It’s been 18 years.
I’m 18 year old female, a senior in highschool. I’m good looking, creative, intelligent and easy to get along with. But within me lies an everlasting, deep internal conflict, loneliness, and a very broken heart. I have no family, no friends and I just recently lost my lover. I have been framed and spent a year on probation for it, my parents have taken me to court several times (they’re so insensitive they treat family matters like business), I’ve never had somebody I could call up and talk to. I’ve had friends several times before. But all of them, usually in […]
I love all kinds of music. However there’s few songs that grab hold and this is one. I could die listening to this. Â (Not that I am, just saying)
So what would your last song be?
I don’t believe that I lack all strength. I just don’t have enough to do anything with my opportunities. I don’t want to wake up, and I don’t want to look for jobs, and I don’t want to get a new job or keep mine. I don’t want to go outside. I don’t want to talk to people, even family. I don’t want to get a paycheck. I don’t want to have a home. I don’t want to call this nice young lady I’m dating. I don’t want to go to dinner tonight. I don’t want to act or play music or teach or be […]
I’ve been taking Saroquel for just under a week now.. i dream every night and they’re so vivid. It’s like i’m myself.. but a different branch? Like i’ll dream about things that are happening in my life, but i’m a different version of me in the dream. It’s weird. Anyone notice anything similar on it?
scared nobody will like me
scared to be alone
scared more people i love will die
scared my life will get worse
scared people wil see my scars
how can i not be affraid
As a child I started hating everyone. 2 years ago it got worse and i stopped going out, i didn’t go to School anymore, I stopped eating and never left my room. My mom started worrying but she didn’t know what to do so she just argued with me before she called a psychiatric and a lawyer which said that they will hospitalize me in some time. I had to wait about 3 Months before the could take me, they said. I was glad to be free so far although I was just sitting in my bed all day. Then I decided to end this pain. […]
i’ve given up.
i just don’t try anymore in life.
don’t try in friendships.
don’t try in my relationship with my parents.
don’t try in school.
don’t try to succeed.
don’t try in life.
it just isn’t even worth it. can someone help me? i just don’t know what’s worth trying for anymore.
i need some encouragement to keep moving or i might just stop…
I wrote this a long time ago, in my teens when I was first coming to terms with my depression and feeling suicidal. This was one of the many many poems I wrote going through a really bad time. Thought some of you might relate or have at some point.
I can’t bare to go on much longer
These suicidal feelings continue to grow stronger
The only escape is in my sleep
I’ve dug this whole and now I’m in to deep
Don’t act like you know how I feel
For you see this life of mine is surreal
Still praying you hear my desolate […]
I start most weekends with drinking a bottle of wine, then I have another one and then another. I take a few Xanax and a Vicodin or two. Next thing I know its Monday morning and time to go to work again. When I don’t do that I do meth so I can forget about my life. Yet every Monday I get cleaned up and go back to my job that pays me 300k a year. Three of my friends have killed themselves. I have tried at least twice. Now days I rather dull things with liquor and Xanax or meth. So I can get up […]
I just don’t care enough to live anymore. Yes, I realize that life isn’t always good. Sometimes you go through hardships because it strengthens you and you learn from your mistakes. But I honestly feel as if I have gone through much more bad than good and it doesn’t ever seem as if things will get better despite the fact that I am trying. So why keep trying? Yeah, I might have it better off than some people. I also have it worse than others. And we’ll all die one day anyway… and it doesn’t matter if you’ve lived a life you wanted to live […]
I marvel at those who wake up and say amazing positive stuff on Facebook. It’s usually a lot of gratefulness “for caring about and accepting who I am today,” or it’s all “humans try…only God perfects,” or getting “my Sunday nap on before my workout,” or something. There’s always a coping strategy–a self-care tool.
Music was that for me. As a teen, especially. But as I got older, music became a chore and a job, so I couldn’t really feel good after doing it. Anything I try to do to rejuvenate myself just feels like a temporary escape, and it makes it all the more […]
Well… It’s because I care.
I care about all of you and I want you to be happy.
I know that you’re not happy. =_=â€
And that’s okay; we all have our own problems.
As I’ve been reading some of your posts I know you don’t want to die but you want to take your pain away and leave from your problems. However there is always hope. Let’s not give up. ‪
I know I can’t change your decision because….only someone who lives in that painful know clearly how hurt […]
Wow, I haven’t been on here in forever…my life has definitely changed for the better. But, lately…I’ve been extremely down and I just seem more irritated with absolutely anyone/everything. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and depression, but I think the bi-polar is what causes the depression part..my life is alright, but something within me is missing. I have no excitement for life really and society just keeps getting more shitty. I don’t trust a lot of people, and the older I get, it seems the more and more I turn away from being a people person. Genuine people are hard to come across these […]
It’s always on my mind to end my life.. I was in a really bad accident that caused permanent brain damage.. I can not remember many things now.. I know my daughters bday is Halloween but I have to do the math to know what year she was born. I suffer from horrible pain.. Migraine headaches, throw up blood, I use to be able to do so much now I can hardly do anything 🙁 Life without health is no life at all.. I tried to end my life I took 80 Xanax & every other medication I can get my hands on. I woke up […]
In today’s life when one is thronged with worries and tensions all around, it is very difficult to maintain a positive attitude. And often the more you try and be positive, the more it seems the negative energy around you gains strength. So here are 7 ways to change our modus operandi, be positive and work towards a healthier lifestyle.
Do Not Wait for Happiness.
Do not wait for good things to happen to you. You need to work towards happiness. You need to create a happy environment around you today to remain happy tomorrow. This is called an attitude. If you adopt a positive attitude, […]
Things make more sense to me now than they ever have in my entire life. I died, the person I was the dreams I had all of it died that was the true reason why I have been so upset. I didn’t want to accept that I let myself die because it hurt too much. But it’s done with now and I can’t change a thing about it. I feel empty, I don’t know who I am or what I want, it feels like I was placed into a body, a life that is empty. It’s like it isn’t my life so I have no […]
I’ve been reading some posts on here for a few days and it’s helped a bit. I guess i was curious if anyone felt the same way i felt. I’ve had depression my whole life. I was sent to a psychologist when i was 8. There she told me i had chronic depression and a bunch of other crap. I’ve just kind of bottled my feelings inside my whole life. It wasn’t until i hit 16/17 years old where i realized it was okay to feel this way. Well.. not okay.. but that i wasn’t alone or a freak for it. Anyways.. i’ve still pushed […]
So recently, my brother and his girlfriend moved in. I thought it would be okay because I got along with his girlfriend and him, but not so much anymore. My brother started being psycho and started screaming, threatening me and my mom. Making fun of my little brother for being asian (i am as well). I threatened to call the cops for the safety of my family and him needing to be removed. His dumb girlfriend started rumors with my family trying to turn them on me. Saying I messaged her stuff and that she was going to beat my ass. At this point, my […]
so first, i want to apologize if i say anything that I’m not supposed to. i do that a lot >.>
well a month ago i tried to kill myself, and afterwards i thought that everything would be fine, and i felt happy. now i feel like theres no future for me and that I’m gonna feel depressed for the rest of my life, and really empty. i know that ill probably feel better by tomorrow but then ill just feel bad again. T_T again sorry if i say something wrong, I’m not good about talking to people about my feelings or actually feelings in general.
now […]
i made a post to my FB a while ago. I’m sharing it here now because i think it’s a means of motivation in some way.
“it’s time I just come out and say the obvious for those who may or may not have gotten the hint just yet.
I’m battling orthorexia. with anorexic tendencies.
I weigh, as of last .. maybe two weeks ago (the bathroom scale has been relocated and its probably for the best.) a solid 100 pounds.
I promise you that has gone down and I just dont know the exact number now.
one hundred pounds.
my problem is finding balance.
and this week, I […]