Instead of taking a bunch of pills in one go as I have done in the past, I have been taking 15 extra strength Tylenol a day with alcohol. This way, I won’t puke it all up. Wish me luck.
Tag:
it all
I thought about it again. Taking all my pills at once. About cutting, Mum is slamming me again and my sister cant stop finding out my flaws. The kids at school just can’t stop after they saw me flirting with Mary. I want it all to end. I don’t want to let Her down but I feel hopeless. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like something isn’t right with me. Maybe I’m just paranoid though. My grades are slipping and I’m trying to keep them up. I have to get all A’s. Otherwise homelife is more like life in Hell. I […]
48 years old, virgin, never dated, tired of my life. I keep being told it’s up to me to change it, but since it never changes, clearly I don’t do anything to change it. Get depressed reading old posts of mine on internet from five, ten years ago, nothing changed in my life. I just don’t see the point in keeping on. Advice, go out more, exercise, join clubs, for what? I tried, nothing happened, okay got to keep trying, for what? More nothingness? I can’t stand myself, I don’t believe I can change my life for the […]
I’m trying so hard to reclaim my mind from self harm. It’s been five days since I last cut. The first two were okay. The third hard after these kids at school were….. Well they were them. The fourth worse. I was at my best friends birthday party when one of our friends invited a guy. (It was supposed to be just eight of us girls) I was okay at first, then he got out of his car. I got a bad feeling. Immediately after he got out of his car. I was scared. I hid. With my friends I stayed the farthest away from […]
Long one:
I have a big family, but my dad’s never been around so it’s always just been me and mum. Therefore, apart from my grandfather she has always been the one that I confide in. Bare in mind I am not the type of person that feels comfortable confiding in others and I tend to keep it all bottled up, occasionally taking things out on a sheet of A4 with black ink.
Whenever I do tell her things, I always make her promise not to tell anybody at least twice before I let it go because I know she’ll just spill it all to the […]
Once life was good. I was happy. Happy enough. But I ruined it. Now my days are spent in silence, alone, dreaming of the past, wishing for it all to have turned out differently. I despise the present of long awful days lost in sadness. I dread the hopelessness infecting every second of every day. I’ve tried to be happy since. I have moments of contentment, of distraction, but it never lasts. I spend all my time alone, afraid, anxious, and miserable. I cry often. I sob and I pace with my hands cradling my head. All my joy is gone. Any passion I once […]
My pain.
Staying up all night wondering why your even alive.. Asking your self is it even worth being here ? Looking up to the moon and the stars while your tears are falling down your face. Looking down at your wrist and seeing all your scars. You close your eyes and reminiscing when you where that happy lil girl full of joy and faith. You open your eyes and your back to reality , where you hate everything about your self. You get out of your room and take a glance at your family apologizing to them in your mind for all the pain you’ve […]
I have never really written anything for anyone else to read before… to tell you the truth… I am not sure if this is a good idea. But I am going to try.
I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 15. By the age of 20, I was on and off 12 different anti-psychotics, anti depressants, and anxiety medication. I was hospitalized seven times for suicide attempts.
They then told me I have what is called Borderline Personality Disorder. With Major depression. I am now 23.
I just… I hate myself so much. I became impulsive, after my boyfriend of six years and I broke up, […]
What do I want to do with my brief time on this wonderful planet? I mean life goes so fast. Why throw it away?
Except that all I really want right now is to not feel this anymore. Loneliness. Fear. Isolation. Loss. Self-hatred. Longing. Emptiness. Anger.
There are so many interesting things I could be doing with my time. But nothing means anything anymore. Nothing feels worthwhile. Whatever I’m doing, my underlying feelings remain focused on the life I can’t live.
How can you function, and not descend into destructive behavior, when regardless of what you do, there’s this hole inside sucking in all your attention?
Drinking doesn’t help. […]
I see myself running around chasing two kids. I see myself laughing on my wedding day. I see myself being happy. I think it’s all attainable. To grow up, be happy and lead a life that makes me smile.
I know that I have many years left. The number of years I have lived is considered small. In people’s eyes I’m considered a child. I don’t find myself mature, but I don’t find myself childish either. Why is age so important? I think of my future. It seems as if I have so much ahead of me, but my mind reminds myself that what I’m thinking […]
(Didn’t want to highjack that other post again)… Have you ever been so tired and exhausted that you are too tired and exhausted to even sleep? I thought about treatment options today. I really don’t have any. I’ve done it all. I can’t bear to go back into DBT. ECT fried my brain last time and I am still suffering the memory consequences. I really don’t have any treatment options anymore. I’m out of options.
I just get so very tired of it all sometimes
Hey… I probably don’t know you and if you have made it to this site?
I know how you feel.
It probably won’t mean much coming from a guy sitting in the library behind a computer screen but somebody out there believes in you. They want you to succeed and do great things. I don’t say much anymore but I’ve noticed a lot of intelligent people here from their stories. Don’t give up the good fight just yet!
I’m not a “do gooder bible toting freak” either. I’m not here to preach at you or tell you it’s all going to be okay…but what I will say is […]
When “I’m depressed”
comes out of the mouth of a 7 year old,
a kid too young to know what it really means,
you say “Don’t be one of those people, they’re selfish.”
Knowing full well that I am one of “those people.”
Is it terribly adolescent of me
to think,
“Oh yeah? You know what’s selfish? You. You and your fucking religion, fucking forcing me to do things I don’t believe in, praying fucking five times a day, wearing a fucking headscarf every fucking day, pretending I like the sexist homophobic Arab-elitist bullshit that spews out of the mouths of the imams giving the Friday sermons. You and your little victim […]
I’m so tired of living without purpose. Everything is just empty. There is no goal. No imagined future point at which things might be ok again.
I am alone. And I don’t mean physically. I mean morally. I am outside the human community. Everyone I interact with would have to reject me if they knew what I had done, and what I am.
What I have done is unacceptable by anyone, no matter how understanding or well meaning. No one can truly know me, accept me, love me. I am utterly alone. For the rest of my existence.
It is wrong for me to continue to live. And […]
how do I know when there are comments on threads I commented on or threads I have started.. even if I click subscribe I don’t get anything… is there a place on this site I can see it all
Im not sure were to start I’ve read a few posts here before but nothing more. For nearly three years I’ve wanted to die. I’ve attempted 4times only twice officially. I’ve had a mild drug problem for a year or so i think.
Im not really looking for pity or nothing im just tired im tired of it all. Im always looking for new methods as oding never works but i think what i need is a partner I’ve never been brave enough to die alone
planning on trying again after a special event in November. That should give me enough time to find someone who’ll come […]
I feel like I am always searching for a place to fit in. Just to blend in with all the other people that fit in. But all I manage to do is watch them; Envy them; Pretend that I am like them.
I feels like I am just watching life from behind a glass. I can see what’s going on but I can’t join..I can’t touch them, I am never going to be one of them. There is always Something separating me from them. I don’t exactly know how to describe it. It is invisible and yet when I reach out I can touch it, […]
Lately my thoughts are filled with my death…weather it be by my own hands, another or some freak accident.
ive always been suicidal, since a very young age and I’ve been in and out of ‘mental institutions’ since I was 13…I’m now 18. Nothing helps anymore…I feel like the weight of the world is holding my down. I try looking to things or people I love and know will be hurt by my death but even that’s not helping.
i can’t sleep anymore, I’m so scared of everything. I’m scared someone will break in and hurt my family. I’m scared of even the tiniest things.
Hell my dog […]
I feel better than I have in weeks. Still nervous and worried but I have a smile on my face. I am finding it difficult to focus. I’m finding it difficult to go on in certain ways. I need to figure certain things out. Maybe this isn’t what I’m meant to do in life. maybe I should run away. I’ve always wanted to run away, like Holden Caulfield. I think I should give this life a try and then see if I still feel the same in a few months.
I’ve gained some weight and I’m still getting use to my body. It feels like it […]