments. The therapy. At some point everything became blank. After I visited my father, who criticized me down to the last bit until I realised, I am nothing. I failed at all my suicide attempts. They said everyone who survived an attempt is always greatful. I wonder, when did it all go wrong. For as long as I remember, I was just…never real. We are all not real. I tried my best to always do what my parents wanted. I just wasn’t smart enough. I tried to be the best. But I’m nothing. My existence is a […]
Nothing works. medication after medication each one with worse side effects, more medication to deal with those side effects, I’m getting more and more sick and the doctors do fuck all. I’m so pissed off with everything I can’t even put it into words. I’ve got worse and worse, I’m less independent and worse off than I was at 16. Ten years of shite. I stopped taking all meds last night, I give up, I won’t do this anymore. I want to feel alive one last time before I end it all. But before I go, there will be retribution. Those who wronged me are […]
So, if you’ve been following me at all…I’m out of the hospital and living alone in my apartment. People are still in denial that anything ever happened. Tonight is the first night that i’m not under watchful eye. So guess what I decided to do? I decided to go out and about and enjoy the cool night air. I drove to my campus and parked as normal. As I was backing out of my parking space after I had enough night air and a people dart out behind me. I hit my brakes and another car comes flying past me, so I shove it in […]
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