I am doing this because there is a small part of me that doesn’t want to die. The rest of me is sure that this gun sitting in my lap is the answer for all my problems. Being born from day one with a debilitatingmedical condition is one thing but it time and time again hurting me holding me back, making me lame and weird growing up and a psycho into adult-hood is about all I can take. After finding my insurance canceled me as a client and won’t re-consider the same week I find out I am going to need surgery is the last […]
Job
I’m sorry for those who left replies on my Wonderland post. I had accidentally deleted it. Thank you those who did, and those who took the time to read it, thank you to you too. Its the next day but I’m scared to leave my room, for fear he’ll be out there to yell my ear off and make me feel less again… I know he loves me because he still lets me stay at the house and drive my mom’s old car… but.. Sometimes, it just seems like all he does is shout at me for everything… he’s coping, and I can’t do anything […]
My mom died just last year. My dad is still coping with it, doing so much as to order us to not ever go into his room. I’m human, and my brother was hogging the bathroom. So, I went and used it. I get home from my job and my dad starts yelling at me. I naturally can only squeak out the words ‘I’m sorry’.
My mom said that whenever I get scared, I hide in my own little world, my wonderland… my dad has been scaring me more and more, makimg me feel worthless. I’m almost 20, but I can’t leave because I don’t […]
My name is Daniel aka Xeeno. I do have an past with “Suicide” and it’s painful to live through. I tried many times to jump off an bright, I tried many times to cut my self, I tried many times to shoot myself, but for some odd reason something in my life through me off. Something wouldn’t let me jump, something wouldn’t let me cut myself, something wouldn’t let me shoot myself. But for some reason now I feel that I shouldn’t live life anymore, I should let life pass by me like the wind, I should let life go, I mean I have no […]
Im saving money, running away, then killing myself. I’m hoping i get this job first, then save up to at lease 800 and hopefully that’ll be by the end of march. and if i dont have a job by then end of march 31st which is a Saturday and a little bit of money (at lease to get me to a plane ticket) then im still leaving. far away. When i  get there, ill get a hotel and kill myself. Why do all this? Well, I just cant take it here no more, i just want to leave everything and everyone. and When i do […]
For too long i have kept up this charade. Pretending to be happy when im not. Im probably like alot of people…for a long time, everything seemed to be going ok, and i had dreams and aspirations and a plan for my life.
But, somewhere along the way, i failed. And i dont have any resentments about it, i know most of the reason as to why i failed rests with me. Im not perfect, im sure if i worked harder, i couldve accomplished more, made something of myself. But, i didnt. I understand that, and thats not what really bothers me anyway.
For too long, my […]
I don’t know. I don’t know why I do anything. I hardly ever eat, when I do it’s not because I’m hungry. I’m bored, I’m angry, I’m sick. I feel like I’m going to be sick, but I just keep eating this shitty angel delight. It tastes like fucking vomit. But maybe that’s because the smell of vomit is lingering in the air. Yeah, I vomited on the floor yesterday, I don’t know what fucking happened. I didn’t even clean it up for an hour. I just let it sit there whilst I listening to Joy Division. Some of it is still there.
I’m a […]
I have a good career and respect and I am about to loose it all. In the moment of rash madness I sent what could be seen as a threatening text to a former boss. I will probably lose my job I want my life to end in the next few days.
Im 22 and have had so many issues over the last 10yrs, Anorexia, Bulimia, Clinical depression, bi-polar you name it. I’ve been in 7 different hospitals and am finally home after a 4yr stay. It seems even though i am home im still petrified of a normal life everything terrifies me. I finding it hard to get a job as employers ask for a criminal records check and mine will show cautions for criminal damage and narcotics possesion (Im not proud of that), even going into town on my own or taking the bus is so god damn scary. The idea of sociaising is so […]
I recently moved to a new city. I left behind my friends, my family, my job of seven years….But I did so to go back to school, start a new career, and be closer to my girlfriend was an added bonus. When I got here everything was great. We talked like we always do shared and supported each other. Now….she barely wants to talk to me even though I have done nothing to merit this. I cook I clean I do laundry vacuum do dishes, so if you’re reading this and thinking oh he’s a guy he probably doesn’t do much to help, ya right […]
I’ve done all my preparation; house is in foreclosure, no job, no family, absolutely no friends, chronic health issues, I’m on 5 prescription meds, I’ve got a loaded 12 gauge shotgun, nothing but an old dog to leave behind. I need help pulling the trigger, it must happen, I’m done!
go to work
go to my moms house
take care of my brother
get high
go to sleep
rinse/repeat
weekend!!!!!!!!
take care of my brother
get high
go to sleep
I do other things but…. I’m sitting here willing myself to get up and go back to my moms house for the evening but I just can’t. Even if I had my own apartment again, it’s all so unsatisfying. I want.. i dunno. A woman? That doesn’t sound right but I’m sure it’s what my body wants. My mind is the problem. My body is healthy and fit.. my mind just doesn’t want. Doesn’t want anything, […]
People are getting confused, they know something is up, but the don’t have the slightest clue of what. I have not written in a while, and I miss it. I can’t express myself, and no one will know what is going on, there is just a whole bunch of missing pages in this story; if I can even call it that anymore. I have been sad, sadder than ever. I can’t stop asking myself, “When will things be better?â€.I can’t explain what is going on in my life for, there is nothing. Just the Same Shit, Different Day. Time is just being wasted more and […]
Check out my blog of journal entries threw my struggles with depression anxiety along with heroin addiction to try and stop the pain. I keep my journal raw and for all to see . No one in this forum is alone !!
Http://www.jlb462606.blogspot.com
Hey I am 22 (just turned) male from UK. Basically I am stuck in life. I never leave the house because I have nowhere to go, I have no friends and nobody to talk to every single day, including weekends. I am currently looking for work and have never had a job yet (been looking 2 & 1/2 years). I am done with education as its neve rgot me anywhere and I can not receive funding to do what I even want to do.
I am stuck in life, I have no future and no friends, no girlfriend, no place of my own, no transport, […]
Hey I am 22 (just turned) male from UK. Basically I am stuck in life. I never leave  the house because I have nowhere to go, I have no friends and nobody to talk to every single day, including weekends. I am currently looking for work and have never had a job yet (been looking 2 & 1/2 years). I am done with education as its neve rgot me anywhere and I can not receive funding to do what I even want to do.
I am stuck in life, I have no future and no friends, no girlfriend, no place of my own, no transport, no money. I have nothing, […]
I don’t want to be alive most days. I probably would have killed myself by now if I didn’t know that it would hurt too many people. Pretty much the only reason I have not attempted it yet. But I want to. I’m getting tired of wanting to. So I’m going to post this and try to move up. So I might think about it less and keep them safe from knowing that I want to die.
I am 19 years old, I go to community college and I work at a retailer to pay rent and school fees. I’m well off enough, I have savings, […]
Consistent with my usual run of luck, I was laying out my gas-bag stuff and dropped my regulator/flow gauge and snapped off and broke my flow gauge. Since you cannot do the job correctly without it, now I have to go out hunting for one on Saturday. More frigging expense out of money I don’t have.
If it was not for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. :)Â <deep breath>
DR
So after I made that post, I had trouble actually falling asleep, so I watched an episode or two of Futurama. It`s a pretty good show, I would recommend it. Anyway after I finally eventually got to sleep, I had a pretty fucked up dream. Though people dream every night, I (they) rarely remember my (their) dreams. I guess this was one that stuck out.
The first thing I remember was going into this smaller type of sort of `home` restaurant (I guess..) and asking for a job. This woman (Maybe..) in her 50`s ish told me that there was already a dishwasher and didn`t need […]
i can’t seem to put into words exactly how i feel. I’m 26 and alone. Grade A (or F) loser. No car, job, friends. I have no drivers license. I’ve never had one. Had a girlfriend once. Only person I opened up to, but still withheld a lot. Wasn’t very ambitious in life. Don’t blame her for leaving me. Spent most of my life in a haze it seems. Ready to die may do it this weekend. Tried killing myself seven months ago by charcoal burning. Room got to hot and I blacked out woke up outside of hotel room. Felt stupid and even worse […]