Once again, I considered leaving all behind,
but I can’t, it’s the only hope I have.
And the sun comes out and there’s pain in every single choice,
the moon brings another reason to hold on.
There are some times that I even pray,
asking not to die like this.
I’m think I’m gonna fail,
Feel like it’s getting to an end.
They all seem to know who
I am supposed to be, not
So clear is it to me
How easily I fell, grasping
On to rancid ideals, leaving
Just whisps of my self. Believing
Their foolish words, imposed, freakish tones
Opened me up to the bones that bore Truth,
And that All, allowing me to be
So grim. Were the lessons learned?
Nothing left but to give thanks
For a life I could not live with
My self in their world, or any.
I’m sorry.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with bad depression and anxiety. I cut myself often and have been suffering from insomnia recently. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I would be leaving behind the best boyfriend I could ever hope for.
I haven’t been able to discuss these issues with my mother because she doesn’t believe in depression. She thinks people with depression are just weak-minded. She doesn’t even know that I’ve been diagnosed with depression.
She treats me like shit, and gets frustrated when I lock myself away. The suicidal thoughts are getting worse, and I’m getting scared.
What do I do?
I mean, how do they help. I already know what’s wrong and I can’t fix it. I’ve been twice. I cancelled yesterday’s appointment because I don’t see the point. I’m a private person, whining to this yahoo ain’t helping anything, just let’s another judge me. I’m very close to leaving, I’m having the same feeling you get on your last day on the job, the last day of school. I’m done. There will be another failure and that’ll be enough to push the first domino.
Why the fuck do I NEED therapy. It won’t fix anything.
I’ve never really liked going away from home. I used to be okay with it though. These past couple of years everything has changed. It started off with being unable to leave for a week. Then two nights. Then one. Now, even a full day trip causes anxiety. I’ve determined it’s not that I’m attached to anyone at my home, it’s my home itself. I am, however, going to college in 2 years. I’m scared as fuck. I’m really smart, and I have the grades to go anywhere. I’m afraid that my emotional problems will hold me back, leaving me unable to go anywhere but […]
People always say ‘ there are reasons for being alive, stay here, we need you’ yeah, you need me do you? Well tell that to me the next time you ditch me for someone better. Everyone is better than me. I don’t see the point of being here; I don’t think there is one. I self harm. People tell me to stop but others tell me to keep going. But I have made up my mind. I’m leaving, no one needs me nor do they want me . My own mother has disowned me. She says it’s my falut my sister is dead. She says […]
Our Father in Heaven, blessed be Your Name. We thank you for the grace You’ve given us, for blessings everyday that we’re alive. We’re grateful for Your guidance and the plans You’ve planned for us. Your plans are perfect and you have shaped us to be this way.
As as much as I appreciate Your Love, my Father, I am afraid I am not worth much. Forgive me for my sins. This servant of yours is not holy and is not worth Your Presence. But again, it’s by Your divine love that You’ve picked us up again and again, never leaving our side. Thank you for […]
And to think that I actually believed you.
You said you wanted me, just me. Now you’re changing, and you no longer want me anymore. Yeah. Leave me. From the beginning, I’ve never left you at all. If I do so it must be because you’re busy. Or I need time alone. You left me. You said I will leave, but now you’re the one leaving. Yeah go on. I like how you lie. Yeah. Go on. Pain is addictive. Hurt me more if you can. In this relationship I’ve never pretended before. I sincerely love you with all my heart. Hah. Who knows, […]
Today, was really down, more then usual, so I had taken a pain pill. And I was thinking during the last period of the day that I was going to home and overdose on pain pills. My friend had asked me why I was so quiet, so I told her, and she told me a lot of people would miss me. I told her I didn’t believe her, she told me to go ask my Mentor, Ms. M if she would miss me. So I did. She told me she would be sad and mad. And that she would miss me. She gave me a […]
that’s basically why I’m here.
I’ve never really had many friends, even at school there was three girls in my primary class. We all got along okay i suppose but we didn’t have any long lasting friendships. When I came to secondary I made a few friends here and there mostly following my cousin about and tricked myself into ‘thinking’ i was one of her group’s members. Now i have one friend. This isn’t a post about how since i have one friend that i think i ahould commit suicide.. i’m just saying that one girl is the closest friend i have, we talk everyday yet […]
It never fails to get me. The feeling of guilt. I run, leaving those lonely ones behind. I just don’t wanna be a witness to seeing them so miserable. I know they need me, but I don’t know what I can do. So I run, hoping for a temporary cure to these feelings. But then guilt comes up, and stabs you through your heart, “Why did you run? Why did you leave them alone? How could you!? You’re so selfish.”
Hi people.
It’s great to know that there are people that feel just as shitty as I do. I have a more personal blog where I rant about how I keep delaying “The Grand Event” and how there is always some tad of hope I have in humanity. Life,though always makes me regret even being conceived to begin with. I’ve been looking for a method to leave fast and painless I cut,but I’m not cutting to deep.
I know you understand me.Being a 20 year old female, South African.I don’t have much support of this side.My only way is out.
Here is one of my blog entries in […]
On my way to hell…I passed a lonely church.. the congregation weakened by the warnings of the words.. scriptures toppling proverbs under a deceitful preacher’s curse.. what would they have to say, as they lay me into dirt… many places you can turn but where he goes is worse… don’t be this man you see inside, instead we close the box for good..lay it down to rest, pave it over as we should..
no need for leaving markers we seek to find one day.. if you listen hard enough, you can hear a dead man say.. heaven never had me, and claims of shallow graves.. […]
The landscape was dry and dead. The roses that had grown in giant bushels were wilting and grey…the bee’s, once so full of life and sound, were silent and still…as were the other animals. The babbling brook that normally sang its cheerful melody in its beautiful voice had disappeared…leaving behind a trench of much and slime. The grass had turned brown from lack of rain and sunlight. The sky was over cased and dark, not one ray of sun had a hope of peeking through the dense clouds. The air was thick and hard to breath, it felt like it clung to your insides after […]
Society doesn’t want me around, much less do a damned thing to help me. But it will pull out all the fucking stops to keep me from leaving. Like an abusive husband who hates me but won’t let me divorce.
I am going to make an attempt soon (next six months to a few years, depending on how my plans work out). The only thing I fear now is failing and surviving with serious injury that preclude retries.
I am OK with leaving. Society isn’t. I must find a way to disobey society and leave. People have generally told me that I am intelligent. Well now, all […]
this house is just terrible, and there’s screaming and tension and she’s leaving cause i’m worthless
but anyway for the FIRST TIME
i don’t care. and i think i believe in a future without this
we’ll see.
I am at this very moment, suicidal. I have no real support and have found myself here, with all of you. My husband, whom I love more than almost anything has just said to me that he has met someone online while out of town for work, and that he doesn’t want me anymore. This isn’t the first time he’s said he doesn’t want me anymore. Over the last six years, he has put me down, left me, hurt me and destroyed my being. I can honestly tell you in this moment that if I didn’t have children, I wouldn’t be here writing, I’d be […]
So I’m new on here, but Weirdly enough I find it easier to vent to people I dont know rather than people I do know. I guess cause usually the people I do know end up judging me and leaving. Surprise, surprise.
So my family is really messed up, and I’ve been self harming for almost 2 years now. I’ve attempted suicide 9 times and, well, obviously, got nowhere with that. I’m also anorexic.
I just feel like I’m in a fish tank. I can’t move, can’t breathe, and no one can hear or understand me. I’m trapped in my own emotions and hurt. And day by […]
Snuggle up with me here on this thread of amazing wonders!
Tell me moments where you needed a hug the most, and let me know who you would like to hug next. I’m crying as I type this, I’m crying with happiness. I love each and every one of you. You all give me lots of hope, and now I want to listen to all of your problems. It’s my way of saying, “Thanks for tolerating me!” (^^)
(I’m not leaving this forum. Not unless the administrator […]
So so tired. So rageful. It’s weird holding both of these inside of myself. Fog and anger. Wish I could…wish I could.
Suicide of sacrifice. Leaving so you can LIVE. Really live. How is this selfish? My one and only goal is that you are happy. If you never knew me you would have already achieved this, but I’m a huge road block. I yell, scream, fog my way into your life and fuck it up. I WISH you could see this. I wish you would yell back at me. I wish you would leave me so I could die without guilt. My depths are anger…thick, […]
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