I want to die. Everyday, the people closest to me convince me that im worthless and I can never do anything right. Today was the closest I’ve been to killing myself. About to step off and hang from the rope in my basement, I couldn’t commit. I don’t have the guts to end my suffering and save everyone from the troubles of dealing with my now hollow, angry, and hopeless persona. I dont remember the last time I was happy, I can’t even laugh anymore. I keep trying to end my sadness, however in vain my attempts. I know I will meet my end soon. […]
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last
I should be dead by now. But I’m not. Why? Because of him. One person. There are so many people in the world and he had to come into my life. I cannot understand what he saw in me and what he apparently still sees in me. I love so many other people but I was willing to leave it all behind because I just couldn’t be happy anymore, but now I am. I haven’t been in love in years. I fell in love with him as quickly as I made the decision to end my life. I don’t get why this happened. I don’t get it.
I […]
All I do is hurt people and ruin my relationships. I’m a god awful person who just fucks up everything. I hurt everyone. I judge like I’m better. I wish I had the strength to pull the trigger last year
But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to your head… And would anything matter if you’re already dead?
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained… And in saying you loved me, made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing as your body remains,
and there’s no room in this hell, there’s no room in the next, and our memories defeat us, and I’ll end this direst.
It has been hard to go to work the last couple weeks. I love my job and am good at it….it is just in the psychiatric hospital and I wonder sometimes if I should be the one in the padded room instead. Oh my life is so contradictory.
Right now, as I write this, I am in my room. Alone.
It is dark around me and only the light of my computer’s screen is giving me some artificial clarity. But I don’t complain. It is better this way. It is… Perfect for what I am about to do.
In front of me, in my desk, there are several pills and a bottle of water.
I am about to feel true control for the first time in my life and then…
Then…
It will be the last thing I will ever feel.
Hello guys am 20 years old am here cause I don’t have anyone else to talk to been with my girlfriend for 4 years i I can honestly say she was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and we been broke up the last week it was the most hardest thing that I ever experienced I drunk ever day since it happened just so I can sleep at night plus I’ve only eating twice since it I actually don’t want a life without her yous might just think am goin thought a breakup am not I’ve experienced them before but nothing like this […]
I can’t go on. I just spent the last hour trying to find something to bring me happiness to snap out of this and I can’t find any reason worth carrying on for. Everything I used to know is pretty much gone or changed. My stomach is killing me and I am numb. I look at dieing as almost a good way to be able to end this stress and pain that never goes away. It is sad, but true.
It’s funny how people say they want to help but they don’t. It’s funny how death is a last resort and people always think you’re crazy. It’s crazy that I just drank 6 Liters of water in two hours last night and I’m still alive. Death, find me as soon as you can. If not, I’ll come looking for you again tonight.
So recently I met someone. were officially dating and well its nice. He calms me and keeps me grounded, but i still feel like I’m going to drown, part of me feels as if i have to go, as if even if things get better, my mind and soul has chosen, and that my year is almost up. I haven’t shared with him my plans to go, i doubt i ever will. I hate how everyone thinks that he has managed to fix me already, i seriously don’t see how you can fix me. You cant fix monsters.
anyway, here’s a short story since i haven’t […]
I just dont understand, its not that i dont want to, or dont have the will, but, i just want to stay and its so hard… I’m sorry of this is how you guys feel, i really am. I can’t help myself, i can’t save you, i just, well, i cant do anything. I can’t imagine going on like this, not without Makaila, she was my best friend, she was my anchor, she was my everything, but she had to leave us, not on her own choice, she had gotten in a car accident, a little over a month ago, and was dead on […]
Woke up today and sobbed into my pillow. My son came to see me. He made me feel somewhat better. He should not be the one to wipe away my tears. Not these tears. Not for this reason. I hate feeling this way every day. I cried out for relief. I finally made myself go out, again. I went out to see friends. It took me several hours. I am cheating everyone I interact with and myself when I feel this way. I feel better now, but what a waste. I can’t stand to live this way. I can picture myself completing this. I have wanted […]
Nothing works. medication after medication each one with worse side effects, more medication to deal with those side effects, I’m getting more and more sick and the doctors do fuck all. I’m so pissed off with everything I can’t even put it into words. I’ve got worse and worse, I’m less independent and worse off than I was at 16. Ten years of shite. I stopped taking all meds last night, I give up, I won’t do this anymore. I want to feel alive one last time before I end it all. But before I go, there will be retribution. Those who wronged me are […]
I am too fucking old to go through losing my home and going down the ghetto life’s road with welfare, being homeless and all that shit. I’ve done this too many times. In the last week I’ve lost my job of over ten years, crashed my car and lost my medical insurance. Believe it or not the loss of medical coverage is the most devastating. COBRA costs almost $1000 a month to continue my coverage – not a viable option without a job. So now I sit, waiting for my medications to run out and decisions on unemployment insurance, O’ Blotto Care and the like. […]
Hello all,
This is not a suicide note. Nor is it a plea for help, understanding, and it’s definitely not intended to try and scour out techniques and methods for end of life. I know what I’m prepared to do (helium exit bag seems to be the winning candidate so far) and I’ve set a date for December 1st. I did this because what little hope I have left (eroding by the minute – literally), things might (but probably wont – story of my life) turn around.
I joined this board because for years I’ve been thinking of ending my life. I’m a complete and total failure and […]
I’m new and don’t really know how to do this so I’ll just keep it simple.
I have been battling the devil known as ‘chronic major depression’ since high school (I am now 22), social anxiety, and eating disorders. Last year I was at my lowest. Almost put a gun to my head twice before I scared myself and decided to try some help. I saw a counselor for maybe two weeks before I gave up going cause she didn’t seem professional, I was being a huge burden to my parents with the money and the worry, and she made me stay away when she […]
I posted this question long ago and eventually deleted it.
So, what is the last song you’re planning to listen to before you die? Or, if you have a playlist feel free to share.
I’m just sick of this life. I don’t want to go to school and get bullied everyday, I don’t want to be poor anymore, I don’t want so many things to happen… But they do.
Cause this is life. Life sucks. Maybe not everybody is meant to wait for their ending, maybe some of us need to take care of that earlier. Which I’ll do.
Some background info. I’m 15, bad looking, anorexic (92 pounds) and poor. Been bullied last year of school in 9th grade and dropped out of school because I couldn’t stand it anymore… Now I’m into one of the worst high schools in […]
I imagine my story is a lot like everyone else’s. Crud family & upbringing, string of abusive men, over achieving intellectual, unemployed, getting older, desperate to be normal & fit in. All I’ve ever got right is my two boys. My life shouldn’t cause suicidal thoughts, but last night I tried again. Obviously didn’t work. Ex saved me. I just see no point to my existence…at all.
I assemble pieces of me life together every morning. Pieces that are so fragile I’m afraid they won’t last for long. They don’t even fit well anymore. There are so many pieces missing,lost some where along the way.
I go through life carefully trying to keep the pieces together.
And every night as I get home the pieces silently fall apart. Maybe tomorrow there will be no more pieces left to assmble.