I’m fed up of broken promises of ‘when you move to X, things will get better’. I moved schools three times (once in year 8, then again in year 12). It never got better. Now I’m at uni and I was lured in with that same stupid lie. It isn’t better here. If anything it’s worse. I’ve already overdosed here, unfortunately failing. I’m just fed up and lonely and at the end of a thin rope. I’m ready to snap.
Tag:
life
The world is quite a peculiar place that I have yet to become accustomed to. Sometimes just the sheer aspect of living overwhelms me. Does that in itself make any sense at all? I very much doubt so, but it pervades me nonetheless.
Even now, looking outside my window; at the beautiful tranquility of the night, the pure brilliance and wonder that the night evokes. Looking off into the glittering scenery before me I can only wonder about life. The significance of everything, The sheer luck and probability that life has unfolded and used to mould and influence the present. The magnificence of it, the questions […]
I’ve written my suicide note before, but a lot has changed since 3 months ago. I have more to say. I’m not saying that I will kill myself but if I do, I want people to know how I felt about them.
Hoping for the best
Ready for the worst.
Death is easy
Life is hard.
Knowing’s painful
Ignorance is bliss.
Sunday Night Ramble: Goals, gore and guilt. And fucking children. (Not literally, mind you)
by khajiit
written by khajiit
There is no goal that I have yet to discover that would possibly seem realistic, rational or even in the name of “good†whether that be for myself or for others, that would compel me to keep living.. I have never particularly strived to improve the quality of life for others so it is only selfish and hypocritical of me to complain about my own degraded, dull, lifeless existence.
The criteria and fulfillment that many people seem to have and encourage hold no meaning to me. I don’t see the motives or reason behind such actions or choices that would justify its rationality. One of these […]
I don’t think I can go on any longer, so I finally decided to do it. I tried suicide once before, but I chickened out and told my parents who took me to the ER. I feel sick, I disgust myself. So young in life and I already want to die. Want to know why? Because I’m too sane for this world. People go on everyday not knowing any answers, just living paycheck to paycheck. I am not skilled, I don’t try in school so I do badly. I’m unwilling to work for a good life, so I hope for a better work ethic in […]
I envy everyone who has a nice life with no problems. I want to say fuck you all but I used to have a great life. Shit just happened and well…what can I say, here I am. So everyone reading this that has a happy life, take advantage of it because there’s a lot of people, including myself, that their life sucks. So do me a favor and live my life for me. Okay thanks…
Even though the sun shines bright today, even though life truly is wonderful this day, at this moment, I can never forget the life of suffering ahead of me and I can never forget the suffering that brought me here, because the moment I do, all my efforts and my desire to end my own life will have been nothing but shallow delusions, things just felt in the moment and not profound at all. No matter what, I will hold on this feeling. Never to let go.
The Thirt Word was “Hum,”
Caught by straining ears
As I softly release
Your trembling arms…
Once, again my life is continuing on it’s downward decent; although this time it is spiraling out of control more rapidly than it ever has before. I can’t do any of this anymore…nor do I really want to. I am tired, of living, breathing, and existing. I feel as if I do not even have a purpose anymore, but instead I am an empty shell that is carrying on the functions of the person that I used to be. No one cares about me, for awhile I thought that maybe for once in my life someone actually cared about me, but alas I was wrong. I was […]
i can’t share my story, it’s too hard. i can’t let go of old memories that happened in my life. whenever i ask mum for help she tells me that i’ll eventually move on with life or something i do not cut or hurt myself so that’s why i want a fast way to commit suicide because how awkward would it be jump off a cliff or something and not die.. thanks, your help would mean a lot
I have attended four highschools, all completely different. With completely new teachers, new classes, and new classmates. With each school year I’ve been that girl who rarely spoke, the girl who just went to school then went back home.I had no life, because I never opened up and allowed people to get close to me.
Every new school year my mother says I’ll find some new friends who won’t stab me in the back, but every time I’m invited to hang out, my mother says no. She claims it’s because she doesn’t know these people, and I think ‘how will you ever know them if […]
I don’t know why but these days I’ve been feeling tired, mentally. I feel bored easily, I don’t feel passionate about what I do every day and I just feel like dying just to discover whether God exist or not. It’s like I lost my motivation to live and I don’t know what I held on since I started living, having said that nothing major happened to my life but as each month pass by, it gets worse. Don’t really care about things happening around me, habits that I used to have got really dull and I started to question the point of living. Some […]
All my life I have heard the phrase, “It gets better”, well I am living proof that no it does not, at least it hasn’t in my experience. If my life was going to get better, and stop from spiraling out of control, then wouldn’t it have gotten at least a little bit better by now? I mean it has been over six years, and nothing has changed, it has only gotten worse. I’m tired of living, of my suicide attempts failing, only to wake up from yet again another failure, whilst the madness and chaos that is my life resumes. No one cares about […]
I’m geting really tired this ridiculous life. All I do everyday is turning my brain to off so I can run away from my pain. That’s the only thing that worked so far too. I can’t connect with anyone, can’t relate to anything and can’t find any worth in me. I’m tired of pretending I still want to do studies, tired of pretending everything is gonna get better. I’m sick of hearing the same lies everyday, sick of lying all the time. I can’t bare living among people who’d rather value greed, malice, and putting their kind down all the time. I’ve had enough of […]
when i walk down the hallway i see how you judge how you laugh at my friends. i look you straight in the eye and i see that judgement you have never talked to me once in my lifetime but yet you can judge me. i am not proud of my self you dont need to put me down for my size or for what i wear or for my friends. let me live my life without your judgement.
In my life i use to be the perfect little girl. i played softball, dance, cheerleading, even played soccer. and was barely ever bullied i wanted that to be my life then i moved. ever since i moved i am not who i want to be i gained weight lost alot of friends and was bullied non stop. life for me is a struggle i struggle to keep friends i struggle to loose weight. i am not who i want to be….
So I had me an hour of sleep, awesome. Got to plaster on some emotions so I can blend into this dark landscape that’s my life and carry on one more day.
Rachel Ferguson- Never Good Enough
The story of me. I wrote this after my first hospital visit, it was going to be my suicide note but a close friend of mine found me before I died. He has an uncanny ability to call me whenever I’m seriously debating suicide even though he’s moved all the way across the world from me.
Born to the urban monster,
Raised to be mindless,
Her curiosity brought pain,
Tears of blood shed in silence.
Ostracized by her peers,
In the shadows she played.
Her “friends†cruel like the rest,
As she was bullied there came no aid.
Fragile, she often wept,
They laughed and pointed.
Ridiculed and mocked into […]
i can’t consider myself suicidal but i often feel that life is ultimately unsatisfying and futile. in my observations of humanity i see sickening antics that outweigh the positive. i fantasize of the bliss to be gained by “opting out”, so to speak. then again, i am young, foolish, and have yet to experience what most laud as life’s gems- family, travelling, friends, etc. i am depressed, yes, but not immensely- i continue to live hoping things will improve- i drift, waiting to find a sense of fulfillment, or at least waiting for these feelings to pass
What is a “life”, because this constant state of nothing in which I live in cannot surely be qualified as a life. Every single day I wake up and I wish to enter an eternal sleep. I am not quite sure whether or not I truly want to die, but I most certainly know that I do not want to live. If I could just enter a state of unconsciousness until I was ready to either make my decision, and off myself, or to continue living, then things would seem better. I have attempted suicide in the past, only to fail, or to have someone […]