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Getting older and growing bitter

by 10 Nil
written by 10 Nil

Reminiscing feels unhealthy. I am taxed with the question, “When will you settle down, get a wife, and have kids?”

I do not want kids… I do not want marriage. Why should I want these things when I do not believe in love anymore. The thought is beyond exhausting. I had always believed in giving someone all of my heart when in a “committed” relationship. Despite good intentions, best efforts, and more than several long term tries – it seems all I earned was heart ache;

• Incompatibility

• Incomprehension

• Infidelity

• Insincere Involvement

All that I am left with is • introspection… it must be me. My fault. It cannot be all of […]

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Feels like life is a joke

by JMS1982
written by JMS1982

Firstly, I cannot end it, no matter how much I’d like to – I have 2 kids who adore me, and it is entirely for them that I continue to breathe.

I just feel like my life from start to finish has been one endless joke, and I thought that maybe if I considered this statement more fully, I may begin to revise it. But no.

I look back on my childhood with little happiness – I was the gawky kid that everyone made fun of – I had severe acne, didn’t know how to make friends and didn’t do terribly well academically. Boys were not interested […]

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aug 9th

by thesilentday
written by thesilentday

August 9th 2013, 5:54pm. Devastion was on the rise. My father had died then from being in a coma from an overdose of drugs. Now almost 8 months later I am just done, I can’t be around any longer, I feel like when I’m in school everything we talk about is conected to my parents. My mom dosnt have that much money as an average person, we r not poor, but we do rent for like 700$ among the 4 of us and its a small space. My mom dosnt notice I’m depressed or strugle in school because I try my best for her. And […]

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Mind made up continued

by lostfather
written by lostfather

Well I have just a couple days left before I leave this place for good. I have arranged to see my two youngest daughters on this day so I can hold them in my arms one last time and tell them how much I love them. Nobody sees this coming and I am sure it will shock them all, but it will look like an accident as I have done my work. I have my notes wrote to my daughters and a will that is notarized leaving both my daughters everything. Life should not be this hard as I have contemplated this for years as […]

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So sad and empty

by e_m_P_t_y
written by e_m_P_t_y

I lost my mom (almost) 2 years ago and ever since then every thing about me has changed. I withdraw further and further in and have no interest in staying connected. I feel trapped… I have 4 kids and I couldn’t do that to them. I have thrown myself into my kids activities just to keep busy and my mind silent.

The busy schedule also helps me have an excuse to not hang out with friends. My family, friends and boyfriend think I have an aversion to fun now. It’s not that I do, it’s that I just don’t feel joy anymore. How am I supposed […]

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RIP

by dreamsinwhichimdying
written by dreamsinwhichimdying

I remember last December 26. My grandfather’s birthday is the 27th, so we were driving down to Pittsburgh to see him. I was texting this girl I liked, when out of the blue, she told me that our middle school art teacher’s wife had just found him hanging in his art studio. I immediately got my mom to turn around the car and go home. A year later, I still can’t believe he’s gone. He was the most wonderful man I ever had the privilege to know. I remember how, on the first day of class each year, he would do magic tricks for us. […]

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meaningless life of a mediocre mom

by dottie
written by dottie

I am only living because I have kids and I don’t want to hurt them. Everyone I have ever trusted has lied to me, abused me or left me. I used to be niave and full of hopes, forgiveness and stamina. The older my kids get, the closer I get to suicide. When they are on their own and they leave me, I will definitely choose an exit plan. Lately, I think I may not be able to wait. I am not talented or skilled in any area  even though I have tried many things. I’m best at loving others but no one values me […]

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Outcast

by Citadel7
written by Citadel7

I am a person with social anxiety disorder, and i easily fall into depression, its already confirmed that depression is an illness
and it should be threated and thankfully some people get that treatment they require, but for me, i don’t have friends and people that would help me with that, because i am plain unlucky
i preferred being alone, i barely knew what to say when people talk to me, since my childhood i spend most of my time alone. my parents were always arguing, they
didn’t get along with each other, my father was abusing my mother, and i had to see that, […]

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I want to be a kid again!!!!!

by gabreialla
written by gabreialla

I wish I could go back 11 years a go and be 5 years old again. I use just to play and not have any problems and in that time if I cries the reason will be my doll is broken or I was playing and I fall down even school we use to learn how to color and cut a picture and all our friends in 5 years old were the true because they were still young and they are not wild. we use to be scared of darkness and monsters but when we grew up when you there are many things that […]

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Trapped

by jlz1986
written by jlz1986

I want to be strong for my husband and my kids, but I don’t know how I can go on much longer.  I have been sick for 2 years now, and no one knows what’s wrong with me.  I’ve been in pain every day, and it’s making me a worse and worse person.  When my husband and I first met he was so in love with me, and now he can’t stand me.  He tells me that it’s not my fault and he loves me, but I can tell that he doesn’t.  I’m just a burden to him.  He won’t admit it but I can […]

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why do short and ugly people have kids?

by yellowflowercx34671
written by yellowflowercx34671

I am only 5’5″ tall, which is really short for an 18 yrs old male like me. Almost everyone, including girls that I would like to date are much taller than me. I am always ashamed when I am around people. People never take me seriously and I have been bullied and insulted because of my height many times. It amazes me to see that how many people are complete jackasses who judge people by their appearances. It is as if it is taught to them that short people aren’t people, they have no feelings, you can insult and bully them to for sick plesure […]

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parents wtf

by the enigma
written by the enigma

What is wrong with these people who bring kids into this world… reading some of these posts and seeing that many of us have to broadcast online for help or to express ourselves, when in actual fact they probably have family that can help and encourage… the worst and most painful thing ive been reading is when kids are telling their parents that they are depressed, and they respond in denial… yet when their kids do take their lives they play the guilt game and say if only I had known, wow I didnt understand they were in such deep pain. Oh if only I […]

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Wasting Away…

by capricious
written by capricious

Life is just not what everyone else makes it out to be. I can have a nice home, a decent job and people around me…. But I am never happy or satisfied. Meds bring 2 or 3 short months of false contentedness. Then its gone.

Maybe I should explain my whole story:
I was born to pretty young parents, had 2 younger brothers. My home always seemed tense, and that lead to a divorce when I was 6. We went to live wih my mom; she soon found a new boyfriend who was an abusive, angry person. He drank, would explode in rage and beat up […]

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I just need to tell someone

by notdepressed
written by notdepressed

I love my house.
I love my husband, and he loves me.
I love my two dogs, the one that cuddles and the one that listens.
I love my job. As a teacher there are so many rewards. The people I work with are amazing and skilled individuals.
I love my family. Supportive and there when you really need it, but they don’t holdit against you if you’re under a rock for a long time.
I love my roommate (in a platonic fashion) because he is a really great guy and a great helper around the house.
I love my friends, especially the “rediscovered” ones.

Sounds […]

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fade to black

by tphg
written by tphg

I downloaded Metallica’s Ride the Lightning album last night after falling in love with an 8-bit rendition that was posted to Youtube. While washing the dishes this morning before work, I put the album on and was immediately taken in by the energy that the wall to wall sound of early Metallica radiates. Great album top to bottom, but the standout track is Fade to Black. It’s not enough to read the lyrics; you have to go listen to the song and hear Hetfield crooning to really feel the weight of the words. He had this to say about recording the track:

“I wrote […]

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Cutting again.

by nosound
written by nosound

I cut again today. It was the first time I had in a while, for at least a month or two. I came home from a birthday dinner in a normal mood. I had somewhat attempted to make plans after the dinner but then decided it was too much effort to try and figure out what people were doing and I was kind of tired. I felt like people didn’t want me to hangout with them after, but I’m almost certain it was all in my head considering I didn’t put out very much effort and I’m also somewhat known as wanting to stay home […]

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soon…

by kateralia
written by kateralia

My original intention was to comment on someones post – suicide is not selfish. It is only viewed as selfish by those who are angry because you are nolonger there to be used & abused. That is how it will be for me.

In 1 week I will be homeless.  I really feel like I should give up right now. Everything has fallen apart, but replacements are falling into place. My ‘best friend’ whom I live with has replaced me with one of her friends & her 2 little kids. I have lost my sister to the clutches of my mother, so I am no longer […]

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Thought Log 10/20/2014

by argh
written by argh

Just an idea – I want to have a look at these later one day. Maybe writing things down will help.

 

Been up for about an hour and this is what’s crossed my mind thus far during the typical morning coffee.

– $1100 in checking and mortgage coming up. Might not make it again. Who won’t get paid so I can make the mortgage this time? Electric already called twice… Maybe cell phones?

– Need to get my W9 form in to the second job today.

– Grew up poor, wasn’t going to be poor when I got older, here I am. Good job.

– How sad – 30 years and […]

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