whenever things finally seem to be working out for me, or I begin to feel a little better, people just decide to fuck it all up for me again?
Why can’t people be reliable?
Tag:
it all
I was in a chatroom on social media
and i saw those words
‘i feel like dying’
shit
thats not what the website is for
so i tell them
‘call the suicide hotline’
they disregard me
a person message
‘stoop her’
stoop her?
im so confused now
‘stop her,shes my girlfriend’
shit
what am i supposed to do now?
so i set up a little personal package
dont die
suicidal numbers
truths
sigh
send
there
i fixed everything,right?
10 minutes
30
nothing
Wait–
Something!
‘Has she responded yet’
Oh
No
And now im going back
To that one place
That one place where i
pull my hair
and cant breathe
and feel like letting it all out
literally
just opening my mouth and letting my organs flow
a shake and heave
and start my same habit in a different place
and think about […]
Can this pen bring you to me? Pushed away from the freeze…and the long hanging feelings that call out for freedom.
Will this time stand aside, this time took from me just to give it all back again?
Is it right to cry? Is it right to cry for me? Said, this fight might be ours but it all falls to a place that we’ve failed to see.
And so, she lifts me
And so, she lifts me
That’s right, she lifts me now..if you can’t see for yourself..see?
I couldn’t hold back those dreams..cause you were there begging me so nice. And I still […]
I feel like I don’t want to keep on trying anymore, it’s hard to explain but I feel like I have finally achieved everything I’ve ever wanted and still I don’t get any joy from it. I still have some things that I have to “fight for” but I already know that when I finally get them I wont feel anybetter than now.
It feels like even when I got what I wanted (to have friends, and family and succeed in what I do) nothing is real, I feel like it’s all in my mind, I don’t think anybody actually loves me or cares about me. […]
I just don’t even care anymore. The passion to pursue my old dreams are gone. I’m just defeated by this feeling of emptiness. Like I have no self worth or purpose to serve. By no means, do I have it the worst. I have a loving, supporting, fully functional family.I have nice tangible things and have never been sexually abused. None of this matters, though, and each day I wish that I wouldn’t have all of these things and that my fifteen years on this earth would end. I guess I’m frustrated at myself,I wish that there was more to this life of mine. There’s […]
Title says it all.
I get so damn nervous sometimes when I’m around people
and even when I’m not, I’m constantly waiting and thinking about just being alone, just getting through the socializing, so I can have time to myself.
well right now I won’t have time to myself at all for a couple of days
and it’s freaking me out
All my problems have been fixed, I’m making friends I’m talking to people but I’m still a fucking basket case. There’s only a few weeks left until I decide whether or not I’m going through with this… Even when I’ve had my best days theres still loneliness and isolation lurking in the background, I’m tired of false fronts and pretenses and feeling like an outcast even when I’m not one. I’m tired of feeling so fucking angsty and so fucking shitty and being a ***** about things, I’m just really tired and only if I end it all can I rest
I can be happy, I can be content – but behind it all is an absence of any belief that anything is of any value, or worth, materially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. All empty.
Then the light fades, that’s enough, time to go.
Then comes anger, a real anger, self directed, and at the rest of humanity. The call to ‘be nice to people’ to make me feel better, to ‘do something’ to make me feel better. Acting on such advice is nothing more than me, me, me – so it’s all just self serving? So its in the self interest of those who preach to say those things? […]
Do you ever feel a nagging feeling of emptiness and disappointment? At first it’s small and easily ignored. Then, it grows and becomes a weight on your shoulders until it bogs you down til you cannot move. Do you ever feel so depressed and lost that any relationships or interactions seem like so much work and effort? You don’t even feel connections anymore. You just feel empty…moving through the actions without much thought. It all seems like ceremony anymore.
I feel like this everyday and I don’t know how to escape. I no longer feel love, compassion, sympathy, hate, anger…nothing. All I feel is an odd […]
Everything is the same every day.
It’s just the same thing over and over again.
No one is theirselves we all belong to the system
slowly were all dying.
The only thing that keeps me going
Is that maybe one day I’ll find peace
theres nothing I want more than to live in the forest
Leave this pathetic way of life behind, sitting our life away one day at a time, I really love those of you that are reading this right now whatever you may be going through
im so tired of living so mindlessly
I’m 19 years old and have had enough of this game.
I could sing, or hit the gym and […]
A few weeks ago me and my fiance were to pick my mom up for an appointment she had. I opened the door all I saw was her legs and pills everywhere. I ran to her screaming “MOM”. She could speak she threw up all over herself her eyes were red. She looked so hopeless! My fiance got on the phone called an ambulance they came and asked her what she took all she kept saying was ” 5 bottles”, all we saw was Percocets on the floor. After she was brought to the ER and was settled we went back to her place to […]
I can’t believe myself. 58 days I went without cutting. 58 days of suppressing the tears until i could lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep. 58 days of resisting the urges with all my will. did I cut when my ex yelled at me and told me he wished I would just fucking die? Did I cut when my uncle killed himself? Did I cut on any of those days when life was just too much for me to get out of bed, but I had to force myself to because if I didn’t who would take care of my brothers? […]
hello,
I am from new zealand. I am a 35 yr old man who hears distressing voices 24/7 and for the last 7 yrs. There really is little hope for me as i have tried all of the world’s medications without success. I have also tried acupuncture, psychological therapy and hypnotherapy without any luck. When you reach the end of the road with respect to possible fixes you just feel like crap and wonder what the point of it all is.
For me its quite ridiculous that i could still be alive 20 years from now. It means a whole lot of suffering occured from between now […]
I have been in hell for a few months and stumble here by chance. I’ve been looking suicide and stuff and came across this little paradise people just like me….in hell every waking hour and desperate for a bit of peace. I downloaded the peaceful pill book yesterday and was horrified and both amazed at its simplicity of it all. I’m in my mid forties, have two growing kids, a failing marriage, and a lover which I adore and have been seeing for a year and a bit for it seems he’s getting tired of me and I’m getting tired of so much unhappiness. I’ve […]
I wonder if anyone would miss me if I died. I mean like really miss me. There is always a certain sadness that comes with death. I think its the permanence of it and the unknowingness that makes it really sad. Even the death of someone you don’t know or a family pet is sad, so theres no doubt that my death with be sad for some people. But I wonder if people will remember me and miss me. Like a month down the road will one of my friends see something that reminds them of me and think about me? Will they wish I […]
today someone said something about, in hell where at the bottom depths, lies magical sands with the power to bring forth great fortune.**
by Bisban
written by Bisban
So what… Keep trying, uh? The story must begin with a crew. The “bebop” genre description describes it all fully well. I don’t know exactly how it goes…. somewhere along outside the box, but not really. But anyway, as I’ve mentioned, I am here seeking the ‘Pilgrimage’, becoming my tribal name of faith. A tribal, that’s what it’s suppose to be about. Me and my own one in a million, fated. I read elsewhere how like… Wiccan is referred to as a way of life, which then made more sense to me, based, on the living myth.
Oblivious. A suffering fetus. Mother, cow, a celestial mind. […]
This is my first. I just have to get it out. All the reasons I hate myself. They make you believe that the happy pills will make it all better. I’ve been on them for three months, and here I am. Still depressed, still alone, still misunderstood. The main reason I hate myself is because I’m addicted to porn. All you people who are gonna say it’s natural shut the hell up and look somewhere else. I don’t care if it’s natural. I don’t care if the freaking pope did it. He’s not me. Do you know what it’s like to be called disgusting by […]
Everywhere I go people have something horrible to say about me, whether it’s that I’m an idiot / retard / moron / ugly or disgusting… they just never have anything positive to say and lack the empathy or sympathy to understand how much it hurts. I have no chance of survival because is no way for me to escape emotional pain. Some people would laugh at me behind my back or right in my face and say things like “he’s the ugliest person I’ve ever seen” or “he’s a worthless piece of shit” and some things that people have said have really stuck with me […]
I’m sixteen and just recently got caught shoplifting. I’m so stupid. I have one of the highest gpas in my school, play a varsity sport, and successfully take the hardest APs at my school but I threw everything away with this one mistake. My parents blame themselves when it’s all my fault not theirs. They barely make enough to support our family yet I selfishly cost them more so that I can get an attorney in hopes that this won’t remain on my record. If this stays on my record I don’t have any chance of going anywhere in life and all that stress and […]
Why do I not have the energy or the excitement needed to enjoy myself during the day? What is it about me that drives people away, like I’m some sort of weirdo? I can smile, I can play the part, but it’s all fake and I know it. I’m not going to pretend I’m your best friend, but I don’t dislike your company either, you know? Yet I’m excluded even though I’m not exactly bullied. Summer is my break from that, but it also seems to be a break from my true friends too so far, for the most part. I guess they’re turned off […]