My arms are so cut up right now that there is no room left to leave more gashes. I guess I will start on my legs. It doesn’t hurt and I’m beginning to feel really dizzy. Dizzy dizzy dizzy.
Tag:
Legs
I was told by so many different people that I should kill myself. I’ve been told it since I was little. My dad, kids at school, my friend’s mom, people online I tried to open up to. I’ve been told indirectly that because I’m gay I should kill myself and burn in hell. I’ve been told that everyone hates me. People accuse me of lying for attention when I reveal that I was raped when I was six. I’m an idiot. I always say and do things to make people annoyed with me and hate me. I know they’d all be happier if they didn’t […]
The trigger – my long-term partner ending things. Not a unique trigger and millions go through this each year. So I’m told, so I tell myself. They can get through it, why can’t I? Slowly but perceptibly I feel myself going down and further down. My thoughts are racing, are dead, I have no idea what I’m doing. I can’t eat and can sleep only with sleeping pills. I begin cutting myself and have NO IDEA where that came from. Cuts all over my arms, then my legs. Sleeves cover it all. Random thoughts of suicide pop into my mind until one day at work […]
It’s the loss of control
No, it isn’t giving up your motor functions. You can move, you can talk and you can open and close your eyes; but open eyes see a hostile world that tolerates its own crumbling demise, but not yours, and closed eyes see the slanted razor you most certainly think will take the pain away. Move, if you wish, but wherever your legs carry you, your shame and guilt, your self condemnation will follow at your heels, eating away at your resolve and desire. Speak, my friend. Speak, but only what they want, because anything but is a pretension of higher knowledge […]
This is suppose to be over 30 days, but I’ll probably forget about it if I do that, so I’ll do it all now. To be honest, I don’t cut anymore, but I still thought it would be useful to do.
1. How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.
On and off for around three years. The first time I started when my brother tried to commit suicide and all the stress from that.
2. What part of your body is most affected by it?
Legs, breasts, back, you know, all the places that are easy to hide the scars
3. What […]
I’m standing up on the plane in the half stance one does as they wait for the aisles to clear. I have to stand like this, instead of sitting and waiting for my turn to depart my aisle, because I have to let the people behind me know that there’s a goddam order to things and they are not allowed to step ahead of me in that order. A few aisles ahead of me is the tight-faced humorless broad, on the flight with two kids and a frowning middle aged sap. She keeps readjusting her hair on top of her head in the sloppy fashion […]
I was looking through my deviantart today and saw some old poetry I had worked on up to three years ago and realised that so much has changed, but at the same time, nothing had. I decided to put it here because I’d like to have it in one spot to look back on and remember how far I have come and it just feels right (probably sounds weird). They are in alphabetical order, not chronological and not all of them are suicidal as such (most were written before I realised what it was like to be suicidal), but they all are from the heart […]
As you can tell by my new post I didn’t hang myself!! I went and talked to my aunt and she is going to help out. My son and I will be moving into her garage apartment this weekend which is a huge help because she is only going to charge me $200 a month for rent and food! She called her church and tonight I got a huge bag of clothes for Broox!!! Little man is styling in his new batman pjs as we speak.
As I’m writing this Broox is laying beside me sleeping with his little legs thrown over onto mine and I […]
I edit and rewrote this poem. Originally not mine but from an old friend. A stranger; now…Â I suppose. The reason why I rewrote this, because it is very beautiful and that person used to mean a lot to me. Still do in a way… but its difficult.. Hope you guys like it.
My hands Shaking like a winter leaf clinging
to the tree against the frost-bitten
Howling wind
My legs buckle as if I am atlas holding the sky
Against this I cannot win It binds me
I am a redwood tree I cannot be moved
But If the skies will allow the wind to whisper
I will sway to its voice
If it […]
she is mad because she can’t control me, she gets with guys to control them and when they break up with her she tries to go to Church to control that!
If you’ve followed my posts you would know exactly the type of person she is.
She lies about everythin . She brainwashed me into running away from my grandma and running away from CPS only to call on me to get me intoruble. But I kept coming back thinking what she said was the truth , that she wanted to be a mother for once. Ever since I ran away to be with my mom, she […]
Okay, Here i go i am 15 year old girl i have been cutting my self since i was 10 and ive had enough i cant take it no more i wanna die just dont wanna hurt the people who i love but i have to many resons to do it i live with the pain on me every day that i wasnt even suppost to be here in the first place i was a mistake the only reson im here is my mom was to far along for an abortiuos i dont live with her i got stuck on my grand parents since i […]
I look in ugly people and ask myself: “How do they live? And why? Why am I living?”
My arms are too long.
My hair is too short.
My legs are too fat.
My skin has way to much red blemishes.
My face shape is horrible.
I get compliments from ugly people and I ask myself: “So… Am I the prettiest one from ugly people? Why pretty people never like me? Why handsome guys reject me?”
I just want to sleep… Forever… I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want to see myself.
i really do hate having panic attacks. the last time i had one, i got very short of breath, my chest hurt, i was backed up against a wall crying and screaming at everyone, convinced in my mindset that everyone was going to hurt me. I dont even know what i was screaming about, i dont really even remember. Probably just for everyone to go away and leave me alone so that i didnt have to cut with them watching.
Cutting….
I dont ever remember doing it, when it’s happening I feel, out of body, like im not really there. just an hour later, i look down […]
im 17.. i feel like such a little kid around every one.. they all treat me that way.. little things mess with me really bad. i have borderline personality disorder.. i haven’t had a very good life and i understand that.. i understand that there are people out there who have had it worse than me.. i just don’t no why all this has happened too me. if there really is a god out there then why are all of these good people having bad things happen to them..i was raped by my brother and my little sisters brother from the time i was 5 […]
～*my legs are dangling off the edge, the bottom of the bottle is my only friend, i think i’ll slit my wrists again and im gone, gone, gone, gone*～
uhm, I’m new to this sort of thing, so, Hello, I have been reading some entry’s today. What sparked my interest in finding this site is that my mother and father are giving me a hard time, my Grandfather died yesterday of a stroke and things before where quite good. Now all of a sudden my friends are leaving me alone, my mother is out to make my bedroom a prison for me and I have so much anger and hatered that I have been keeping in check for a long time.
Im 16 years old, the guy I liked has abandon me, my Grandfather is gone, all […]
Hi my name is faith I’m 16. I’m depressed and have conteplated suicide many times, but never went through with it. I’m depressed I cut myself.I’m probally every teenager.I get depressed all of the time. My first insident of cutting myself was when I was 12. My friends did it so I though I was ok. I would do it in the middle of class and was never seen. Or if I was nobody cared enough to say anything. That just made it worse. My friends saw me do it infront of them and never tried to help me. I’m now 16 and I do […]
I don t feel like talking with anybody but yet i came here. Nothing bad recently happened i just don t feel the same. Everything is just so ordinary and unimportant and i can t find anything that satisfies me. I clearly got off the tight track again. without no particular reason. I was out yesterday and i got drunk, pretty pathetic but i do it every now and then to feel better or to forget things but i guess it has the opposite effect now. Anyway i was annoyed with something small which i don t even remember now. i took my things and […]
I decided I better tell my full story so people inderstand me better:
I started self-harming about two years ago. I had an argument with my best friend and this set it off. It wasn’t a serious row; it was quite a silly one to be honest. However, I think this triggered off a lot of my self-esteem issues. I had a really hard time at school and was bullied a lot and I ended up finding it hard to get close to people. My feelings of self worth vanished again after the argument and in order to combat this I started to cut myself. Not […]
I did not, you see, want to kill myself. Not at that time, anyway. But I wanted to know that if need be, if the desperation got so terribly bad, I could inflict harm on my body. And I could. Knowing this gave me a sense of peace and power, so I started cutting up my legs all the time. Hiding the scars from my mother became a sport of its own. I collected razor blades, I bought a Swiss army knife, I became fascinated with the different kinds of sharp edges and the different cutting sensations they produced. I tried out different shapes—squares, triangles, […]