I’m sick of being alive and today, I tried to intoxicate myself with water. Fuck, I thought today was my final day. I drank 2 gallons of water in less than an hour, although, I puked once. I felt this strong headache, started feeling dizzy and I had trouble breathing and I laid down on my bed for a bit and passed out. I woke up with pure disappointment on my face, I woke up to find my heart still beating. I don’t have many options for suicide, just this and falling off the Golden Gate , but I hesitate on the bridge. I just […]
Tag:
life
We are dying everyday;
Some of us wake up just to do the same routine, some of us try to change it up a bit, and some of us don’t wake up. I get frustrated when I go to do something and then I find it to be futile just because I think about it to hard and realize, what does it matter? I’m going to die anyway; be that in the next five years or the next five minutes. People always go on to say, “Oh life isnt fair,” but it is, what isn’t fair is that we think life owes us something. “Life is […]
I found the perfect bridge the george westinghouse memorial bridge and was thinking of just ending it tomorrow. Thanks to the hackers and their hacking tricks and my manic behavior I managed to get in a situation where I’m facing serious jail time maybe life, and I don’t think I have it in me to do it. Due to their P.R campaign everyone thinks I’m some psycho beyond redemption and they intend to crucify me despite never having a prior record. I just can’t deal with this anymore. It’s the perfect height the success rate is very good. I can’t hang myself I’ve tried, but […]
Anther year since I tried to kill myself. Life’s pretty good. I’ve been talking to one of my friends who recently expressed interest in me. I like them, everyone thinks they like me. But I’m scared, scared they do and scared they don’t. They have texted me into the night, they’re very sweet and considerate and they want to help me, but I’ve swallowed my secrets and depression for so long I can’t give them up. Life is pretty good. I still want to die. That irrational persistence is the mark of a true suicidal person, I think.
I need a plan. If I don’t […]
I felt dirty so I went to take a shower. Took off my clothes and waited for the water to warm up. As I entered the shower within a few minutes I entered the land of thoughts and memories. Sinking in those purifying water, I couldn’t straighten my thoughts to be less unholy. I thought, then I thought and thought again. Is soon, well, soon?
Before that, I was out. There was a couple there, married. Seemed happy. They have two kids and a house in the suburbs. I don’t know them. I only talked to them about nothing important. But I was talking to myself, questioning how does […]
This feeling of, ‘wanting to just die’ has last for about 4 years now. I’ve tried hanging myself multiple times, but I always fail… I use to walk down the road hoping a car would hit me. I’ve had close near death experiences from drugs and alcohol, but wonder why I hadn’t died? That raises the question to what is my purpose on this planet. Nowadays, I have no urge to kill myself, but just hopes that something would just end me instantly. So now I try to hope everyday, that a miracle (that I think in the back of my mind won’t happen) would […]
It may look like we have everything
Everything should be perfect so you can live the best life….
Wrong
Sometimes all you need is support and happiness
I can tell for some people, they have all that
As for me
I just want to be happy…
Let’s be friends, let’s talk and play and sing together. I don’t want to fight you. I already tried that, back when I was stressed and didn’t know that you actually came to help me, to pull me out of my shit. You’re my savior. Let’s learn how to live together, like siamese twins.
Joni Mitchell says “Blue, I love you” in her song Blue, which talk about acceptence and far from that, falling in love to the side which enslaves you. It’s not like you have much choice. If you are clinically depressed like me and want to experience life to the fullest before leaving […]
Um so.. I’ve been suicidal (on and off) ever since I can remember. I’m turning 22 next month and so I don’t have long, I don’t want to live past my birthday. Preferably, it’s when I’d like to leave this planet.
I’m not sad or angry or frustrated. I can deal with that. I feel like I’m holding my breath, waiting for that gasp of fresh air to bring me back to life. I feel crippled and it’s starting to effect work, work of which I hate doing ofcourse, I hate it all let’s be honest. this life thing isn’t for me, I’ve had a taste, […]
Howdy ,
I’m Gollum , male , 45 years old . Digital artist , broke , over-sensitive , tired , struggling with (“not-so-heavy-anymore”) depression since 2006 , when a very unexpected , painful & unhealthy divorce (after a decade and 1/2 of a very happy life) , put me in the deepest depths (ooo the pleonasm^^) of the well . I don’t have children btw .
Why Gollum as username ? (I could also have chosen Darth Vador , or Mr Hyde)
As an artist , I’ve always been into literature , imagery , music … Basically , I’m just fascinated by the evolution of these fictional characters […]
Well, wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t at the end of my figurative rope. What do you do, if life just ain’t… fun… anymore? Nobody gives a damn about you. You got nobody to vent to, to talk to… Except the anonymity of the internet… Sure, your sick dad, wife, and kids all DEPEND on you… But they take you for granted day after day. And your elderly dad, you realize, never did jack shit for you… You were an inconvenience to him and your mother…an accident, she gladly told you her whole life. He never took time off from work for you, yet now […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
I found this site last night when I was in a bad state. I haven’t been suicidal since I was 19 and am now 22, but came here looking for a supportive voice because even though I’ve escaped my battles I still feel the after effects (details in my earlier post). After reading some posts I’m concerned. Remember I have been there and I know how it is. I am being very honest and my comments on how to go, how to not go, motivation and survival preparation are towards the end.
Suicide:
1. If you want to kill yourself that is your choice. Please keep in mind though, death […]
I hesitate to post. In a way, looking forward to responses here is another tie to cut when all I want is to be free of such anchors.
I don’t yet have the materials for the death I want and I so desperately want to have that one last moment for myself when the day comes… But I fear I’ve run out of time. I can’t shake the dread of living, the longing for dying, and the dissatisfaction of my entire existence. I don’t know how I will make it through the week. I don’t want to make it through the week.
An empty life finds itself […]
fuck Reality ! Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks ! Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring ! movies, novels books, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
by niki
written by niki
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
it’s come to this. see some of y’all in the after life
Everything has caught up to me again and I am once again obsessed with putting a bullet in my brain. I should have seen it coming – I’ve let things build up. Old ghosts, a recent death of someone once more important to me than life itself, old pain and new pain. The shit has piled up on me and I am suffocating.
I should know better. I should deal with things as they come. But I just can’t. I don’t have that much control over my own life. I am such a useless piece of crap to myself and to everyone around me. It doesn’t […]
Its funny. I did not ever think Id write on this blog. But eventually I have to. I felt so down ever since I was child, I am introverted. Last year I found a person who made me life a happy life, but temporarily. Many has changed, but eventually Misery, my love, found me once again. Im having these depressions and I have no idea what to do. Everytime I feel like this, I wanna quit. Die, sacrifice, doesnt matter. Wouldnt fight back at all. But then I wake up and my brain tells me “You will try again”. I dont want it to. I […]
I don’t want to be reminded how undeniably identical we all are. The irony is that I want to be different, a never-before-seen version of the human mind. And this equates to one great big cliché, great. I’m a cliché.
As a child I was led to believe that my future would be full of wonder and adventure and discovery. But I was not born in a fairy tale, I was born into this life consisting of education, work, retirement and death.
I don’t want to simply blend into the blur of human existence. My goal is not to change the world nor is it to stand out from the crowd. What I […]
Hello. I have just signed up here so first of all, a big hello to you all and thanx for reading this message. I have been contemplating ending all of this for a while as i just cant hack life anymore. I have been diagnozed with bi-polar disorder and left my wife last year in a mania phase. I recently tried to patch things up with her but am not sure if its gonna work or not and to be honest if it doesnt i dont know what i would do. I have a 6 year old son yet i believe he will be better […]