maybe it’s alcohol or maybe I’m riding a mania. Both ways it doesn’t matter I decided to give my self another chance before I end it all. I will try to find love within again after being dead inside for long time. Nothing really matters since we are going to die someday aight? Fuck depression and fuck all the mental diseases all together nobody deserve it and I won’t wish it for my most hated enemies. I will stick to SP and try to help as much as possible I love u all
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it all
Alrighty, here goes nothing. I am trying to not cut, as per usual, and instead of cutting, I find inspirational stories on the web- pictures of healed scars, supportive tattoos etc. Unfortunately I ran into one of those memes that says something about cutters not cutting the right way and why don’t you use a lawn mower and only emo kids cut because they just want to fit in… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Cutters cut because they are in so much fucking pain, or they are so numb or so hurt or so damn traumatized that the only way they can […]
I’ve always been an indecisive person: even down to the most simplest of things. School is one of those things. Although I hate it, no doubt, education is very important. I just recently turned 17 and I took two separate years off of school (due to various different factors) and should technically be a senior in high school yet I’m a sophomore…oh and I haven’t even gone back to school yet this year because I’m not sure if I should go through with “letting go” or if I should go back to school. Yep, I’m a straight up loser. I probably would choose to go […]
There are some things about life that I absolutely love.
There’s hope in my heart that things will get better.
But I know that’s just wishful thinking.
I’m ready to leave this place behind and see what’s waiting for us on the other side.
I’ve hurt so many people that were nothing but good to me, I know this will hurt them more but at least It will be the last time.
I’m scared but excited I don’t know if i’m strong enough to go through it all again.
I’ve over dosed and ended up in hospital twice.
Most recent was two days ago.
I’m […]
In the past week I have lost almost everyone…everything. For a while, weeks, months, years maybe, I’ve been wanting to escape. Escape it all…all at once. The pain. The fear. The loss. The confusion. The depression. Everything. Gone. But how? There’s so much to leave behind but so much to let go. How do you grow the courage to make your decision?
after my one day stent in the ER, and the 5 day stent in the psyche ward, I became close to a lot of people in there. I exchanged phone numbers with about 5 people. They was like family to me. When I tried to call em, it all went directly to voicemail and I left a message but nobody returned my calls. Me and this one guy was planning on meeting up and going fishing.
My fear is – what if they just felt that fellowship on the inside, but once they got out they moved on? I heard stories about prisoners who promised to […]
I’m so tired of being alive. But it’s like I don’t even belong in death. Like I could never deserve such a privilege. I’m stuck, in between life and death and no matter how exhausted I am, I just seem to go on like a curse inside of me. I just want to lay down, crash and never wake up. But every single morning, my eyes open and my conscious never stops murmuring words here and there. So many years have passed now but it’s all so confusing to me, cause my memories are all a blurry haze and I keep forgetting to dislike the […]
So I stumbled across this site on one of my darkened days. I haven’t slept, ate, or drank anything in two days. My world came crashing down the day I found my mother outside dead from a shot gun to the chest. At first I was in shock, never saw that coming in a million years. my momma was the type of person who loved life, cherished every moment of it. but just like that, she decided she couldn’t take the pain away. she left me, alone, in this world with nothing and no one. I cant bare this pain that I’ve been going through, […]
Every day it’s all the same
Like no matter what the reason is
The seasons never change
I think of all the time I spend
There’s a fire in sky
They’ll remember me tonight
It’s burning up
What’s your song line that touches your soul most at the moment?
(please: just SIX lines per person)
I’ll start with Anastacia’s “Everything burns”:
“But she will sing…
‘Till everything burns, while everyone screams,
Burning their lies, burning my dreams,
All of this hate, and all of this pain,
I’ll burn it all down, as my anger rains,
‘Till everything burns…”
A round of applause for the curtains closing on this tragedy. Played out by an actor ignorant of his role in it all. I take a bow and say, “goodnight all”.
I don’t know what to do anymore… I’ve been suffering from clinical depression for about two and a half years now, and nothing that i have ever tried has ever been able to help. The incessant feelings of pure worthlessness, self-hatred, and pure relentless sadness are becoming very overwhelming at this point in time and I don’t foresee it getting any better anytime soon. I’m just sad, all the time… and its so bad sometimes that I just find myself crying for hours, and i am tired of it… tired of all of it… I feel like a burden and a problem to everyone around […]
Nobody knows what kind of hell i live in! People think im happy and ok… But im not! And so long as im in this hell… I will never be ok. Im sick and tired of crying… I just want it all to stop. I cant take anymore…
Nothing will change… No matter how hard i hope… No matter what i do… Nothing changes. And i cant take this anymore!!!!!
Holes in the front, holes in the back
Pink holes, brown holes, and even black
Some holes are smelly, hidden benethe
Oher holes peck your cute little cheeks
intake, outtake, holes can do it all
Some holes feel good, and some are very small
We came from a hole, and will be buried in one too
In the grand scheme of things, holes are me and you.
okay, so my last post was really positive! But this one isn’t going to be!
ever just have one of them days where even being in someone’s company annoys you but you can’t stand to be alone?
I chose to eat a lot this morning, I used to comfort eat a lot! but then my head just went. So made it all come back out, I made myself sick until I felt weak. Until my belly burned.
Then I went into my room and self harmed. I was doing so fucking well but today I lost it! Worst part is I didn’t even cry! I felt no emotion […]
I’m just so tired at this point that I don’t know what to do with myself. Two days ago during my two best friends wedding to each other I ducked out early, filled my car with all my belongings and was about to drive off and burn it all. I had bought two propane tanks I had intended to rupture, and a jerry can full of premium gasoline (which for some reason seemed funny being that I only buy low-grade) which I had intended to pour on everything including myself. It was going to be a loud painful and grizzly death but that’s how I […]
Hidden beneath the pile of forbidden fruit
Lies emotions that whisper nothings sweet and crude
an attitude of lust and a beauty everlasting
brings with it the terror of an unexpected sting
the warm rush of feelings never felt
hand of avarice and wickedness ive been dealt
no doubt that i dont know what lifes all about
but i wear a mask and play the part and pretend to know the route
existence is the devils mistress and you wont be remiss to hear me say i dont miss this
the heart wants what it wants so get a grip
blood to spill and im insatiable ill take it all drip by putrid drip
a skip […]
I am tired. Have not slept much in days or weeks or months. Seems like i keep reinjuring shoulder/neck injury from last accident where they hit my car. I am just tired of it all, the memory loss, thr cognitive and iq drop, the injuries, constant nightmares and not sleeping. I just want it all to end. I cant get medical, dental, or psych help here, for psych they don,t preform any tests written or physical so i dont know where i stand withe cognitive function loss and iq loss. Dont know whats going on […]
I’ve always had depression but I’ve never had the heart to tell my family. Some friends know, the ones I can really trust, but for the most part it’s all a secret. Anyway, there’s one ‘friend’ who I thought I could trust. I told her about my gender identity and sexuality the other day in confidence and she didn’t support it. I ended up having an argument with her and she ended it by using my depression against me. She said she could make me self harm and starve myself and even kill myself. She didn’t have to say anything else. I think she might […]
What the fuck would you do when
Most friends are not as close as they should
When politics and world’s health hurts
When you’ve been brilliantly single more than idiots more than bad people deserve
I’m not depressed, I just hate the system we live in, politics and the games people play
It made me sick, I’m stuck inside myself,
Nothings changing, Watching everyone,
Every moron be happy and progress
While I dream of not waking up
While the earth is dying from millenials of greed. conversely the only thing giving me hope is the imminent apocalypse.
It’s not depression, it’s my today, it was