The last time and post from me was in July last year I believe. I want all of you to know that I got through everything, I have even lost track of the last time I self-harmed. I don’t have nay urges or necessities to self-harm and it’s great. I have fallen in some bad places since July, and I mean BAD, but my point is that I got through them, I’m currently getting through and when they’re over, I’m just going to feel free once more. So, just take it from me, love yourself, help yourself, and BELIEVE in yourself.
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last
I think last year was probably the worst year of my life. Although in retrospect maybe that was a good thing, since it forced me to make some changes in my thinking and perception and personal philosophy that ultimately have led to a much more satisfying and content existence. Sometimes its only when things get to their worst and a situation becomes intolerable that you actually find the motivation to make changes. A couple years ago I came to the realization that I was pretty much bored with everything and that I didn’t really care about anything. I took this boredom and apathy and convinced […]
To be fair I hate my self just as much as you hate me… I don’t need a fucking reminder of why I disappoint everyone and why I am nothing but trash… Treat me like the most vile disgusting creature on the face of this universe because I have no soul left. You’ve taken the last little but I didn’t even know I had… FUCK YOU!!!!
FUCK ALL OF YOU!
Hello to all out there who are reading this. I have decided to post here my last thoughts. I had hoped things would get better, maybe even easier given time and space, but I unfortunately grow increasingly tired and weary of this world and path that I have found myself walking down. I guess I should write this all in a note for my loved ones to see, but I dont want them to see this side of me. I do not intend on leaving a note at all. I know what I plan to do is going to hurt many people, but why must […]
It cracked like porcelain along the edges of her mind,the crack echoed across the land, the force of of it alone split the mast and sent it careening to the side. Where the tattered and frayed sail touched,it prompted the sea water to shoot into the sky to rain down upon her.
Not even the birds were present this day. The porcelain cracked sky cascaded down in a shower of rainbow fleck chips.
It was all falling apart.
The sun could no longer support its own weight and like a man who was destined to drowned it sank below the earth never to be seen again.
The moon did […]
Tonight is bad. Bad day at work. When my shift ended, I ran out of there on the dot. I can’t stand the job from the company to the day to day work. The managers are okay until they say one thing, then say the opposite. Makes me crazy. So, I was pushed to the edge tonight. I distracted myself with reading. I ate ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza. It felt good for like two minutes. Then nothing. No good feelings. I took the slow spiral dissent into my deep, dark feelings of waning to die. Just wanting this madness to end! Can’t get a […]
It is too easy for people you love to drift away from you. With all the “I can’t make it” texts and “sorry I couldn’t come over last night” voicemails I feel lil we are losing touch with people more and more these days. Most days my only human interaction besides the norm at home is with the jackasses at my work.
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
my past is bad i was sexually abused and beat. My real dad died when i was two of a car wreck.Ive attempted suicide three times in my life and the last time i almost ended it. I still self harm and its how i cope with all the things that i go through.
So I went to a shrink today and he asked me about my dating history and said that being alone may cause loneliness. No shit, Sherlock.
I’ve been single for two and a half years, but I had trust issues before the last girl I dated and she turned out to be a cheating whore. You can’t blame me for refusing to trust anyone. The shrink said my sense of self worth would probably be better if I started dating, but I’m uglier than a Chinese Crested and I have no social skills. It’s not like I’m incapable of being alone, I’m pretty fucking good at […]
i hate this
i hate not being able to do it
i hate feeling my limbs shake and spasm and still having enough strength to stand
i like the release of blacking out but i hate not being able to breathe
last push coming soon
ready for this
hoping when i pull the plug i’ll just swirl away down the drain
Yes, I still think about you every day. Yes, I’m kind of masochistic.
It’s been almost a year from the last mail. Maybe four years from the last time I saw you.
I feel stupid. A little girl who can’t live without daddy. A kid who cries because daddy doesn’t love her.
Even if you caused me so much pain. Even if I remember all that fear I felt when you came home. And all those times you hurt me. Physically and psychologically.
I can’t help it. I still love you. I still wonder what you must be doing, if you’re sad, if you eat ok, […]
He was beginning to realise that things were out of his control, always had been and always will be. He had made so many plans for the future, seemingly carved in stone. But really he was a child drawing in the sand with a stick, his ideas, his hopes and his dreams were always going to be washed away by the tide.
His body was a road map of scars, but he had no idea where they’d lead him. Each one told a different story, some told multiple versions of the same story and some refused to utter their secrets. His arms were so heavily slashed […]
Mama said to hold on to the most basic emotion, love
Love, failed me over and over as I bled from all the cuts,
Cuts, done by unseen sharps as she again let me down,
Down, further in hole than the last one,
I can not be undone, but I am broken,
And none see those hopeless moments
They see the iron-will in me and its all false
In the end it shows, they see as I rot
Can’t hold on for long, I tried
Play the song “When I’m gone” when I’m gone
I am 17 and have been suicidal from the age of 11. And I am just going to say that all of you need to stay strong. No matter what happends either talk to someone about it or just try to forget about it. I‘ve tried commiting suicide 4 times.
And to be honest I am tired too, I want to kill myself every day. I might have friends but they have enough of problems without even dealing with me. My boyfriend barely talks to me anymore after I told him about everything.
My parents don’t give a shit about me and my siblings have enough of problems.
I […]
I took the biggest leap in attempting to exit last night and it failed… obviously. So many things could have gone wrong or the helium wasn’t as pure as I was led to believe, but once I put the bag on, I was so sure I’d be a goner. Two days prior and I failed hanging myself nearly 30 different times/positions. I am in a state of regrouping as I will try until success… I can almost see my last resort being to fully hang myself (full suspension bs my failed partial suspension) but not until I try once more with the helium… and not […]
They’re out again tonight.
Not that I asked to know what they’re doing, they still think it’s okay to tell me. Show me the life I walked out of. And maybe it is for some people, maybe some people can handle seeing what they lost.
I’d be with them if I was still there.
Or would I?
Long ago, when we first met I’d be with them. Then everything went downhill. Bits of me began to fall off the faster I went.
I’m not feeling particularly anything recently, I just feel dead. If that’s even a thing. If death could be felt. The absence of everything. The absence of caring. […]
standing at the bus stop and a guy pulled over and gave me his number… just a little perk that made me smile today.
its the little things that pull you through.
Shame its effect didn’t last long before the thoughts came back…
i realized i am not alone with my slightly suicidal feelings, loneliness, and sadness. If worst comes to worst and there is no afterlife, at least there is peace at the end right? And if there is a heaven, I think God would open his arms after us suffering so greatly. its rough, but hey, thats the truth. last year i dealt with some pretty rough stuff, and i hope it may get better. I learned alot about my illness, and realize there are many others out there with things, and are too poor to have them fixed. i feel better than i did last […]
you. You think I’m fine. You think I’m happy. You see me smiling, But have you ever noticed that it never reaches my eyes? Don’t fucking tell me how much you care about me. You’ll be gone by morning. That’s fine. I don’t expect to be anything more than a quick lay. I don’t expect to mean anything to you. What you don’t see is that I’ve fucking lost it. I’m clinging to reality with all that I have, But my mind is so far gone. You couldn’t possibly imagine the things that I see when I close my eyes. You would run the other […]