Nothing works. medication after medication each one with worse side effects, more medication to deal with those side effects, I’m getting more and more sick and the doctors do fuck all. I’m so pissed off with everything I can’t even put it into words. I’ve got worse and worse, I’m less independent and worse off than I was at 16. Ten years of shite. I stopped taking all meds last night, I give up, I won’t do this anymore. I want to feel alive one last time before I end it all. But before I go, there will be retribution. Those who wronged me are going to pay. I’ll make them fucking pay. I’ll watch them burn. Wait and see.
Fuck it. Fuck it all.
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Don’t take revenge. Just enjoy the last few days you have. Fuck them. You don’t give yourself much time going that way, trust me I’m going out with out meds as well. Honestly man just do you.
I wish it were that easy, but my soul is searing. I’ve gone so much hate burning inside me my coffin will probably catch light when they put me in it. For years I’ve told myself what goes around comes around, well it doesnt. I’ve controlled my pyromania, I’ve ignored the voice in my head constantly egging me on. I’ve been a good little patient, I’ve suffered and worked and slaved away for nothing. If I could, I’d watch the whole world burn. My time is coming. Like a phoenix I’ll rise from my current state of ashes in an explosion of fire and smoke. My time is coming. This isn’t mania or depression, this is clarity, I’ve never seen clearer than this. It can be no other way.
And I totally am with you on the meds, because this is MY exit, this is MY time. If I can’t fully experience the most important stage of my life, its just criminal. Zero day approaches.
I sadly understand. I know how badly you want revenge. I’m just too “nice” to do something. I hate how these few people made me feel like total Shit, and I wish I could make them go into a spiraling depression with absolutely no way out but I honestly can’t. I can only say Fuck them and enjoy the little time I’m getting.
That’s the thing, I’d love to take an imprint of my mind and force it into their head and show them what its like, to give them a taste of the shit going on in my head, to send them spiralling out of control but I can’t.
I also used to be too nice to do this, but I’ve reached the point where I don’t even care anymore. Better to go out in blazing glory than die alone and miserable, feeling powerless and helpless.
I have no advice for this situation, just commiseration. I sometimes want nothing more than to walk up to a house belonging to someone who has “wronged” me and splattering my brains out on their front porch. The ultimate “FUCK YOU THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!” from me. Even though I know, deep down, that they didn’t do anything wrong… I still want them to understand a measure of the pain that their actions caused me.
Thanks for the commiseration mate. Totally with you in some ways, this is the ultimate fuck you, but the people and places Im going to destroy have done wrong. Deep down I know it, either actively sending me further down this path or just watching me suffer not putting the slightest bit of effort into helping me get better, even though it was their fucking job. Splattering my brains alone wouldnt do it either, this calls for trial by fire and explosives, total immolation and destruction, fire and brimstone raining from the sky. I don’t want to die till I’ve sorted my unfinished business.
Going back to splattering though, I’m tempted with the idea of death by high explosives.. Would definitely be a quick and painless death as long as I get the quantities right.
Life isn’t for everyone. There might be a better place after death. No more suffering maybe.
i have wanted to get revenge too but i wont do it
Life isn’t for everyone; but death is
If i had an ‘off’ button i would press it
I wish I had an off button too 🙁
Me too! Please where is the off button? Preferably rigged up to a nuke?
Life definitely isn’t for everyone, but death is, I agree. I also believe there is a better place after death, with no suffering – its just oblivion, blackness, nothingness..
If there is a heaven I wouldn’t be allowed in because of who I am, regardless of whether I was good or not. So I seriously hope there isn’t one – but I believe that the idea of differring pleasure for the next life in exchange for servitude in this one is just a mechanism of control designed to keep people brainwashed and compliant.
Bring on the nothingness please!