Let me start off with the basics . I’m 13 almost 14 . I have 3 brothers ( my older brother is my half brother ) I’m the only girl . My dad wishes he never had my brothers and I , and his life would be so much better if we weren’t in it . He was an alcoholic and a drug user before he had us . He did a lot . Him and my mother were together for 17 year and are in the process of spilling up . My mother has walked in and out of our lives for the past […]
I want to end this
i want to suicide so bad
but apparently i cant
i just cant
Just because of
Christianity
They say you’ll go to hell
Thats just so stupid
why cant we end our life
its ours
The police puts u into a
mental hospital if they catch u
trying to attempt suicide
well maybe o shouldnt be afraid
this might be the last thing i write
so
im not scared anymore
so bye
I have been unable to get out of my house for three months now, lethargic and just very miserable, but today was different, finally. Ive just upped my medication and i feel so much more energetic i have walked outside in the sun all day long and i dont feel like a fat fuck for once. Im determined to drop all the weight ive put on these last months… hopefully this day is going to be the first of many good ones…little panda drawing i did to up yalls mood…lets stay positive for once!
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My mother’s schizo finally did it, she can’t work anymore, still doesn’t admit she needs treatment, I don’t know if she’s taking her meds but knowing her it’s the last thing she’ll do, it’s way too nice to make my life even more of a hell. I can’t earn more, I can’t get a better job, or I can’t get a second job, whether she accepts it or not. Nobody understands me. I don’t, either. Why do I still care who’s gonna take care of her when I’m dead, I don’t know! I definitely don’t want to do anything for her anymore. Yet I still […]
What do you really care for me bastard? You spend your whole lunch hour speaking to your ex. I bet you never called her an ugly slut bastard. I bet you didn’t come home and belittle her bastard. What am I to you bastard? A means to live and eat until your compensation comes through bastard? Did you ever flick ciggerettes at her bastard? Did you ever pour beer on her head bastard? I’ll show you and your ex bastard! I can’t legally get you to leave the house bastard but once you open that bedroom door this afternoon and find my pale body hanging […]
I’m currently stuck in another country that is not mine. Initially didn’t want to go on this trip as I am having depression. But I didn’t want to let friend A go alone with a group of people that he wants close to. However, depression strikes and I just couldn’t take it. Last night, I spent quite some time in the toilet crying about it and he couldn’t understand hence he didn’t do anything. Today, I found out that friend B told this friend A to totally ignore me. I’m currently out of the hotel room with nothing but a phone. No passport to rent […]
I don’t form connections with people easily and when it rarely happens the other person runs a mile because I don’t deal well with it. But this time with this one person she didn’t turn her back on me. She listens to what I say for the most part, doesn’t just ignore me like everyone else did and makes me feel like I exist and matter.
I haven’t been coping very well with living lately. We work together in a high pressure environment which has me stressed out for most of time. And the past few days we’ve been arguing which I NEVER do with anyone. […]
I keep waking up. I woke up in a pool of blood that one night, a month ago. I woke up. 80 ounces of the hardest alcohol I can afford, twenty cuts later, and I still wake up. I’ve overdosed so many times, on pills and booze it’s like my tolerance is way too high now. I wake up every time. Even as a kid, I’d try at least once a week. I’d wake up every time. A whole bottle gone, and I would still just wake up.
I’m scared, because every time I try to finally die, it just does not happen. I’m scared because when I get these last […]
Hello, my name’s Olivia. Now this post might be long and sad but I will guarantee every individual who comes across it that it is the sad truth.
Now, for starters, I’m not here looking for answers, I’m here with more of a purpose to write a simple blog until my final days. I’d always envisioned that my last days would be spent alone in my room with nothing but my laptop writing away my last thoughts and feelings. And well, look where I’ve ended up, so in the long run, I can’t say it was all that bad 🙂
This is open to the public so […]
It has no title cause I can’t think of one. Here it is.
I tried to figure out
Why my heart is full of doubt
Once I felt love, then I was betrayed
Felt life crumble, and begin to fade
Paranoid, my mind filled with lies
who I am I began to despise
so I took myself and I hurled
my heart to the ground, and shattered my world
I became nothing, no love, no pain
Just held razor blades to my vein
I cut deeper and deeper, just to feel
till pain and pleasure became real
but got carried away, and cut too deep
at last my friends, I can sleep
I don’t particularly like to sleep. Slept 7 hours last night, better than most nights. Guess I’m happy about that but my body is achey and tired and i want to stay in bed forever. Getting out of bed is the hardest thing in the world lately. just a few weeks of not getting up on time, not starting my day. My therapist tells me to be proud of myself for getting to work at all. I want to be, I do.
I don’t know what I want. Life doesn’t really seem to have a point. The last few years I’ve been operating on the idea […]
There is three types of idiots in this world: Idiots who do evil because they like seeing you suffer or because they want to show off in front of their “friends”. Then there is those who don’t care about the consequences of their actions; they don’t intentionally hurt you but if through any of their actions you take damage they don’t give a single fuck – aka “Don’t get in my way.” The last type are the ones who don’t understand or know about the consequences of their actions, either because they are too dumb to figure it out or because they just haven’t realized […]
I am not mad but wish I was. So sick of taking shit from people and in the moment I feel so strong and empowered I give them hell. Ha, then a day later I feel awful even if I wasn’t wrong and I have this sick need to try and repair everything at all costs. I wish I could have faith in my abilities and when I make a choice in regards to my self respect that I would honor it. I am all over the damn place with the only constant being thoughts and methods if death. Started as young as I can […]
I have no idea why I feel so down all the time, why? My mum used to say when I was upset it was my age between 12 and 16 now I am 18 and I can’t seem to get out of this constant feeling of depression. I have attempted suicide in silly ways that didn’t even come close to working.. Then I for a while used to cut myself but in all honesty I think that was just a cry for help hoping somebody would notice as I was to scared to open up about my feelings to anyone. From when I turned 16 […]
Hey…I don’t think I ever mentioned this on this website,so here we go: I have a band.I am a musician.Yep,yep,I know that I am a schizoid idiot with anger management issues,but hey,that doesn’t stop me from singing,right?
Anyway,we’re approaching the completion of our last song and the release of our first album.Working on this album was the only thing keeping me motivated to hold on a little longer for the last 3 months.So yeah,after the album is released,I think I’ll just hang myself.
I only posted this so I could say goodbye to anyone…You see,I got no one.No (caring) family,no friends…no one…So I thought I might say […]
Slept for 9 hours last night but I wake up feeling less happier than yesterday. I don’t know how many times I woke up in the middle but should be plenty. I feel less happier, less motivated than yesterday. How I can be happy one day and suicidal the next I don’t understand.
Well insomnia is not the cause for my state but only a symptom. The actual reason I suspect is some kind of digestive illness. I’ve lost a bit of weight. I have had horrible reflux since 3 years. Celiac/Crohn’s/GERD I don’t know what it is but I’m tired of stressing over finding out […]
Is it wrong, should I push through this and give my baby a chance at life even though he wont ever know his real mommy? Baby isnt viable yet not that it makes me feel any better…I just cant last through the rest of my pregnancy.
Every day is harder to live..I already have everything ready for me to go..the dad couldnt care less about me, but claims to want the baby even though initially he told me to abort it. I cant leave the baby alone with him when Im gone, hes an addict and his new girlfriend hates me and will hate my […]
So there I was. Laying in the cold water in the tub holding my arm. So many cuts, but none of course would have do exactly what I wanted. Yes, I’m talking about me dying. My thoughts on just laying there bleeding out came across my mind a lot. It wasn’t how I wanted it. I wanted to go fast and simple. Never knew how I would do it exactly. As more and more tears ran down my face the sickening feeling I kept getting in my stomach. So I attempted to drown myself, yes it sounds silly. I laid under the water still surprisingly […]
First off I want to say thank you for all the people or most of the people who could understand and took time to be with me last night. I felt good when I was close to leaving that you people really cared even though you don’t know me. So thank you for that. And for that one person who was rude and inconsiderate please don’t comment. But I am going to stay positive.
So as you all know I hit rock bottom last night and couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t take living anymore. So I acted. Not like other times where I was […]
So check this out..
When my ex left me, I was in pretty poor shape, still kinda am. Long story short..my neighbor had just broke up with his lady an she came to me crying about everything. At the time I felt like I couldn’t relate more with her and what she was going through at that time. I kinda thought we would be able to help each other through this. We exchanged numbers and all. Well I’ve text her back an forth here and there. The last text I sent was inviting her to breakfast, I just wanted to talk and get to know […]