Im a femake,20yrs old ive tried to commit suicide all throughout my life since i was about 9 …growing up here i was made fun of for being fat and not speaking English….as a 9 yr old it sukd… i grew out of it n blended in a lil around jr high… but still i was made fun of for being fat… as i started highschool noone really cares about that anymore. .. but wen i was 16 i had my first bf .. he fuckd my hole wold up he would beat me… he would rape me… alot of times with his anger management […]
I can’t believe myself. 58 days I went without cutting. 58 days of suppressing the tears until i could lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep. 58 days of resisting the urges with all my will. did I cut when my ex yelled at me and told me he wished I would just fucking die? Did I cut when my uncle killed himself? Did I cut on any of those days when life was just too much for me to get out of bed, but I had to force myself to because if I didn’t who would take care of my brothers? […]
I wonder if the structure of “modern” psychiatric institutions differed from actuality would we have so much strife… what is normal what is abnormal
would people be stuck in jobs that they hate, in bodies that they hate… equating body to buildings, buildings to religion… once I was a wanderer, coming off of forcefully ingested psychiatric medication, not wishing to pollute the earth with a vehicle I walked across town in 100 degree weather and needed a drink of water. Pressed a button on a church’s intercom to ask if they had a water fountain. They said no. Which is a lie, but Christians aren’t supposed […]
Fuck it all.
I tried to make my friends understand what I go through,and the harsh reality hit me:I had no true friends.They were only using me while I was still usable and now that I am going through a hard time,all of them,absolutely all of them,dumped me.
I miss the days when I was together with my ex-girlfriend.We were both struggling with extreme suicidal thoughts and depression,among many other mental illnesses,and we were supporting each-other through this shit.I guess now that she got better she doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore.That’s good…It’s good…It’s all fucking good…Wish you fucking luck with that German guy you are […]
her name is called Love. She made me  feel normal and warm. Her son was called Hope. Love and Hope are gone. Cold black death made me evil and made me betray them. I am evil, i deserve to die, but death saves me for later. I cant cope. Life is a lie. please death,that made me evil, come kill me quick. (im going to probably kill myself soon). PS. i am not a nice person.
my parents have done so much for me
yet im failing all my subjects and im fat and i just feel so much burden. Everytime i think about one bad result, everything come crashing down and i think about my future and then dying and then i just wish somebody would kill me.
someone please kill me, ill pay you.
First of all… I’m not going to censor this. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND. I NEED SOMEONE. Listen. Please, just hear me out! I can’t take being ignored anymore! So please, please just see what I have to say! Your the lucky one…all of you who are not me…all of you who you don’t have to ask for your own mother’s affection. Those of you whose own sister isn’t always planning to bring you down. Those of you who’s father actually spends time and gives a fuck about you. Why can’t I be you..? You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not over social media […]
the music of doom always appears.
my heart outside my mouth and I can’t breathe.
and everything more tries to kill me.
no one hears when someone really dies.
I will forever walk in doom. my fate of infinite curse.
I can’t even feel the music that I listen to. Spirit of death, I am only an echo.
the maximum jewel evolution is inside the black beast.
I want to scream, so loud.
wishing I was alive in the first place.
Naruto wouldn’t have left me behind, I don’t think.
To the world. This light never made it through the tunnel.
Help me, to go die in peace. White Lighter, awaken.
Oracle. Save me or let […]
What did I do that was so bad to deserve this? Why do I have to feel miserable my whole life I can’t ever have any happiness. As soon as I thought I found Somone that really made me forget about all my problems. “Snap” it’s gone I’m accepting that fact that iv lived alone my show life so I’m going to die alone. That’s fine but I wish I can just die why do I have to go though hell my whole life and kill my self why can’t got just kill me already. Their is no plan for me things aren’t going to […]
ive been madly inlove with this boy for over a year now, we dated for 9 months, before i ruined everything. my parents were fighting so bad and it just seemed that since i thought they hated me, i thought everyone else did to, including my boyfriend at the time. it was summer, i would wear jumpers constantly. n one knew about my self harming, no one knew about the drug use. i hid it so well over a period of 9 months. my problems got […]
Hi, I guess. I’ve been browsing this site for about two days to see what it was all about. I discovered it while being extremely upset Sunday afternoon, and well… I guess I decided to post here. I really need help… This is very long by the way I’m sorry.
I feel stupid for even feeling depressed and suicidal. It’s not new, I’ve been like this for a while now. At least a year. Before I tell what tipped me off, I guess I’ll give some background… I’m so sorry for bothering everyone on here I needed to get this out.
In seventh grade I […]
I never knew about this website, but I’m glad that I came across it. The thoughts in my head have been getting worse and worse, but I keep trying to push through. Sometimes, it’s just easier to think “what would it be like if I were dead?” It all stared when I was just 11 years old. Here I am, 21 years old, and still fighting. When I was 11, life literally SUCKED. I attended a private school, and it’s true, the kids who go to school there are complete and total BITCHES. Just in 6th grade, I was bullied non stop. I was told […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
“Why me?”
“Why do I have to live with this pain? (mentally)”
“Why can’t I smile like everyone else”
“Why can’t I be happy?”
“Can I please die?”
My depression started in September 2012. When I applied for university in 2011, I got rejected which I didn’t mind first time round. Later on the year, I applied again in 2012, guess what, I got rejected. That’s when my depression started. I just can’t deal with rejections. My “friends” are busy with their university friends and their new life whereas I, stuck at home, hoping to go university. I have tried applying for jobs but no result. Any way, I applied […]
I’ve come to accept all this. It’s going to kill me, but I’ve accepted it. It’s just always going to be a part of my life. No running from it. Can’t get rid of it. Just have to deal with it until it’s over.
All of this stuff that they say I have to look forward to, this amazing life that they say I’ll have. But the way I feel will never change. It’s bullshit, I’ll always be fat and vile. No one will want me. I’ll never be happy and smiling at festivals surrounded by people who want the best for me. I’ll always be in my room depressed and waiting for it all to change – to end. Curtains closed, hidden under the covers. It’s never going to happen. So what is the point. For someone who craves death so much yes I’ll admit I am scared. […]
May 19, 2014
Listen Up Dumbfucks:
Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like everyone of you “sane” people.
I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V., radio or MySpace. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained […]
Words mean nothing anymore
I guess I’m done with this war
realised there is no point anymore
Dear burning sensation in my heart
you fade with my emotions while we part
I just can’t save this
you caught me in this abyss
Drag me down dear agony
it’s what you do
burn me to the bone dear sorrow
where did you go, my new tomorrow
I see you death as you draw me near and haunt
my soul at night, the way you like to […]
Hi
I was going to wait to commit suicide until I am kicked out of my flat in a few years, but my depression is so bad, I am so lonely I just want to die now.
I was going to postpone it because my Dad died this year and my death in the same year would be worse for my family than waiting a few years.
I don’t get on with my family, they bullied me and my parents stunted my growth.
I know I am an adult now, but imagine those people who are malnourished as kids who never grow beyond a certain height, well thats […]